So, how do you get a baby and a house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm going to sit here and wait for my husband to make good things happen for me, geez why doesn't he hurry up already" -- 99% of all women.

These days, that 99% is way too high to be accurate. - a wife who is the main breadwinner and caretaker and the reason we have a house.

[Anonymous]

Op, have you posted this before? You spent a bunch of money on a wedding and honeymoon rather than a down payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

You treat your husband like a sperm donor. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

I mean, you get these things by marrying someone who also wants those things, and then working towards them together. What does your husband say when you say you are ready for a baby/want to buy a house?

[Anonymous]

People, please, it’s a troll thread. There are many on here that are started for that reason. It’s not real.

[Anonymous]

I bought my house before I met my husband. We talked about a baby before we got married. Gave birth shortly after the honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bought my house before I met my husband. We talked about a baby before we got married. Gave birth shortly after the honeymoon.

Same. I feel for you, OP, and probably not the answer that you want to hear, but I made it happen for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

You don't seem mature and selfless enough to raise a child.

[Anonymous]

When I met my future husband he was in the Navy. After a few months he said, If we got married I'd get a three BR fully furnished house on base plus extra money each month. Sounded good to me so we got married. Then he talked me into stopping my birth control. I wanted to wait a few years but I went along with it anyway. I'm glad I did, two kids and a 25 year marriage, turned out great! Guess I got lucky!

[Anonymous]

You made this bed a long time ago when you married him because you fell in love with him. He’s the same him he’s always been, and the only thing you made a requirement to marry him was love and himself. Not a baby or a house or anything else. Sorry, there’s no other answer than you’re stuck until he decides he’s ready.

The “Divorce!” crowd will say otherwise but clearly they place no value on marriage to begon with. Divorce will not solve your problems. Find contentment in other arenas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm going to sit here and wait for my husband to make good things happen for me, geez why doesn't he hurry up already" -- 99% of all women.

I don't know any women like this. In most of the marriages I know, the women are driving these decisions and the man is much more along for the ride. Sometimes he takes a "whatever makes her happy" attitude, but among most of the men I know, it's more like they feel their wives are better at family and financial planning and they defer a bit to her because they don't feel as confident about the timing. Whereas my girlfriends will be like "Yes, we're going to start trying for a baby this year because if it doesn't happen quickly I want plenty of time to do IVF or initiate adoption so we still are parents by 40 at the latest." Like they've really thought it out and have a plan. The guys are much more likely to be like "Yeah we definitely want to be parents -- I'm sure it will work out" and then just assume it will.

I don't know a single woman who just expects her DH to accomplish her life goals for her.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot here about what you wanted but nothing about him. YOU were in love with him. YOU wanted a home and kids. What did he want? What was his suggested timeline for kids when you got married?

Marriage doesn't guarantee a home and kids. Picking a guy who wants kids on a reasonable timeline does increase your odds, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

PP here. That's what I said, ha: I was having a baby and it could either be his, or Lance from the sperm bank who was 6'2 with a full head of hair and Harvard degree.

I love this. For some reason the name Lance had me LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you talk about these things before you got married? My husband and I had a lot of talks about what we wanted our lives to look like in terms of where we'd live, what kind of dwelling, our work schedules, how many kids, how we'd parent, travel, friends, substances, money, etc.

This. I was 30 when I met DH and he was 35. I think we talked about desire for kids on the 2nd date. Neither of us wanted to waste time dating someone not on the same page. Married a year and a half later. First kid a year and a half after that. If he was unsure about kids at 35 yrs old I'd not have continued dating him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

Step outside of your bubble and you’ll see that not every married woman organically gets these. And there are many reasons why that do not always have to do with immaturity or stalling on the part of the husband.