I think my husband might be having a psychotic break

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I hope you are planning an exit strategy. Maybe you won’t need to use it, but it seems like for you and your child’s sake it would be wise to start getting your ducks in a row. This definely sounds like a deal breaker if he remains untreated.

[Anonymous]

Manic depressive/ bipolar. He needs to be evaluated by a dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Hi Op, I am bipolar (Bipolar 2 specifically) and at my lowest point when I desperately needed care I was still functioning pretty well to outsiders. In fact, dying my manic episodes I am sure my job just thought I was extremely productive. I was calm and collected in front of colleagues for the most part but was actually irritable and wired in my office alone. It didn’t impact my professional life and even my best friends didn’t know how bad it was until I hit a very low depressive episode and was hospitalized. I haven’t done spending sprees during my manic episodes either. For me, those looked like talking extremely fast, staying up all night writing literally hundreds of pages of text or cleaning everything in my apartment or cooking, not wanting or feeling a need to sleep, high energy levels and extreme agitation at the littlest things. Because I wasn’t going out and spending lots of money or making rash decisions, I didn’t believe I could be bipolar until I was hospitalized and working with a therapist and psychiatrist, who diagnosed me. My point is that bipolar disorder looks different on everyone. With medication and therapy, I am at a much healthier and happier place and feel like being bipolar does not affect my day to day life. It is treatable, and I hope your husband gets the care he needs and your family is able to get to a healthier place. My husband has been my rock for all of it, but I’m always aware of how my disorder impacts him and I look back with such shame about the way I treated him when I was manic before my diagnosis and treatment. Sending hugs your way

New poster to this thread. Thank you so much for writing this up. This is so helpful to me as someone whose loved one is bipolar. He does not fit the typical definition either, never went on spending sprees Or did some of the other things considered classically bipolar. I am so happy for you that you got treatment. I wish you all the best.

PP from 11:34 here. I hope your loved one gets / is getting the care he needs. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late twenties and though it was scary at first, I look back and am grateful that someone took me seriously and that my husband took me to the hospital when I was suicidal. The diagnosis and treatment saved my life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

NP. I don't have experience with bipolar disorder but I will just say this:

Every time you retreat, take stock, and then go back, is just a step towards normalization. And that's dangerous. And bad. My husband is not bipolar, but he has anger issues. Everyone along the way has made an excuse for him because he's smart, charming, and essentially kind. It's a big joke with his family. Guess what isn't a joke? When he viciously verbally attacks his teen daughter for standing up for herself and the rest of us, to the extent that I am literally sick to my stomach and she's devastated.

20 years on and it's just so much harder to leave. I wish I would have left at the point you are at now.

[Anonymous]

bipolar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster from another thread here re: my husband’s mental illness and how bad he acts towards me after many wonderful years

For a couple of years now, he has been facing what has been diagnosed as MDD - severe long lasting depression including with early suicidal ideation, depressed mood and low energy, lack of interest in almost anything.

This is interspersed with constant irritability and regular clusters of rage attacks where he literally says he cannot control himself / sometimes does not even remember what exactly he did.

Could this be bipolar?

He does not experience heightened mood though or extreme energy.

It’s more life feeling on edge and going into these crazy reactions.

Problem is he only tells his doctor about the depression but now about losing control during the rages.

So the doctor would not be able to diagnose bipolar.

NP. My ex-H has bipolar 2, and he never seemed "up" or energized, so his diagnosis came as a surprise. But apparently, during manic periods, you can have dysphoria, a negative version of euphoria. So during my ex's manic periods, he seemed agitated and irritable and irrational. He never seemed manic in the traditional sense, and he kept it entirely under wraps at work. And yet he was privately doing extremely risky things like anonymous gay sex in random hotel rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster from another thread here re: my husband’s mental illness and how bad he acts towards me after many wonderful years

For a couple of years now, he has been facing what has been diagnosed as MDD - severe long lasting depression including with early suicidal ideation, depressed mood and low energy, lack of interest in almost anything.

This is interspersed with constant irritability and regular clusters of rage attacks where he literally says he cannot control himself / sometimes does not even remember what exactly he did.

Could this be bipolar?

He does not experience heightened mood though or extreme energy.

It’s more life feeling on edge and going into these crazy reactions.

Problem is he only tells his doctor about the depression but now about losing control during the rages.

So the doctor would not be able to diagnose bipolar.

NP. My ex-H has bipolar 2, and he never seemed "up" or energized, so his diagnosis came as a surprise. But apparently, during manic periods, you can have dysphoria, a negative version of euphoria. So during my ex's manic periods, he seemed agitated and irritable and irrational. He never seemed manic in the traditional sense, and he kept it entirely under wraps at work. And yet he was privately doing extremely risky things like anonymous gay sex in random hotel rooms.

NP. What? He was having gay sex during his manic periods? Windering what he thinks of that during his “regular” periods? Does he consider himself as bi usually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster from another thread here re: my husband’s mental illness and how bad he acts towards me after many wonderful years

For a couple of years now, he has been facing what has been diagnosed as MDD - severe long lasting depression including with early suicidal ideation, depressed mood and low energy, lack of interest in almost anything.

This is interspersed with constant irritability and regular clusters of rage attacks where he literally says he cannot control himself / sometimes does not even remember what exactly he did.

Could this be bipolar?

He does not experience heightened mood though or extreme energy.

It’s more life feeling on edge and going into these crazy reactions.

Problem is he only tells his doctor about the depression but now about losing control during the rages.

So the doctor would not be able to diagnose bipolar.

NP. My ex-H has bipolar 2, and he never seemed "up" or energized, so his diagnosis came as a surprise. But apparently, during manic periods, you can have dysphoria, a negative version of euphoria. So during my ex's manic periods, he seemed agitated and irritable and irrational. He never seemed manic in the traditional sense, and he kept it entirely under wraps at work. And yet he was privately doing extremely risky things like anonymous gay sex in random hotel rooms.

Interesting. My ex too. They probably met each other. I don't know why so many people have bipolar these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

I'm in my 50s and am the daughter of someone who sounds very like your husband. It's impossible to over-emphasize the damage growing up in a household like yours is to your kids. The normalization of toxic behavior, the walking on eggshells, hiding what's going on at home from those outside it, the emotional (and sometimes physical) damage inflicted by your parent. It has lifelong repercussions. Generational trauma is a thing and I can see how it ripples through my family - to our detriment.

https://oie.duke.edu/inter-generational-trauma-6-ways-it-affects-families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster from another thread here re: my husband’s mental illness and how bad he acts towards me after many wonderful years

For a couple of years now, he has been facing what has been diagnosed as MDD - severe long lasting depression including with early suicidal ideation, depressed mood and low energy, lack of interest in almost anything.

This is interspersed with constant irritability and regular clusters of rage attacks where he literally says he cannot control himself / sometimes does not even remember what exactly he did.

Could this be bipolar?

He does not experience heightened mood though or extreme energy.

It’s more life feeling on edge and going into these crazy reactions.

Problem is he only tells his doctor about the depression but now about losing control during the rages.

So the doctor would not be able to diagnose bipolar.

NP. My ex-H has bipolar 2, and he never seemed "up" or energized, so his diagnosis came as a surprise. But apparently, during manic periods, you can have dysphoria, a negative version of euphoria. So during my ex's manic periods, he seemed agitated and irritable and irrational. He never seemed manic in the traditional sense, and he kept it entirely under wraps at work. And yet he was privately doing extremely risky things like anonymous gay sex in random hotel rooms.

NP. What? He was having gay sex during his manic periods? Windering what he thinks of that during his “regular” periods? Does he consider himself as bi usually?

He considers himself 100% straight, and he's now dating some poor unsuspecting woman he met on Bumble. My own personal opinion is that he must be at least bi, but he seemingly hasn't admitted it to himself, much less others, despite coming from a very liberal family and community. I've (mostly, lol) stopped trying to make sense of it all.

[Anonymous]

Different poster here with a question (not OP):

For those of you who have described your ex-husband - how did their behavior factor in to the terms of your divorce? Asking as a SAHM of several years, which means I would at least need some temporary spousal assistance if it comes to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here with a question (not OP):

For those of you who have described your ex-husband - how did their behavior factor in to the terms of your divorce? Asking as a SAHM of several years, which means I would at least need some temporary spousal assistance if it comes to that.

A lot. I could have remained separated for life or amicably divorced but it became impossible to communicate and the behaviors were so risky that I knew I had to break from it. Very sad all around. There was no discussing financials. He pays the bare minimum. No spousal support. Men like this hate spousal support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here with a question (not OP):

For those of you who have described your ex-husband - how did their behavior factor in to the terms of your divorce? Asking as a SAHM of several years, which means I would at least need some temporary spousal assistance if it comes to that.

A lot. I could have remained separated for life or amicably divorced but it became impossible to communicate and the behaviors were so risky that I knew I had to break from it. Very sad all around. There was no discussing financials. He pays the bare minimum. No spousal support. Men like this hate spousal support.

Also he went to therapy and since it was individual the person didn't understand the issues and no real help was given to him.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound anything like psychosis. I agree with other posters that it sounds more like bipolar.

[Anonymous]

Np here, it sounds like mania, with some elements of psychosis.

It doesn’t mean he is bipolar - other things can cause mania - our child had these episodes and it was misdiagnosed- it was actually ADHD and severe anxiety. He was treated for bipolar for a while and finally one psychiatrist said he thought it was anxiety and the mania was caused by insomnia (which was due to the anxiety). Now on medication for anxiety and ADHD and doing much much better.

Regardless of diagnosis, eventually this behavior may tip and your DH will get hospitalized. That may or may not be a good thing if he is not willing to seek treatment on his own.

Can you get him to go see a normal doctor during one of his mani episodes? They may send him to the ER if they see him during those moments. Or you could call a crisis center - they will do home visits.

Sorry you are dealing with it. It can be better for everyone (especially your DH who is also suffering) with treatment.