women would this bug you?

[Anonymous]

My Dh is so careless with things sometimes. I put him in charge of the tuxes for my children who were in the bridal party and he didn’t check the sizes he grabbed before our flights (we had ordered one extra for my older son to try two sizes) so my 40lb just turned 4 year old had to wear a tux he was swimming in. I had no choice with an hours notice but to help him fold it up but it would have looked so much better and he was in so many pro pics. It was also $170 for each outfit. I told my DH he needs to slow down and just check what he’s doing because it happens a lot and his whole attitude was what does it matter if he’s wearing the right size or not? He’s normally a 4T and like I said we ordered and had it for him, it just didn’t make it in the suitcase. This is his family’s wedding.

[Anonymous]

Btw my son who is a small 4 year old was wearing the size for a 7/8 year old

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I’d be disappointed it happened but would not blame my DH. In this situation, you set him up to fail by doing 90% of a task, and asking him to finish it for you with the expectation he’d understand all the same context and details.

How was he supposed to know you’d ordered an extra for sizes? Did he know how much they cost? Was he even aware that this task was important to you? The biggest question mark here for me is why you went to the trouble of ordering multiple tuxedos, checking sizes, and then asked your DH to pack them. Why didn’t you just do it? If you needed help with packing, why not ask your DH to handle something that he had the right context for, like packing the kid’s non-wedding clothes?

You say this happens a lot but based on this example, I’m wondering if you frequently ask your DH to read your mind. You are mad at him for grabbing the wrong two of three identical black outfits. That seems unreasonable to me— he might not even have realized there was a third one.

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying but think of it this way, he can use it again for the next formal event. And, at least it wasn’t too small. When things like this happen just try and focus on the positives.

[Anonymous]

No, not if it were a one off, we all screw up sometimes. But if he’s like this in general, yes, Is be really irritated with him.

[Anonymous]

Of course it would, what an idiot. Id be most peeved about his attitude about it.

[Anonymous]

Nope. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

You set him up to fail by not only putting him in charge of something so important for a family event, but also adding an extra mystery size of an identical product into the mix. My husband can be a bit careless sometimes. Two things:

1) I would put him in charge of packing, but if it was something mission-critical like wedding wear, I’d either double check the items were packed myself, or I would ask him, “Did you pack Jimmy and Bobby’s tuxes?”

2) Going into a situation like that, I would have already removed the extraneous size from the mix and stored it or what have you.

For anyone who claims that would be enabling bad behavior…yeah, but he’s clearly not going to become a careful, think-it-through, follow-through person overnight just because of magical thinking.

For everyday stuff, if he forgets to pack his own sunglasses for the beach, oh well, looks like he’ll have to go to Sunsations and make do with what he can find. For a family wedding involving flights, I’m going to make sure we all have our full and proper outfits packed.

We play to our strengths: I help keep him organized, and he’s the one who talks me down when I’m spiraling out from anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Since I have a spouse with diagnosed ADHD who is constantly tardy, forgets things, forgets to tell us things, mislays items in the house then goes on a rampage to find them and blames us for moving them, and has done some pretty egregious missing of important deadlines (taxes, visas, work deadlines, missing airplanes, weddings, etc) because he refuses to medicate himself or build a routine and systems for himself...

... I both sympathize and ask: is it that bad that your every day life is impacted? Because if it is, then you've got a real problem. Your husband needs to be assessed by a psychiatrist and try meds for ADHD. If it's not that bad, then you'll have to talk him through trying to be more responsible. And maybe it won't work. And then you'll do more than your share, just so that things run smoothly, and you'll gradually be incredibly resentful. Sadly, I have no answers to that because I'm looking for solutions too.

[Anonymous]

I don’t assign things to my H that I care about. So if you assign something important to you that’s the mistake.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you set him up. You ordered two tuxes for your kid and expected him to know that or to figure out which one to bring? Why? I mean, if he didn’t bring a tux for your kid, he mad. But this one is on you.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a highly capable successful person. I would never put him in charge of anything related to packing kids clothing for a wedding.

[Anonymous]

I like the subtle “HIS family wedding,” like that matters. Like if it was your family, of course you would have done it yourself because that is important, but if it’s just his family…well then screw you, bride and groom, we’ll be there in pajamas.

[Anonymous]

Kid was in a tux that covered him? Don’t hand off stuff you want done precisely as you would. If you hand it off, you’re not in charge of it anymore.