I think my husband might be having a psychotic break

[Anonymous]

Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

OP, I posted earlier about your getting yourself to a NAMI support group, finding online resources from reputable places like NAMI etc. That is where you can get real advice on the questions you're asking here. Of course people with serious mental illnesses can be very capable of hiding them and then unleashing them on their families at home, while "holding it together" at work and with others. And don't assume he is not doing things behind your back like spending money and other behaviors. If he can hide his anger and "I am perfect and right" delusion from his coworkers, don't you think he also can hide other manifestations of his illness from YOU?

Please don't waste precious time here looking for diagnoses. You've gotten some solid advice that what you describe sounds a lot like the manic side of bipolar. Now we're introducing ADHD? Please, please get help where you are, in person and from experienced groups. We can sit here all day, anonymous strangers on the internet, diagnosing him. You need real, concrete help now.

If he has an actual ADHD diagnosis and has ever been treated for that, that doctor may be the place to start getting help. Not saying what you are describing is due to ADHD -- again, we're not medical professionals here -- but I"m saying, one doctor should be able to connect you with others, and if he's seen a doctor about ADHD willingly in the past, he might be more amenable to that doctor seeing him and might listen if that doctor refers him for other help. And if you think, "But I can't talk to HIS doctor, the doctor won't talk to me about a patient" -- you CAN tell a doctor what you observe, even if the doctor won't respond to you or discuss with you. You absolutely can give a doctor informaiton one-way. But the upshot here is, your DH must not be allowed to "keep it private" any more if he wants to stay married to you--he needs professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Hi Op, I am bipolar (Bipolar 2 specifically) and at my lowest point when I desperately needed care I was still functioning pretty well to outsiders. In fact, dying my manic episodes I am sure my job just thought I was extremely productive. I was calm and collected in front of colleagues for the most part but was actually irritable and wired in my office alone. It didn’t impact my professional life and even my best friends didn’t know how bad it was until I hit a very low depressive episode and was hospitalized. I haven’t done spending sprees during my manic episodes either. For me, those looked like talking extremely fast, staying up all night writing literally hundreds of pages of text or cleaning everything in my apartment or cooking, not wanting or feeling a need to sleep, high energy levels and extreme agitation at the littlest things. Because I wasn’t going out and spending lots of money or making rash decisions, I didn’t believe I could be bipolar until I was hospitalized and working with a therapist and psychiatrist, who diagnosed me. My point is that bipolar disorder looks different on everyone. With medication and therapy, I am at a much healthier and happier place and feel like being bipolar does not affect my day to day life. It is treatable, and I hope your husband gets the care he needs and your family is able to get to a healthier place. My husband has been my rock for all of it, but I’m always aware of how my disorder impacts him and I look back with such shame about the way I treated him when I was manic before my diagnosis and treatment. Sending hugs your way

[Anonymous]

ADHD and depression/bipolar tend to run together. A lot of illnesses tend to run together. Something about certain genes breaking down later in life. OP my ex-husband was the same way but I didn't know anything about these psychotic disorders and kept trying to help blind before it was too late and impossible to save the marriage plus he kind of ran away. I found him worse on the meds when he started them but maybe eventually they help. Living life alone now and it's more peaceful. I think the marriage could be salvageable since this is just beginning but after say your husband goes off to one of those therapy groups in the wilderness for a year. That sort of thing to really work through his issues and get more stable on the medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

OP, I’m the PP from 8:53. In my experience, the answer to this was: yes, he was able to keep in ‘under wraps’…until he wasn’t. I have a feeling if you were able to talk to his coworkers / others he’s been interacting with, they might not agree with you that it isn’t noticeable. The thing is, when someone starts acting like that people don’t really know what to DO, besides do what they can to minimize interactions with him. Trust me, I get it…looking back my family member had been “off” for quite some time and the signs were there, but none of us knew anything about bipolar, nor did we know what to do about him seeming off….and it was natural to just try to minimize it (ie ‘he’s stressed, he’s depressed, he’s been smoking weed, he’s ADD’ - these were all things we theorized in the months leading up to when shit really hit the fan). But he functioned semi normally and held down jobs etc for decades before being diagnosed, and his diagnosis only came after he had a terrible psychotic break/episode, which escalated over a period of MONTHS, in his late 30s. Looking back, he says the diagnoses makes a lot of sense and it’s clear there were things he’s been wrestling with for years…but it wasn’t until that episode that the crazy spending, weird delusional rambling, grandiosity, violence, etc. started. You say this has been going on for awhile - has it been getting worse lately? And do you notice periods of depressive interludes every popping up for him?

Feel free to ask me anything you want to. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I do very strongly agree with PPs that he needs urgent help and that you should not stay in the marriage if he remains untreated/things escalate, but I understand that you’re feeling in way over your head and I remember feeling it too. FWIW my family member is medicated, in therapy and doing wonderfully currently

[Anonymous]

If you seeing psychosis, the other thing to consider is use of pot. Apparently can be a concern with variants with more potency

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

OP, I posted earlier about your getting yourself to a NAMI support group, finding online resources from reputable places like NAMI etc. That is where you can get real advice on the questions you're asking here. Of course people with serious mental illnesses can be very capable of hiding them and then unleashing them on their families at home, while "holding it together" at work and with others. And don't assume he is not doing things behind your back like spending money and other behaviors. If he can hide his anger and "I am perfect and right" delusion from his coworkers, don't you think he also can hide other manifestations of his illness from YOU?

Please don't waste precious time here looking for diagnoses. You've gotten some solid advice that what you describe sounds a lot like the manic side of bipolar. Now we're introducing ADHD? Please, please get help where you are, in person and from experienced groups. We can sit here all day, anonymous strangers on the internet, diagnosing him. You need real, concrete help now.

If he has an actual ADHD diagnosis and has ever been treated for that, that doctor may be the place to start getting help. Not saying what you are describing is due to ADHD -- again, we're not medical professionals here -- but I"m saying, one doctor should be able to connect you with others, and if he's seen a doctor about ADHD willingly in the past, he might be more amenable to that doctor seeing him and might listen if that doctor refers him for other help. And if you think, "But I can't talk to HIS doctor, the doctor won't talk to me about a patient" -- you CAN tell a doctor what you observe, even if the doctor won't respond to you or discuss with you. You absolutely can give a doctor informaiton one-way. But the upshot here is, your DH must not be allowed to "keep it private" any more if he wants to stay married to you--he needs professional help.

NP here - what happens when you provide information to a family member's provider? Wouldn't the family member find out?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, Bipolar is often misdiagnosed as ADHD, because the patient views his hypomania or mania as a productive good thing and doesn’t report the “down” or “irritable” aspects of the cycle.

ADHD meds are often stimulants, which are the wrong meds for bipolar because they can make mania worse. Something similar can happen with a bipolar who is diagnosed with depression only. The treatment for depression is anti-depressants, which in a bipolar person can make mania worse.

Someone with mania needs to be on a proven mood stabilizer like Lithium or Depakote or other similar med.

[Anonymous]

Physician here. I agree that this sounds a lot like bipolar disorder, but it could be substance use or some other kind of medical issue (temporal lobe epilepsy, hyperthyroidism, etc) or even PTSD if he had a serious trauma at some point.

I once had a patient with bipolar disorder (or manic depression) tell me that her periods of mania were the opposite of when she was depressed. “When I’m depressed, I have no energy, and it feels like nothing I do is right. When I’m manic, I have all of this energy, and it seems like everything I think of is a great idea…only later I realize it really was not.”

I thought this was such a great description and explains so many of the behavior changes and the nearly delusional thinking and failure of reality testing that we see in manic episodes.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to talk to the doctor who is treating him for ADHD.

I also would consider substance abuse that you may not be aware of.

[Anonymous]

Poster from another thread here re: my husband’s mental illness and how bad he acts towards me after many wonderful years

For a couple of years now, he has been facing what has been diagnosed as MDD - severe long lasting depression including with early suicidal ideation, depressed mood and low energy, lack of interest in almost anything.

This is interspersed with constant irritability and regular clusters of rage attacks where he literally says he cannot control himself / sometimes does not even remember what exactly he did.

Could this be bipolar?

He does not experience heightened mood though or extreme energy.

It’s more life feeling on edge and going into these crazy reactions.

Problem is he only tells his doctor about the depression but now about losing control during the rages.

So the doctor would not be able to diagnose bipolar.

[Anonymous]

It sounds a lot like my husband who I suspect has an undiagnosed personality disorder of some sort.

Hard to explain but the extreme overreactions to any perceived slight. The obsession on a particular topic, for my husband it's home renovations. And he insists that I indulge him on discussing the minutia of design options and cost/value analysis of every little thing that we are never going to actually embark on. Because they're crazy. Like adding $200k hardscaping to a $700k house because aesthetics. The rages, man-tantrums I call them. He seems to be emotionally stuck at 3 years old.

Good luck. My husband will never seek help so his life is just going to suffer the consequences of his myopic worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Hi Op, I am bipolar (Bipolar 2 specifically) and at my lowest point when I desperately needed care I was still functioning pretty well to outsiders. In fact, dying my manic episodes I am sure my job just thought I was extremely productive. I was calm and collected in front of colleagues for the most part but was actually irritable and wired in my office alone. It didn’t impact my professional life and even my best friends didn’t know how bad it was until I hit a very low depressive episode and was hospitalized. I haven’t done spending sprees during my manic episodes either. For me, those looked like talking extremely fast, staying up all night writing literally hundreds of pages of text or cleaning everything in my apartment or cooking, not wanting or feeling a need to sleep, high energy levels and extreme agitation at the littlest things. Because I wasn’t going out and spending lots of money or making rash decisions, I didn’t believe I could be bipolar until I was hospitalized and working with a therapist and psychiatrist, who diagnosed me. My point is that bipolar disorder looks different on everyone. With medication and therapy, I am at a much healthier and happier place and feel like being bipolar does not affect my day to day life. It is treatable, and I hope your husband gets the care he needs and your family is able to get to a healthier place. My husband has been my rock for all of it, but I’m always aware of how my disorder impacts him and I look back with such shame about the way I treated him when I was manic before my diagnosis and treatment. Sending hugs your way

New poster to this thread. Thank you so much for writing this up. This is so helpful to me as someone whose loved one is bipolar. He does not fit the typical definition either, never went on spending sprees Or did some of the other things considered classically bipolar. I am so happy for you that you got treatment. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a lot like my husband who I suspect has an undiagnosed personality disorder of some sort.

Hard to explain but the extreme overreactions to any perceived slight. The obsession on a particular topic, for my husband it's home renovations. And he insists that I indulge him on discussing the minutia of design options and cost/value analysis of every little thing that we are never going to actually embark on. Because they're crazy. Like adding $200k hardscaping to a $700k house because aesthetics. The rages, man-tantrums I call them. He seems to be emotionally stuck at 3 years old.

Good luck. My husband will never seek help so his life is just going to suffer the consequences of his myopic worldview.

NP - Sounds like my DH except he doesn't share details or seek my input. Finally said no more projects, with a threat to move out more or less. That seemed to resonate, but the underlying issue is still there.

Kind of serious question - anyone want to start a support group for this??? If so, I'd be inclined to create an email for this purpose. I think some of us need to vent and not feel so alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a lot like my husband who I suspect has an undiagnosed personality disorder of some sort.

Hard to explain but the extreme overreactions to any perceived slight. The obsession on a particular topic, for my husband it's home renovations. And he insists that I indulge him on discussing the minutia of design options and cost/value analysis of every little thing that we are never going to actually embark on. Because they're crazy. Like adding $200k hardscaping to a $700k house because aesthetics. The rages, man-tantrums I call them. He seems to be emotionally stuck at 3 years old.

Good luck. My husband will never seek help so his life is just going to suffer the consequences of his myopic worldview.

NP - Sounds like my DH except he doesn't share details or seek my input. Finally said no more projects, with a threat to move out more or less. That seemed to resonate, but the underlying issue is still there.

Kind of serious question - anyone want to start a support group for this??? If so, I'd be inclined to create an email for this purpose. I think some of us need to vent and not feel so alone.

I’d be up for it but would remain anonymous.