Do you think parent should tell spouse if leaving the house?

[Anonymous]

Dh went to get a car inspection and didn’t tell me. I was looking for him and he said he was getting the car inspected. His response was that he is a grown man and that he doesn’t have to tell me when he is leaving the house. He said he isn’t a kid. I was taken aback by his response.

Do you tell your spouse when you are leaving?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely and I’d get pissed st DH for doing the same thing. But we have young kids so I need to know he’s around to help watch them if they needed something.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids?

No, I don't always tell him, nor does he tell me if we are just running out for an errand. If there are kid responsibilities involved, that is a little different.

[Anonymous]

Usually, spouse doesn't always and it annoys me to. We can track each other on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I’d be pissed about the attempt to gaslight you with that defensive response. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yes. This is common courtesy. Your DH sounds like a petulant teenager.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s just good manners to mention “hey, I’m running out for x reason.” I would be annoyed if my spouse didn’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids?

No, I don't always tell him, nor does he tell me if we are just running out for an errand. If there are kid responsibilities involved, that is a little different.

We have 3 kids. Kids are a little older now. Youngest is 5 and I am home.

I think Dh thought since I didn’t neeed him for childcare that he no longer has to tell me when he is leaving the house???

I’m pretty sure he would not feel the same way if I just left the house to go work out and didn’t tell him before I left. I think I will try it and see how he reacts.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that’s being part of a family. You are in interconnected unit. It’s also just common courtesy.

[Anonymous]

If there are young kids in the house, it's imperative. I behave differently as a parent if my spouse is home. What if I assume my DH is downstairs with our kid and hop in the shower, but it turns out he left?!

If you don't have young kids I think it's still common courtesy and most of the time I'd still want to know. Not because I'm keeping tabs but because DH but because it helps me plan my day too. Does he expect me to wait for him to get home to have lunch or no? If I also leave the house and he gets home first, and then he leaves again before I get back, then we're just ships passing in the night.

I know some of this could be resolved with texting but I don't look at my phone when I'm driving and I'd rather have a 10 second conversation before someone leaves the house than have to exchange several texts later for clarification.

It's logistics. Your DH is being a tool. If you don't want to have to tell someone where you are going then don't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that’s being part of a family. You are in interconnected unit. It’s also just common courtesy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids?

No, I don't always tell him, nor does he tell me if we are just running out for an errand. If there are kid responsibilities involved, that is a little different.

We have 3 kids. Kids are a little older now. Youngest is 5 and I am home.

I think Dh thought since I didn’t neeed him for childcare that he no longer has to tell me when he is leaving the house???

I’m pretty sure he would not feel the same way if I just left the house to go work out and didn’t tell him before I left. I think I will try it and see how he reacts.

This is the problem right here. His assumption that the kids are your responsibility at all times that he has not specifically been asked to "babysit". If you are a SAHP, that kind of assumption might make sense if it's normal working hours for him and he makes plans to run an errand then. But if it's a weekend or not normal working hours, or his hours with the family are extremely limited anyway, he should not be assuming that he is free from parenting responsibilities whenever he feels like it. A quick "Honey, I'm going to take the car to get inspected now if that works for you." is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh went to get a car inspection and didn’t tell me. I was looking for him and he said he was getting the car inspected. His response was that he is a grown man and that he doesn’t have to tell me when he is leaving the house. He said he isn’t a kid. I was taken aback by his response.

Do you tell your spouse when you are leaving?

Are there kids involved who require supervision? Was he assuming you were watching them?

[Anonymous]

It is common courtesy to tell your spouse when you are leaving the house. It’s important to tell your spouse when they are being left in charge of children.