Do you plan your own Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

Last year, I was hoping that DH might have some proposal of something to do on Mother's Day. He's not great at planning or executing, so this is not a surprise. But sometimes he'll pull one out, so you never know what you're going to get. But I felt a little bummed out last year that there was no urge to do anything. Finally he invited me to take my daughter (6) and have "a mother's day" out with her while he stayed at home (lazy bum, and also made me sad). When I proposed an idea for something to do, well, he thought that sounded interesting to him and decided he wanted to come along after all. Later it occurred to him that he hadn't played this day that well and he apologized for being lame. For Father's Day, I make sure we have a plan for breakfast or to go out for brunch and I already have a gift for him. I wouldn't do this to him, and I actually think he'd be pretty upset if the reverse happened to him. We've been having a tough time in our marriage, and stuff like this is very emblematic to me of what's wrong, even though I think it has more to do with him and his lack of motivation rather than how he actually feels about me. I'm kind of assuming I should just forget my ideal of a day planned for me/togetherness and make my own plan or treat it like any other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Look my DH is amazing but a horrible planner. If I left the planning up to him, it would be a disaster (and I have).

So instead I’ve come to terms with just being specific and telling him exactly what I want. I am not super high maintenance, I don’t think- I ask him to order and pick up bagels for breakfast, take the kids so I can sleep in, and takeout for dinner. Some years we do a picnic, hike, or winery, stuff like that.

But I need to tell him where I want the takeout from or whatever.

Yes, it would be ideal if he had amazing surprises dreamed up etc but that’s not him, so I had to come to terms with it. I plan and he executes, for this one day.

[Anonymous]

Yes—-single parent

[Anonymous]

This year I made a reservation near my kids’ college and we’re having a quick meal out because they are in middle of final exams. In past years, my DH never planned anything and I didn’t want to feel disappointed so I took matters into my own hand.

[Anonymous]

I actually don’t care about it so I just tag along with the in laws’ celebration. I just don’t need yet another day about me but it matters to them.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Even when I was married.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. I tell my family explicitly what I want to do.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care about these Hallmark celebrations either. I don’t know what that says about me… Those that place the most importance on gift giving and planning always seem to be disappointed and have unhappy marriages.

[Anonymous]

Yes—lesbian mom. My wife and I plan to tell each other what great moms we are to our two kids and then go about the day as usual. This is how we’ve celebrated for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

My kids are at the age where they do things on their own (often craft projects). The only thing I ask for is brunch at a lovely restaurant and because reservations open up on their website and fill quickly, and I’m online more, I book that myself rather than my husband.

[Anonymous]

I don't but DH always asks what I want and I tell him. Last year, he got the most amazing dry flower arrangement and made me breakfast in bed. We usually do a picnic as well with the kids. I'm a happy camper.

[Anonymous]

I ordered my own gift. I don’t plan anything special for the day itself. DD usually brings home some art project from school. And that’s about it. I would cry from joy and astonishment if DH or DD ever planned an actual event.

[Anonymous]

No don’t care.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t blame your husband of your marriage. I don’t think many men really plan anything for Mother’s Day. One of my kids’ teachers told me once that she knew this, and that was why she always made sure to have the kids make a special gift at school. I have noticed since then that most of the female teachers seem to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that what everyone does?
I don't know anyone, OP, who has their Mother's Day planned out for them. Wouldn't you want to do exactly what YOU want?