"You Make Me Feel Like I Can't Live in my Own House"

[Anonymous]

If my spouse nagged me as much OP seems to do, I’d consider murdering him in his sleep. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- the reason you're getting so much support is because deep down most womn are selfish slobs. And they get very scared later in life (like after 35) because they've lost their value as it was all wrapped up in their looks.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's wife is a lazy disrespectful mooch. I've seen it all the time in Alexandria. All these liberal SAHMs think the sun shines out of their @ss and that the world exists to cater to them.

+1

McLean, too. So gross, classless and lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse nagged me as much OP seems to do, I’d consider murdering him in his sleep. YMMV

Lol. I just spit out my coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse nagged me as much OP seems to do, I’d consider murdering him in his sleep. YMMV

If my spouse was that dumb and clueless, I’d hand him some ATV keys on the next cliff island vacations and tell him to go wild by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

OP, you seem extremely controlling , and I bet some of the behavior is sticking it to you for being controlling.

Let go
Lights
Doors
Brita
Trash- if they aren't relying on you to clean it up.

Change-
Dental floss
Towels

This. Also, that OP deliberately hoped to catch people in a gotcha moment tells me exactly the kind of person he is.

+1

Which is what I said above.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that OP thinks when she/he got married that means he/she became a parent to their spouse!
A couple of these are nasty and should be corrected, but lights, faucet, the door open for a bit?
About those issues maybe you ought to look at some habits that you do that are irritating your spouse, op?
You are not a parent to your spouse. If you don't like it, you can divorce.
But, like the other pp, I would also tell you to shut the eff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree some of this is irritating but I clicked on the link because I’ve often felt like your husband. My husband is very controlling about things like lights being on—will turn them off when I’ve left the room for a couple of minutes so I have to walk back into a dark room, or gets irritatedwhen I leave the door open for a minute while I’m finding my keys in my purse to lock the door, etc.

My advice would be to really question which of these things really interfere with your own ability to live in your house, and which you might actually be able to change, and then focus just on those but raise them in holistic way and not in a way that feels like you are constantly nitpicking.

This. Some of this you need to let go OP. You are causing your dh to feel like he can't live in his own house.

I grew up in a house like this and felt like I was being controlled nonstop- I am female and my dad was the controlling one. Even as an adult he would go around turning every light off until the time I ran into a wall in the dark face first while I was visiting. Whoops, maybe going behind people and turning off lol the freaking lights in the dark is not a good idea. And now I am fine with leaving every light on in my house as long as either of us want to.

We have led bulbs now people, loosen up.

Pick a couple things: like floss or trash being thrown down and not picked up and ask that those be picked up. Let go of everything else: use led bulbs and put water savers on all the facets he uses. Done.

100%

This can cross a line into insanely controlling behavior. My in laws are like this. We were visiting them and I was on a video conference for work and FIL walked into the room and turned off the light! I had been presenting and suddenly the lights shut off. It was completely bizarre. His need to control the lights trumped any kind of consideration for his house guest and my work call.

My MIL would walk behind me a few steps and snatch up a glass that wasn't empty that I was still drinking.

Obviously we don't visit them anymore.

We must have the same inlaws. Once we were riding in their car on a visit and my daughter felt unwell. We lowered the back seat window to get her some air and FIL immediately put it back up and said to keep the windows up! He’s also so anal about exterior doors being closed immediately that on numerous occasions he has almost closed a small grandchild’s fingers in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree some of this is irritating but I clicked on the link because I’ve often felt like your husband. My husband is very controlling about things like lights being on—will turn them off when I’ve left the room for a couple of minutes so I have to walk back into a dark room, or gets irritatedwhen I leave the door open for a minute while I’m finding my keys in my purse to lock the door, etc.

My advice would be to really question which of these things really interfere with your own ability to live in your house, and which you might actually be able to change, and then focus just on those but raise them in holistic way and not in a way that feels like you are constantly nitpicking.

This. Some of this you need to let go OP. You are causing your dh to feel like he can't live in his own house.

I grew up in a house like this and felt like I was being controlled nonstop- I am female and my dad was the controlling one. Even as an adult he would go around turning every light off until the time I ran into a wall in the dark face first while I was visiting. Whoops, maybe going behind people and turning off lol the freaking lights in the dark is not a good idea. And now I am fine with leaving every light on in my house as long as either of us want to.

We have led bulbs now people, loosen up.

Pick a couple things: like floss or trash being thrown down and not picked up and ask that those be picked up. Let go of everything else: use led bulbs and put water savers on all the facets he uses. Done.

100%

This can cross a line into insanely controlling behavior. My in laws are like this. We were visiting them and I was on a video conference for work and FIL walked into the room and turned off the light! I had been presenting and suddenly the lights shut off. It was completely bizarre. His need to control the lights trumped any kind of consideration for his house guest and my work call.

My MIL would walk behind me a few steps and snatch up a glass that wasn't empty that I was still drinking.

Obviously we don't visit them anymore.

We must have the same inlaws. Once we were riding in their car on a visit and my daughter felt unwell. We lowered the back seat window to get her some air and FIL immediately put it back up and said to keep the windows up! He’s also so anal about exterior doors being closed immediately that on numerous occasions he has almost closed a small grandchild’s fingers in the door.

That level of ridigity and misunderstanding of a situation is a mental disorder.

[Anonymous]

I don’t even understand what OP is talking about with the doors. Are these outside doors or interior doors? Why is this just a problem in the summer?

The dental floss thing is gross - though I will say that one of my relatives had a tendency to leave used dental floss around the house and still had a happy, long term marriage despite this awful habit. (They do take out the trash and refill the tp though, so maybe it was just one strike)

[Anonymous]

My dh is like your wife. I got my own bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Of course the doors are exterior doors. Do none of you have kids? You've never told them to close the door to keep the heat in or out depending on the season

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with OP. My spouse is messy. Dirty laundry on the ground, food bits on the counters, clutter all over. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it really adds up when it's every single day for years and years. Especially when you're cleaning up after yourself, doing your chores, trying to raise children in a clean environment, but then you have to clean up after the spouse as well. You try gentle reminders, you try letting it go, you use humor, but over time you give up on that and you just nag out of frustration. Like why can't the spouse just clean up after themselves like you would expect from a respectful adult roommate? The alternatives are either to live and raise kids in a dirtier/cluttered environment, splurge on maids so the spouse never has to take responsibility, or do it all yourself. It's an awful choice for daily quality of life. So yeah, I can see where OP is coming from. All you "let it go" people are probably rolling around in trash at this very moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with OP. My spouse is messy. Dirty laundry on the ground, food bits on the counters, clutter all over. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it really adds up when it's every single day for years and years. Especially when you're cleaning up after yourself, doing your chores, trying to raise children in a clean environment, but then you have to clean up after the spouse as well. You try gentle reminders, you try letting it go, you use humor, but over time you give up on that and you just nag out of frustration. Like why can't the spouse just clean up after themselves like you would expect from a respectful adult roommate? The alternatives are either to live and raise kids in a dirtier/cluttered environment, splurge on maids so the spouse never has to take responsibility, or do it all yourself. It's an awful choice for daily quality of life. So yeah, I can see where OP is coming from. All you "let it go" people are probably rolling around in trash at this very moment.

Most of OP’s complaints are petty. Food crumbs lead to pests. A light left on is something to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with OP. My spouse is messy. Dirty laundry on the ground, food bits on the counters, clutter all over. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it really adds up when it's every single day for years and years. Especially when you're cleaning up after yourself, doing your chores, trying to raise children in a clean environment, but then you have to clean up after the spouse as well. You try gentle reminders, you try letting it go, you use humor, but over time you give up on that and you just nag out of frustration. Like why can't the spouse just clean up after themselves like you would expect from a respectful adult roommate? The alternatives are either to live and raise kids in a dirtier/cluttered environment, splurge on maids so the spouse never has to take responsibility, or do it all yourself. It's an awful choice for daily quality of life. So yeah, I can see where OP is coming from. All you "let it go" people are probably rolling around in trash at this very moment.

Most of OP’s complaints are petty. Food crumbs lead to pests. A light left on is something to let go.

I am taking OP's complaints as a partial list of a bigger situation. I bet there are more examples. My spouse does the TP thing too: uses up the TP and doesn't replace the roll. No big deal, right? Now multiply that by once every couple weeks for 5-10 years. You start to lose your patience with this sort of thoughtlessness, because it is literally your spouse handing you their work for you to do.