Do you plan your own Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

My husband usually has to work during the day on Mother’s Day, which works out well. My kids are 10 & 12, and they usually make a present, put on a little play or something, and make a cake (with my help when they were younger).

It’s kind of a nice day for me. I will take them to mass, then have a zoom call with my own mom and sister, then the kids will work on their gifts while I read or something. I did ask DH to be in charge of dinner. I told him that I don’t care if he wants to go out, grill steaks, or pick up a frozen pizza, but I don’t want to be asked about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Isn't that what everyone does?
I don't know anyone, OP, who has their Mother's Day planned out for them. Wouldn't you want to do exactly what YOU want?

DP. I would like someone who loves me to spend a few minutes thinking about what I might want and then plan it.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, Mother's Day was a big family gathering honoring my grandmother – the family matriarch. There were only a few years between her dying and my own mom (her daughter) dying, so there was never much of a transition. And now it's just me and I just don't care. So I guess I do plan to do nothing.

[Anonymous]

After church we may hit the farmers market, get the laundry done, get some exercise. All the normal Sunday stuff since it all still needs to get done before Monday rolls around again. Will FaceTime my own mom for a few minutes, but really she wants to see her grandkids and not me so I’ll spend two minutes on that.

DH and DD usually get me a card and small gift.

[Anonymous]

My young DS will make me a card and a craft at school (which is lovely); other than that, I have to plan and execute anything I want to happen on that day. My DH is a good husband in many ways, but he is not a planner. I like to go out for a fancy brunch at a place that books up well in advance for MD, so I made the reservation myself because DH would wait until the last minute and then act surprised when everything is booked.

I don't care about gifts but I would love it if my DH would put some actual thought into the day and plan something nice for our family. Last year I told him in advance I wanted him to be in charge of all meals for the day (up to him whether he cooked and cleaned or got takeout) and he did nothing except ask me on the day of "so what do you want to do about food?" Very annoying, so this year I've taken matters into my own hands and we'll go out for a nice brunch and have takeout for dinner that I've already pre-ordered.

[Anonymous]

I usually ask for the afternoon to wonder around target. alone.

I love my husband, but he is absolutely awful at presents and planning anythingggggggggg (I'm talking mothers day, christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, summer camps ... planning basically anything haha). It's all about managing your expectations at this point.

[Anonymous]

My DH does always plan something and gets a gift, but I actually would prefer to just not have any responsibilities for a day (no cooking, sleep in, etc.)

[Anonymous]

well, if I wanted something particular to happen I would need to plan it, but Idont make a big deal out of mothers day. Sometimes I'll say that I want sushi or take ot or whatever. I'm currently on a business trip ad dh texted me that he invited one of his friends to stay for the weekend, so I'm guessing he has no idea its mother day or does not care. I'm not going to stress over it, will get in some exercise and take the kids somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No don’t care.

Same. I'm happy with whatever craft they make at school for me. Or nothing. They are sweet kids and I don't find anything additional necessary. And I hate going out to Mothers Day brunch, so big no for that

[Anonymous]

You sound like a 10 year old. Grow up, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I was hoping that DH might have some proposal of something to do on Mother's Day. He's not great at planning or executing, so this is not a surprise. But sometimes he'll pull one out, so you never know what you're going to get. But I felt a little bummed out last year that there was no urge to do anything. Finally he invited me to take my daughter (6) and have "a mother's day" out with her while he stayed at home (lazy bum, and also made me sad). When I proposed an idea for something to do, well, he thought that sounded interesting to him and decided he wanted to come along after all. Later it occurred to him that he hadn't played this day that well and he apologized for being lame. For Father's Day, I make sure we have a plan for breakfast or to go out for brunch and I already have a gift for him. I wouldn't do this to him, and I actually think he'd be pretty upset if the reverse happened to him. We've been having a tough time in our marriage, and stuff like this is very emblematic to me of what's wrong, even though I think it has more to do with him and his lack of motivation rather than how he actually feels about me. I'm kind of assuming I should just forget my ideal of a day planned for me/togetherness and make my own plan or treat it like any other weekend.

Sounds like you should spend part of Mother’s Day wondering why you spend time assuming things about DH instead of communicating with DH. How is he supposed to know what you want and how you feel if you never say anything to him???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No don’t care.

Same. I'm happy with whatever craft they make at school for me. Or nothing. They are sweet kids and I don't find anything additional necessary. And I hate going out to Mothers Day brunch, so big no for that

+1. Why so much pressure on these days to make them special? It's unnecessary and you'll always end up unhappy if your expectations are ridiculously high. We normally have sports events that kill Mother's Day but sometimes we'll try to go out to eat if time allows. Otherwise, we'll do something fun and simple at home. Homemade cards are sufficient. Those are usually the best gifts anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH does always plan something and gets a gift, but I actually would prefer to just not have any responsibilities for a day (no cooking, sleep in, etc.)

So why not just say that to him? “I don’t want a gift. I want a day where I don’t do anything. Please make it happen.”

[Anonymous]

I find it easier to know everyone's strengths. My husband is wonderful, but he's bad at gifts and planning. So I have made my peace with the fact that if I'm going to want certain things, I need to be really clear about that. When I see things that I would like as a gift for milestone anniversaries, big birthdays, mother's day, etc...I send him an email, and he adds it to his list. With specific details like sizes and colors. I say "hey, that would be a fun restaurant to have dinner at on my birthday!" and he gets the hint. He knows my favorite flowers are peonies, and so for our anniversary, I get peonies.

We have been married a long time, and I definitely fell into the trap of resentment and having really high expectations and feeling let down. Life is too short!

[Anonymous]

Yes - don't make your partner read your mind. If they are a good planner, say what you want well in advance. If they are not a good planner, plan it yourself and tell them what you are planning. Only exception - if you have a partner who excels at great ideas/great planning and likes to surprise.