Dealing with crippling depression since separation and rejection from old flame.
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Anonymous
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My STBXH separated six months ago. We share custody 50/50 of our son.
About 3 months ago I reconnected with an old flame that I had significant feelings for but he was never really more than a FWB. I saw him two months ago for a "sleepover" and he’s been hot/cold ever since. Honestly the flame for him never really went out. Long story short, I’m dealing with just such crippling sadness since dealing with the rejection of two men. I lost 20lbs after my separation and felt better physically than I have in a long time. Now everything is just kind of surfacing - losing my marriage and also realizing I don’t mean anything to someone I hoped would even give me the time of day. He just left me on read when I reached out to him. I deleted his number and have decided to just forget about him. But it doesn’t get rid of the feelings I wish would go away. I don’t know where to go from here? Therapy? Meds? Thank god my ex has our kid today because I just feel like an idiot. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry, OP, that's hard. It sounds like you would benefit from focusing on building your self worth. Therapy definitely, but also looking for distractions that make you feel good about who you are as a person. There's a lot of evidence that helping others can have good psychological benefits, maybe you can find some meaningful volunteer work to occupy your time when you don't have your child? Find a new or forgotten hobby, spend time with friends or family who build you up. Take a break from dating for a while.
Rejection is never fun but if it is causing so much distress it's a bit of a nudge that you should be looking inward and taking care of yourself first. |
Anonymous
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I went through a similar experience. It is very very hard right now but here's what you need to do:
Focus on your son and think about how important YOU are to HIM. This is a tough time for him, too, and you each need one another. His heart is the one to watch out for and tend to. Not some male bimbo who took advantage of you in your weakness. The bimbo is nothing more than a momentary blip. Now you know that he is insignificant in your life, make a mental picture of picking him up, dropping him behind you, and moving forward without that emotional dead weight. It's hard to think of right now but picture your future and what wonderful things WILL happen once you have cleared these hurdles and are on solid emotional ground once again. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
| Therapy. Stat. |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry. It's hard. Have a good cry. People just plain suck sometimes. Tomorrow is a new day and when the sun comes out fake pulling yourself together, get dolled up and take yourself out on your dreamdate. Go alone and ignore the world and just be good to yourself. |
Anonymous
| Sorry, op. A divorce was going to be hard regardless (even without the old Fwb thing.) however, for your own good you need to follow through on erasing his number and go further. Block his number and more importantly accept in your heart he’s just not/never was that into you. That’s ok! Much easier to rip the Bandaid off. When you eventually start dating again you need to be aware of your potential to not read signals that a guy isn’t in to you and nip it in the bud. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Therapy. And a good vibrator. It’s not the same, but it’s no strings. Try not to fill the hurt with dating. |
Anonymous
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Op, sending support and kudos to you for deleting old flame's number.
Be strong - it will take time, but you'll be happy and in love again. Believe it! |
Anonymous
| Within three months of separating you were already hooking up with someone else. That’s your problem. Learn who you are on your own. Take a break from bring in a partnership. Focus on helping others -volunteer on a day when you don’t have your child |
Anonymous
| A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. |
Anonymous
NP. See the bold again, OP. This is a time to put all dating on ice, no matter how tempting it may be to date. Don't And please, please do not respond if the old flame contacts you in any form again. You already know he's bad news, and you already know he was a rebound thing and is not truly interested in a relationship, but it would be so easy to just respond and then end up in bed with him again. Please get therapy. Start tomorrow on finding a therapist. It is easy for us to say and harder for you to do, but start with the list of therapists approved by your insurance and go from there. If you must, go for virtual sessions if a therapist can't see you in person for a while to come. Whatever it takes. You are not only depressed, you are very vulnerable emotionally and I'd add, physically, seeking comfort. Therapist. Meanwhile, distract yourself with whatever works for you -- seeing friends, even getting away for a weekend with one close friend who knows when to leave you alone and when to distract you with sightseeing or movies or whatever. |
Anonymous
| Realize that the actions of the second guy probably have nothing to do with you. It’s all him. Concentrate on self-care. Set tiny goals you can meet to build self-esteem. There’s an endless supply of dumb men out there when you’re ready to date again. 🙃 |
Anonymous
NP here. I think you should take your sanctimonious comment about oh you’ve been messing around with somebody three months from separation and shove it. Everyone seems to think they know what’s best for other people who’ve gone through a divorce in terms of this when you really have no idea. Many many people who separate or divorced have really not been in an actual relationship for years and their marriage was dead for a very long time in a lot of instances. I did not date while separated and I was separated for two years and in retrospect it was absolutely stupid that I did not date. When I was separated I had not had sex in five years and by the time I was actually divorce I had not had sex in seven years I literally was a no relationship marriage so really bothers me when people come on here and assume oh you shouldn’t date right away after being separated or divorced when you have no idea what the marriage was actually like that these people are leaving. |
Anonymous
| The men are not the issue. |
Anonymous
Sorry you are going through this. I recommend taking medicine for anxiety or depression. I take Wellbutrin and it really helped me through my divorce. I was on it before we broke up and I think that’s what kept me relatively sane. If you still have his number I suggest blocking him so you don’t have to wonder if he is texting you or not. |