So, how do you get a baby and a house?

[Anonymous]

So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

[Anonymous]

Divorce

[Anonymous]

Huh? These things don’t “manifest,” you make decisions with your spouse. Your post makes little sense.

[Anonymous]

You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

[Anonymous]

If it doesn’t get measured it doesn’t get done.
Find a house that you feel is acceptable and make a note of its price.
Do some research and find out how much money you would need to put down and earn to live in the house.
If there are any short falls between what you want and how much you make you then write down the steps you need to make to get what you want.

Baby steps will get you everywhere you want to go but you’re not going anywhere until you write down exactly what you want.

Say you want to buy a $300,000 house, you will need to put down $60,000 and be comfortable with a mortgage payment, taxes and insurance of around 2800 per month, would this be doable or does somebody need a higher paying job to pull this off?

If you have $50,000 saved up you need to put away a certain amount every week or month until you reach your goal.

Babies are much more difficult, some men are never ready for them but do quite well when they arrive – I was one of them.
But if your husband is not moving forward with life for other reasons then that’s a much harder conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

My friend who never married has a house, her own business, and two adopted children. She was always too picky to deal with living with another adult and so just decided to do it on her own. She gets help from family.

[Anonymous]

These aren't things that a man accomplished FOR you, they are things that a man can accomplish WITH you. If your husband isn't able or willing to accomplish those goals with you, then it is time to divorce an move on. But if you are expecting him to do those things alone without you, then you are at least as much of the problem as he is.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women just stop taking birth control. Just being honest. If your husband is broke and you think he’s be a terrible father, I don’t recommend this method, unless you can provide yourself and any kids and don’t mind doing the majority of child rearing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

PP here. That's what I said, ha: I was having a baby and it could either be his, or Lance from the sperm bank who was 6'2 with a full head of hair and Harvard degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women just stop taking birth control. Just being honest. If your husband is broke and you think he’s be a terrible father, I don’t recommend this method, unless you can provide yourself and any kids and don’t mind doing the majority of child rearing

No, sorry. This is absolutely a horrifically awful thing to do. You promise someone you will love and support them and then you deliberately take from them one of the most important and difficult decisions a person will ever make. Terrible.

I mean come on, people, if a man sabotaged his wife's birth control pills not one person would be defending him. This is as bad.

If he vetoes kids and you want them, you get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you talk about these things before you got married? My husband and I had a lot of talks about what we wanted our lives to look like in terms of where we'd live, what kind of dwelling, our work schedules, how many kids, how we'd parent, travel, friends, substances, money, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These aren't things that a man accomplished FOR you, they are things that a man can accomplish WITH you. If your husband isn't able or willing to accomplish those goals with you, then it is time to divorce an move on. But if you are expecting him to do those things alone without you, then you are at least as much of the problem as he is.

People do divorce because one person doesn't want to have children quite often. It's even an accepted reason for divorce in almost all churches.

[Anonymous]

"I'm going to sit here and wait for my husband to make good things happen for me, geez why doesn't he hurry up already" -- 99% of all women.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. You discuss them before marriage and do your best to make sure you marry someone dependable who sincerely wants those things and isn’t gaslighting you. You also do your best to ensure you are marrying someone who not only wants those things in general but wants them with you.