Carolyn Hax today

[Anonymous]

Just curious if anyone read Carolyn Hax’ advice column today? It has a paywall but: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/
In a nutshell: The poster (who is flat chested) has been in a loving relationship for 2.5 years. She just found out that within the first six months of her relationship, her boyfriend told a friend he was glad his previous GF was large chested so he could have the experience. That he loved his current GF but her chest is much smaller than the previous GF . She was seeking feedback, wondering if this was a dealbreaker.
CH basically said that we all make compromises in relationships, and that “settling” doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. But wonders if GF can still love her BF after what he did?

For me, I would be deeply hurt, plus it would make me feel undesirable. Not sure what I’d do about it?

Just curious for other opinions.

[Anonymous]

Today was a banner day for Hax. It was like every crazy, mean, and self centered person wrote into her chat.

I figured this was going to be about the parents who were calling their 12 year old a brat for not deciding which parent he wanted to live with after their divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today was a banner day for Hax. It was like every crazy, mean, and self centered person wrote into her chat.

I figured this was going to be about the parents who were calling their 12 year old a brat for not deciding which parent he wanted to live with after their divorce.

Oh wow, I don’t follow her chat—sounds crazy! What did people think about the small chested GF? (I am small myself so it resonated!)

[Anonymous]

I’d like to know how she found out.

[Anonymous]

Liking big chests is not biological it’s a social phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

I would lose respect for the man and cut him loose. I’m particular about how I like to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Imagine how he'd feel if she fully and honestly told him her experiences with past BFs and how they compared to him. "Deeply hurt and rejected" doesn't even begin to describe it.

"She found out" - what was she doing, snooping through his old emails and texts?

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend who told me after we'd been together for at least six months that he preferred small breasts and I have large breasts. It would have been a relationship breaker if he hadn't also been very attentive to my breasts and great at mammary stimulation. I decided not to hold that faux pas against him. I mean, I prefer larger penises to his but he was so good at his penis skills that I overlooked that and decided not to mention it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Liking big chests is not biological it’s a social phenomenon.

Where'd you come up with that? Having big breasts and small waist is probably an indication of fertility and maternity, which is biologically attractive to men. A preference for small breasts is probably the result of culture overriding biology.

[Anonymous]

He's a jerk. We all tell white lies in marriage. Of course everyone compromises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today was a banner day for Hax. It was like every crazy, mean, and self centered person wrote into her chat.

I figured this was going to be about the parents who were calling their 12 year old a brat for not deciding which parent he wanted to live with after their divorce.

Oh wow, I don’t follow her chat—sounds crazy! What did people think about the small chested GF? (I am small myself so it resonated!)

The column wasn’t mentioned in the chat - the people who wrote in were so much worse than the boyfriend in the column. It was really sad. Carolyn handled it very well.

[Anonymous]

He's been with her TWO AND A HALF YEARS and she cares about something that happened at the beginning of their relationship? WTF? Clearly he loves her and wants to be with her, it sounds like this is more about her lack of confidence than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Liking big chests is not biological it’s a social phenomenon.

Where'd you come up with that? Having big breasts and small waist is probably an indication of fertility and maternity, which is biologically attractive to men. A preference for small breasts is probably the result of culture overriding biology.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, but: Where'd YOU come up with this "indication of fertility and maternity" etc.? And couched with "probably" even though you assert it as if it's gospel? If you're going to assert things as if you're a scientist, at least toss some citations in. Real ones, please. What you happen to think or feel or what you claim you heard somewhere, sometime, is not a citation. I'm not necessarily doubting what you say but you have zero foundation for asserting it as if you've studied it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine how he'd feel if she fully and honestly told him her experiences with past BFs and how they compared to him. "Deeply hurt and rejected" doesn't even begin to describe it.

"She found out" - what was she doing, snooping through his old emails and texts?

Remarkable how you leap immediately to blaming her for "snooping." And you also jump straight to whataboutism, turning around the scenario to focus on the man and how HE would feel, poor baby.

Projecting much, PP?

As for how she found out: She didn't say in the letter to Hax. But it's just as possible that he blurted it out to her during an argument. Or that some mutual friend who isn't much of a friend told her, claiming "you ought to know!" YEARS after the fact. Someone who likes to stir the sh*t and see what happens. Either of those scenarios is as valid as the idea of her snooping.

But you need to be sure the woman's to blame somehow, right, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's been with her TWO AND A HALF YEARS and she cares about something that happened at the beginning of their relationship? WTF? Clearly he loves her and wants to be with her, it sounds like this is more about her lack of confidence than anything else.

True, and Hax pointed out that everyone makes compromises in relationships, even in great relationships. He can like what he likes in terms of specific physical attributes (we all do have certain likes or dislikes, but to paraphrase Hax, he chooses to love the totality of his girlfriend, the things that all add up to make her, her. That's much more than a pair of breasts, if he's a decent person. And the letter writer seems to indicate he is, and that this is an outlier. I'd be more concerned, in her shoes, about the motives of the person who chose to tell her this, if that's how she found out. I'd wonder if that person were trying to sow discord, undermine her confidence, even start driving a wedge between them.