I think my husband might be having a psychotic break

[Anonymous]

Title says it all. He always had a high energy side, but at first I just thought he was fun and exciting.

Over the past year or so, he's become angry and volatile. There are times when he's normal but then something sets him off (usually either something totally mild, or a problem of his own doing) and he becomes angry, blames everyone but himself, is full of rage, illogical, starts talking fast and not making sense, plus he barely sleeps when he's in one of these states. Then, he retreats and shirks all responsibilities he's supposed to have for a few days, only coming out when he feels the urge to scream at everyone for a bit (but then goes back to his retreat). After a period of time (few days, maybe a week) he comes out of his cave calmed down, acts like whatever set him off was someone else's fault but that he's over it, and is normal again.

I think his feelings of grandiosity are borderline delusional. He literally thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He would never seek help because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, and it would be a sign of weakness that he just couldn't tolerate. He just blames everyone else.

Strange behavior runs in his family. I can't turn to his family because they all have their own issues too. I'm scared something is really wrong. Sometimes I'm just really terrified for my family. Sometimes I think I can handle by dissociating from him and trying to stay out of his way when he's angry.

Not asking for advice.... I guess I can't tell anyone in real life, so just want to vent on an anonymous board. People think I live a charmed life but have no idea how scary daily life can be for my kids and I. Mental illness is really scary and can seemingly come out of no where.

[Anonymous]

That sounds exhausting. Each time he retreated, I’d pack up the kids and leave for a few days. I couldn’t be around that and I’d need to send the message that I won’t let my kids be around that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like bipolar. He could be so successful with the right treatment and meds. You could make your continuation in the marriage conditional on his seeking treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like bipolar. He could be so successful with the right treatment and meds. You could make your continuation in the marriage conditional on his seeking treatment.

Agree with this. So sorry you are going through this OP.

[Anonymous]

This really is a medical issue. When he is in a well period, you need to sit down and detail your concerns and tell him he needs to see a doctor and have an assessment because how he changes and presents is scary. He may have no idea or memory of what he was really like or it could be a very skewed version if he is manic or psychotic. Or video him during an episode to show him when he is well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like bipolar. He could be so successful with the right treatment and meds. You could make your continuation in the marriage conditional on his seeking treatment.

+1

This sounds like mania, and it is a medical condition that needs treatment

[Anonymous]

Another poster chiming in to say this sounds exactly like mania (which is a trademark of bipolar). Does he seem to experience periodic depressive crashes as well?

I know this isn’t welcome news but with bipolar, the longer it goes untreated the worse it gets. And assuming you’re saying the mania (again, that’s what it is: talking fast, barely sleeping, grandiosity…that’s textbook mania. Please make sure you’re watching your finances closely as well, seriously. Manic people do stuuupid things with money) has ramped up lately, from my personal experience (with a family member) it’s just going to continue getting worse if untreated. But the good news is there ARE meds that exist and can help. I understand you’re saying he won’t get help - is that true even if you wait until he’s not in a heated state and give him an ultimatum?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. If he can't even work during these bouts, and if they are followed by depressed states, maybe he is bipolar.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. You need to get help and get out. If he gets help you could consider staying married, but he has to do that. You cannot safely live with that, nor is is good for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Start planning for divorce. Even if you want to stay together it would be wiser to divorce so that you are protected from the fallout when he begins acting out financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. He always had a high energy side, but at first I just thought he was fun and exciting.

Over the past year or so, he's become angry and volatile. There are times when he's normal but then something sets him off (usually either something totally mild, or a problem of his own doing) and he becomes angry, blames everyone but himself, is full of rage, illogical, starts talking fast and not making sense, plus he barely sleeps when he's in one of these states. Then, he retreats and shirks all responsibilities he's supposed to have for a few days, only coming out when he feels the urge to scream at everyone for a bit (but then goes back to his retreat). After a period of time (few days, maybe a week) he comes out of his cave calmed down, acts like whatever set him off was someone else's fault but that he's over it, and is normal again.

I think his feelings of grandiosity are borderline delusional. He literally thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He would never seek help because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, and it would be a sign of weakness that he just couldn't tolerate. He just blames everyone else.

Strange behavior runs in his family. I can't turn to his family because they all have their own issues too. I'm scared something is really wrong. Sometimes I'm just really terrified for my family. Sometimes I think I can handle by dissociating from him and trying to stay out of his way when he's angry.

Not asking for advice.... I guess I can't tell anyone in real life, so just want to vent on an anonymous board. People think I live a charmed life but have no idea how scary daily life can be for my kids and I. Mental illness is really scary and can seemingly come out of no where.

When was the last time you/he took a vacation?

[Anonymous]

Look around to see if he is taking prescription drugs. Some common drugs (or mixing) can induce psychotic episodes.

[Anonymous]

How long have you known him and been married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another poster chiming in to say this sounds exactly like mania (which is a trademark of bipolar). Does he seem to experience periodic depressive crashes as well?

I know this isn’t welcome news but with bipolar, the longer it goes untreated the worse it gets. And assuming you’re saying the mania (again, that’s what it is: talking fast, barely sleeping, grandiosity…that’s textbook mania. Please make sure you’re watching your finances closely as well, seriously. Manic people do stuuupid things with money) has ramped up lately, from my personal experience (with a family member) it’s just going to continue getting worse if untreated. But the good news is there ARE meds that exist and can help. I understand you’re saying he won’t get help - is that true even if you wait until he’s not in a heated state and give him an ultimatum?

New poster. OP, I know you said you weren't looking for advice, but I'm begging you to heed ALL the posts saying he's clearly ill, it's very possibly bipolar (which is not the same as a psychotic break, and your descripiton of him is textbook bipolar mania stuff), and you need to make treatment a condition of your staying. YOU ARE NOT ALONE even though you feel you can't turn to family for help. Start with the National Allance on Mental Illness and look up their local support groups for family of mentally ill people. I know, you're busy with kids and a husband who is totally unpredictable, but please reach out and ask NAMI for how to get started navigating this. Talk to people who have been exactly where you are now -- feeling resigned and trapped by the spouse's behaviors, and feeling there's nothing you can do to force him to get any treatment. Ask those who have been there.
https://www.nami.org/personal-stories/living-with-someone-with-bipolar-disorder
Look at that link for links to support and resources. Today. Please. Do not subject your kids to this -- or your husband, either, because he is suffering and cannot see it.

Re: the post above, this is spot on. You must go immediately and check finances, bank records and if your DH has a credit card or cards -- you need to get hold of those records. In manic phases, some people spend wildly. And do things you would never expect them to do. My close friend--a paragon of goodness before her bipolar disorder really took off-- was fired from a high-profile job when the employer discovered she had used her company credit card to buy things, I suspect thousands of dollars of things, that were not business-related. It still amazes me that the employer did not prosecute her. Her closet was bursting with clothes and other items she had never worn or used, tags still on, and her personal credit card was deep under water as well. She spent madly when manic and it permanently wrecked her employment history and her finances. You need at least to find out if reckless spending is one of your DH's manic reactions--if not, great, but keep monitoring credit and finances. He could ruin your own finances too. (My friend later got the treatment she needed, after YEARS of being misdiagnosed as clinically depressed when she actually had bipolar, BTW.)

Hoping you do reach out and are not resigned to living like this, OP. Your kids, and you and your DH, deserve more. It is not possible to get help to someone who utterly refuses it but with advice from support groups you might find ways to speak to him when he's not manic, to reach him and get him to see he needs serious treatment. Don't go it alone, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like bipolar. He could be so successful with the right treatment and meds. You could make your continuation in the marriage conditional on his seeking treatment.

Agree with this. So sorry you are going through this OP.

Yes, of course this! OP, it's really troubling that you came here to "vent" and don't want "advice." So you think continuing in the world you currently have and condemning your children to shitty, damaging childhoods is the price you must pay because giving off the illusion of a charmed life is more important?? You cannot continue to live like this. If you don't do it for yourself, you are obligated to do it for your children.