Do you plan your own Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

At this stage my husband normally gets flowers, and makes breakfast in bed with the kids. Sometimes we have a picnic out. Sometimes he makes a photo card or gift. This year I saw a gift idea the kids could make that was cute, so I just got it and gave it to them to execute.

However this is after explicitly explaining that I like celebrations for things like Mother’s Day, birthdays, etc.

[Anonymous]

I do exactly what I want. Otherwise I'd end up having to get up, get ready, go out to crowded brunch where we have to wait forever, walk around a park somewhere, yada yada yada. No thank you. Ima sleep, sleep some more, maybe eat a waffle, and go back to bed. The instructions are - leave me alone. Happy Mother's Day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I was hoping that DH might have some proposal of something to do on Mother's Day. He's not great at planning or executing, so this is not a surprise. But sometimes he'll pull one out, so you never know what you're going to get. But I felt a little bummed out last year that there was no urge to do anything. Finally he invited me to take my daughter (6) and have "a mother's day" out with her while he stayed at home (lazy bum, and also made me sad). When I proposed an idea for something to do, well, he thought that sounded interesting to him and decided he wanted to come along after all. Later it occurred to him that he hadn't played this day that well and he apologized for being lame. For Father's Day, I make sure we have a plan for breakfast or to go out for brunch and I already have a gift for him. I wouldn't do this to him, and I actually think he'd be pretty upset if the reverse happened to him. We've been having a tough time in our marriage, and stuff like this is very emblematic to me of what's wrong, even though I think it has more to do with him and his lack of motivation rather than how he actually feels about me. I'm kind of assuming I should just forget my ideal of a day planned for me/togetherness and make my own plan or treat it like any other weekend.

Sounds like you should spend part of Mother’s Day wondering why you spend time assuming things about DH instead of communicating with DH. How is he supposed to know what you want and how you feel if you never say anything to him???

He’s known her for many years, they live together, and he has seen her plan celebrations for other people. BS that he has no idea what she wants.

[Anonymous]

No youth soccer does. 3 soccer games from Ellicott City to Richmond.

[Anonymous]

Mother's Day is like another day around here. I've learned not to expect anything except cutesy stuff from the kids and cards. My husband does not get the whole concept of "leave Mom alone and let her relax." So I just carve out time for what I want to do in between the normal day to day stuff I'd normally be doing on a Sunday. I buy myself little gift in the days leading up to it and find ways to make time for myself since per usual, no one is going to do it for me. It's much better when you can let of expectations and just enjoy the day

[Anonymous]

These replies all make me a little sad. You shouldn't have to plan your own Mother's Day. It's unacceptable that DHs can't do something a little special or out-of-the-ordinary as a way of showing their love. It's not about what THEY want, it's about them knowing what would make wife/mom smile. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive, but it should be something thoughtful. If you have to plan the day yourself or explicitly ask for something, it takes all of the warmth out of the experience. I mean, you are freakin married, why can't DHs know what makes their wives feel special. God bless the elementary school teachers who have realized how most DHs won't do anything so they spend class time making gifts for mom. BTW, don't forget to give the teachers, many of whom are moms, a little love for Mother's Day. Often they are second moms to these kids.

[Anonymous]

Bought my own gift. Expect nothing else. Forgot it was mother's day. Hope for some candy.

[Anonymous]

Yep! I go to brunch at a diner with my mom and sister and NONE of our 6 kids. It’s my favorite day of the year!

[Anonymous]

I give the outline, he fills it in.

I want to sleep late, have coffee in bed, take an exercise class, do something as a family, and not cook dinner, do laundry, or clean the house.

If he wants to do laundry himself fine. If he wants to send it out, fine! He arranged for our cleaner to come first thing Monday, great! I have no idea what our family activity will be but I know I don’t have to find tickets and check times and that’s a vacation all by itself. He’s a wonderful husband and I believe we should set each other up to succeed on these days, not fail.

(He celebrates steak-and-a-blowjob day for Father’s Day so I’m not the only one who spells it out)

[Anonymous]

My DH would never plan anything for Mother's Day, nor would he lift a finger to help with household stuff (like doing the dishes, for example). I would love to plan my own day... in other words, just announce I'm taking the afternoon off, but he couldn't handle that either since he'd have to then take care of the kids. He's the same on my birthday. When my kids were younger, their teachers used to have them make some sort of a Mother's Day project, so that was nice. Now that they're older, they don't really know it's Mother's Day (or my when it's my birthday) so nothing gets done. Once they're even older and out of the house, I'll start taking care of myself again. It does make me sad and I wish it were different. It's true its emblematic of larger problems in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

My hsuband has ADHD and struggles with executive functioning, but he can certainly plan Mother’s Day. He has invited his mom to our house for lunch today along with his extended family. I will help clean up the house some, but he is picking up take out. Tonight, he made dinner reservations for the two of us (although I had already scheduled a sitter). Then, he asked me if I wanted to see a touring broadway show. I said yes and that we should take our kid so he bought three tickets for a matinee tomorrow. We agreed we would skip church for this. So, I am sort of involved. But he isn’t just “doing nothing.”

I like doing something that acknowledges the holiday, but I also don’t expect to do nothing all weekend. Like, I’m going to cook this weekend for upcoming weekday meals. That is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH would never plan anything for Mother's Day, nor would he lift a finger to help with household stuff (like doing the dishes, for example). I would love to plan my own day... in other words, just announce I'm taking the afternoon off, but he couldn't handle that either since he'd have to then take care of the kids. He's the same on my birthday. When my kids were younger, their teachers used to have them make some sort of a Mother's Day project, so that was nice. Now that they're older, they don't really know it's Mother's Day (or my when it's my birthday) so nothing gets done. Once they're even older and out of the house, I'll start taking care of myself again. It does make me sad and I wish it were different. It's true its emblematic of larger problems in my marriage.

I demand that you go tell your kids that it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow right now. Tell them that you want a homemade card and breakfast in bed.

[Anonymous]

I started making brunch reservations a few years ago when my husband would leave it to the last minute and we'd have to eat somewhere mediocre, lol.

OP, I hear you on it being emblematic. If you were feeling content and seen in your marriage, then him not being good at Mother's Day probably wouldn't seem important. My husband talks about what a good mother I am and how lucky our kids are pretty regularly, so I'm OK with the fact that he isn't good at planning things like this. I've learned to stop wishing and start asserting myself when it comes to what I really want. (I.e. for birthdays I had to be like, please stop panicking the night before my birthday and running to the jewelry store and buying me something expensive that isn't what I'd spend that money on, and just let me figure out how to spend that amount of money myself... win/win).

[Anonymous]

Of course not! DH and the kids plan everything.

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing as fck. Lots of letdown wives trying to rationalize away their lazy husbands' selfishness.