So, how do you get a baby and a house?

[Anonymous]

I married a man who couldn’t wait to be a father. In grad school, he would talk about how he didn’t want to be an old dad who couldn’t play with his kids. I was the one dragging my feet getting married and TTC but, as soon as I was ready, he was in it 100%. We started with a 2 bedroom condo and then bought a small home with a little yard for our kids. You can have all of the things you want with the right partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

PP here. That's what I said, ha: I was having a baby and it could either be his, or Lance from the sperm bank who was 6'2 with a full head of hair and Harvard degree.

Lol, "Lance from Harvard." More likely Dave the unemployed loser who j*rks off in a cup for $50 a pop.

Fewer than 1% of donor applicants are accepted. They undergo personality and intelligence tests, physical tests, and genetic screening.

There's a lot of stigma around it but I really wish I had gone that route. Research has found single moms have more money, more free time, get more sleep, and are overall happier. Make more money and have a genetically superior kid? Way better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

This is so awesome!

It's actually quite sad

[Anonymous]

Maybe you'd be further along in your life goals if you actually made some effort instead of whining about it on DCUM month after month and year after year

[Anonymous]

I did it for myself. Bought my house before I married him; it is in my name only. Gave him the option of a baby with me this year or me having a baby otherwise next year. None of this big picture stuff was left out of pre-marital conversations. He just needed the kick off the ledge and was dragging his feet. It’s not your spouse’s job to give you anything. Do it together or do it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

1. Get pregnant.
2. Buy a house.

Fixed it for you.

[Anonymous]

What's holding him back? Does he want those things? Can you afford them? If not, why not? (Bad luck and unexpected expenses, or under employed and if so why?).

If he doesn't want them, you have a chance to make. If you can't afford them, you need to figure out how to afford them. Go back to school, change careers, move somewhere cheaper, learn how to save money better...

I doesn't "just happen" for most people. I had broken up with guys who never wanted kids. Dh and I had to make a difficult career and housing decision to afford the second kid. We knew we wanted most of the same things before getting married, but it was work to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

This is so awesome!

It's actually quite sad

I suppose if I had a marriage devoid of all communication and humor I'd be sad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

This is so awesome!

It's actually quite sad

I suppose if I had a marriage devoid of all communication and humor I'd be sad too.

That's not an example of communication or humor

[Anonymous]

How old are you op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have been married to a man I fell in love with, for 8 years. I always wanted a family, building a home and kids. I waited and waited and waited for my husband to be ready, emotionally and financially to accomplish these goals for me.

Well, he hasn't. I just don't know how to manifest these that every woman seems to organically get as a part of marriage. I feel aghast and defeated.

You buy your own house and adopt a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get it for yourself. And draw boundaries.

I was miserable when I waited around for men to give me what I wanted.

When I busted my @$$, made a ton of money, bought my own dream home - now THAT was fulfilling.

I told my H I wanted children, and if he didn't, I would need to move on and find someone who did. Surprise, suddenly he was ready.

+1 I told DH I was having somebody's baby in the next year, and I sure hoped it would be his.

This is so awesome!

It's actually quite sad

I suppose if I had a marriage devoid of all communication and humor I'd be sad too.

That's not an example of communication or humor

It’s an extortion threat.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell him you are going off birth control and see what happens. Then at least you have given him fair warning, and his response will give you info on your next steps.