Who’s wrong: in laws and dogs edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t understand how you could view your wife’s uncle as in the wrong here at all. Your MIL and SIL are clearly entitled idiots and should not be foisting giant messy dogs on frail elderly people and their caretakers. Your wife can stay out of it if she likes, but the only reasonable person to side with is the uncle.

Plus everything. My god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife again: part of the issue stems from when me and op brought our toddler up to visit over the summer and were very clear about how much actual help we could provide. My mom then booked for her and my sister to stay at a very fancy local resort. This was more of a hassle for my uncle (and to a degree me) accommodating more people, locations and schedules. Her sole contribution to the general family situation was to on her night taking care of dinner order some takeout. Otherwise my uncle and I cooked and cleaned up after all other meals. I think that experience has led my uncle to want to go nuclear on my mom and I don’t really blame him - I also am irritated over it.

All irrelevant. My guess is grandma owns what is now a $$$ property in a great resort area and it has a guest house. The local uncle and a cousin do caretaking and property management. Grandma needs to go in assisted living. Also it is not complex to state meals at the house are at 6 pm for example. Persons 1 and 2 are doing the food and cleaning up.

Having a toddler and cleaning up is no huge task. And if the uncle doesn't live in the house why is he there for all meals? Or did uncle and cousin move into grandma's $$$ property? Their residence and the rest of you look at it as family vacation house? IDK.

OP: The uncle lives in DC area and stays in the house when he takes care of them. The cousin was a recent college grad when the pandemic hit and he volunteered to move back there to take care of them most of the time for the first two years, which worked out relatively well as he was afraid of getting covid in his NYC group house and he wanted to help out his grandparents as they helped raise him in many ways. The cousin did most of the caregiving during those early years and now that the pandemic is subsiding I think we all want him to go get his life back and be a normal 20-something rather than a caregiver, thus the uncle has been taking on more of the caregiving as of late.

Again, they tried to get them in assisted living but they were highly resistant and then covid happened and they feel very vindicated that they weren't in assisted living, given how the virus swept through those places. When the whole family was up over the summer, MIL and SIL stayed at the fancy resort and showed up at the house for family dinner, which we (me, wife and uncle) prepared and we also clean up. Wife also did part time caregiving of grandparents, including cleaning up accidents. Uncle is frustrated that MIL and SIL treat it like their vacation house without doing any real caregiving. I still think they should go into assisted living, but I guess the thought is they will probably die soon enough and they want them to enjoy their final years in their own home. The grandpa in particular gets very confused and agitated by new places and people.