Carolyn Hax today

[Anonymous]

I'd be hurt if he wasn't straight with me about his preferences, not that he had them. I happen to not be into men who are redheads but still had a big crush on one in college. The fact he's with her despite her small chest should be a good sign that he loves her and isn't a superficial person. He's allowed to like big boobs.🤷‍♀️

Signed,
34A

[Anonymous]

My H said something similar a few months into our relationship. It hurt me deeply and made me feel horrible about myself for a long time. Sure, I had also slept with men who had more impressive attributes, whether it was a larger pen!s, a six pack, a full head of hair, etc but I never felt glad that I had the experience. I only wanted him.

It took us a couple years to work past it. I would get upset over it once or twice a month and we would have to talk about it. I cried a lot. He was reassuring and eventually we got past it, but only because he was so understanding. If he had told me to get over it, or made excuses, or blamed me for being insecure, I would have bailed.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him to have his P enlarged first.

[Anonymous]

The comment was made two years ago and he’s still with her, small boobs and all, so she must be using them wisely. I have small boobs and I know my DH had GF’s with big ones but he seems very satisfied. Old BF’s had bigger penises than my husband but I’m very happy with what he has. It’s not what you have, it’s how you use it.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn’t that he likes big boobs. Obviously, we all have physical ideals that our partners can never meet. The problem is that he told her. (I’m not clear on how she found out, though.) If it was an isolated incident or she found out by mistake, NBD. But if he consistently makes her feel judged, objectified, inferior … that’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Always great to hear what the divorced relationship columnist has to say.

[Anonymous]

When my DH has sexual fantasies I’m sure he’s not thinking of my body, nor I his. But we have a great sex life so we seem to do pretty well with what we have. Based on my limited experience my husband is on the small size but it fits very nicely in a couple of places.

[Anonymous]

Another small chested woman here— in the beginning of my relationship with my DH of > 20 years he made a comment that he was used to larger breasts. It didn’t phase me at the time, but I do think about it from time to time. If he told anyone else, I would be horrified.

I would love to hear a follow up from the GF and what she decides to do.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - I’m on the smaller size and definitely not one to walk around a locker room naked. But in my dating and now many married years I’ve never heard any complaints. My wife has small breasts that are pretty perky at age 48 which is much nicer than big breasts that sag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's been with her TWO AND A HALF YEARS and she cares about something that happened at the beginning of their relationship? WTF? Clearly he loves her and wants to be with her, it sounds like this is more about her lack of confidence than anything else.

True, and Hax pointed out that everyone makes compromises in relationships, even in great relationships. He can like what he likes in terms of specific physical attributes (we all do have certain likes or dislikes, but to paraphrase Hax, he chooses to love the totality of his girlfriend, the things that all add up to make her, her. That's much more than a pair of breasts, if he's a decent person. And the letter writer seems to indicate he is, and that this is an outlier. I'd be more concerned, in her shoes, about the motives of the person who chose to tell her this, if that's how she found out. I'd wonder if that person were trying to sow discord, undermine her confidence, even start driving a wedge between them.

+1 It's the totality of the person, not a single attribute. My now-DH and I been together for about a year when someone commented on how nice my curly hair looked. Now-DH responded something along the lines of, 'if you're a 2 year old' - meaning, my hair looked good on a 2 year old but not someone my age. Clearly, DH preferred more styled hair but that's not me. It didn't bother me because he made it clear in many other ways just how attractive he found the 'totality' of me. Breast size, like hair, is an attribute, not the totality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I’m on the smaller size and definitely not one to walk around a locker room naked. But in my dating and now many married years I’ve never heard any complaints. My wife has small breasts that are pretty perky at age 48 which is much nicer than big breasts that sag.

+1

Cow udders that sag are not attractive. I find big breasts can start to look matronly when women age. Best friend had a reduction in her late 40s and she looks like she lost 15 pounds (and she was not heavy). They were just large on a small person.

[Anonymous]

Male here. I tend to prefer so-called flat chests. Less saggy. More responsive. Not always, but usually. And the difference has gotten more pronounced now that I am dating lots of divorced moms.

I can't be the only one who thinks this.

But personality counts much more, obviously, and I would not be mean.

[Anonymous]

I had a bad say something, comparing, me and another gf. (She was in between while we had a break………)

It was hurtful.

I tried to not judge the relationship on that alone. There were other reasons to eventually break up.

Now, in the letter’s ^ case bf didn’t say it TO her. I wonder the motives of the person who eventually shared it.

Either way, she should assess the relationship, but I wouldn’t put this comment at the forefront. Other things will make or break it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a bad say something, comparing, me and another gf. (She was in between while we had a break………)

It was hurtful.

I tried to not judge the relationship on that alone. There were other reasons to eventually break up.

Now, in the letter’s ^ case bf didn’t say it TO her. I wonder the motives of the person who eventually shared it.

Either way, she should assess the relationship, but I wouldn’t put this comment at the forefront. Other things will make or break it.

*BF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I’m on the smaller size and definitely not one to walk around a locker room naked. But in my dating and now many married years I’ve never heard any complaints. My wife has small breasts that are pretty perky at age 48 which is much nicer than big breasts that sag.

+1

Cow udders that sag are not attractive. I find big breasts can start to look matronly when women age. Best friend had a reduction in her late 40s and she looks like she lost 15 pounds (and she was not heavy). They were just large on a small person.

I love how this was originally about women being hurt by jerk men and jerk men turned it into a discussion on what type of breasts they like. UGH.