it should be ok to question sudden revelations about gender dysphoria

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to ask this here because I'm not sure who to ask in real life.

My 8th grade son has a couple of female friends who have identified as "bi." I totally understand it's possible that this is legit. But is it also possible that they are labeling themselves as bi to avoid attention from boys? 8th grade boys are ... not great. Is it possible they are crushing on pretty girls who are a hell of a lot more mature than the boys in their grade? And someday, will they unlabel themselves? I am honestly not judging, just curious. It seems like many junior high/early high school girls come out as bi, but hardly any boys.

This is completely off-topic for this particular thread, but as a mom of an eight grade girl whose crowd is very much into labeling their anything-but-hetero preferences, I think this is indeed one factor. Of many.

Yes! It starts when they go through puberty and feel uncomfortable in their new bodies and they now have this label/movement to be part of. I am glad many girls are rejecting the stupid consumer girl stuff that I had to deal with as a girl, but I am not convinced that this trans/gender non-binary thing is the best alternative. Why not just say- I’m a Girl and you can stuff all that stupid pink stuff. I worry about the state of feminism and lesbians in particular. I am probably all wrong about this (I’m an old straight lady, but queer ally) but I feel like I can’t say these things anywhere but an anonymous forum. I sincerely would like to understand this. I’ll take my answer off the air. (Outing myself further as OLD with that lame joke).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the past, I feel like non-girly girls who were attracted to girls became butch lesbians. Now it seems that nobody is stopping there, but going straight to (haha) trans. That’s what’s cool now.. I am sad for lesbians, weirdly.

I’m a femme lesbian and I’m sad af about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past, I feel like non-girly girls who were attracted to girls became butch lesbians. Now it seems that nobody is stopping there, but going straight to (haha) trans. That’s what’s cool now.. I am sad for lesbians, weirdly.

I’m a femme lesbian and I’m sad af about it.

Yes? For real?

I am sad for lesbians and I’m not one, but I thought it wasn’t okay to say it. I feel irritated too in a sort of feminist way. Like- lesbians loving lesbians, girls loving girls, got pushed aside by all these awesome non-girly teens deciding they want to be BOYs. Like, wtf. Can’t we just say- girls can be any way they want? Which is sometimes straight, sometimes femme, sometimes butch, and very occasionally trans? No one stops at butch anymore. It’s like it’s a less-good option. Def less trendy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I took a college course at a liberal university on psych of gender. What makes you trans is that you felt like you were born in the wrong body. You hate your body and it feels wrong. Not that you don’t like dresses or stereotypically feminine things. Lord most lesbians would be trans if it were simply gender. Trans mean you are the wrong SEX. Gender can be whatever. I mean, I’m into cars and sports and I never wear heels but it didn’t occur to me to become a male. I’m just a woman who didn’t subscribe to these superficial things. I also don’t think my son was born the wrong sex because he loves pink and is incredibly sensitive and loves horses. I think this witch hunt is ridiculous and I hope JK Rowling gets her apology.

This exactly. There are trans people but they are rare. They know from when they are small. They need support and love. But the free-for-all BS that is going on right now and the complete inability for anyone to question anything without being labeled a transphobe is out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to ask this here because I'm not sure who to ask in real life.

My 8th grade son has a couple of female friends who have identified as "bi." I totally understand it's possible that this is legit. But is it also possible that they are labeling themselves as bi to avoid attention from boys? 8th grade boys are ... not great. Is it possible they are crushing on pretty girls who are a hell of a lot more mature than the boys in their grade? And someday, will they unlabel themselves? I am honestly not judging, just curious. It seems like many junior high/early high school girls come out as bi, but hardly any boys.

I'm sorry; I didn't get past "I totally understand it's possible that this is legit."

They are in the 8th grade. No, it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issues I find with your post is that you speak as if you are “sure” about things that you clearly don’t understand. It’s okay to just say I don’t understand.

Maybe the issue also is the book you posted is trash and has your brain in knots ... after being peer reviewed the author had to put a disclaimer on it.

You might get less backlash if you came from a place of learning instead of knowing. Also don’t talk about the book it makes you sound crazy.

Also, you are seeking a clear and definitive answer/solution. It doesn’t exist. Maybe a boy just likes to wear nail polish and now we think .., hmm what is his label and actually he’s just a boy who wears nail polish.

Your daughter is a girl biologically who does not follow female social norms and you want a label for that and a solution to fix it.

There is no problem, hence no solution.... if I was a she/they and my mom/society was trying to fix me I’d have anxiety and depression too.

There is not “explosion” of girls being trans, it’s just new to you.

Also men ogling women is disgusting ... she not liking it is not the problem.

Thank you for saying everything that needed to be said

NP, actually, I found the tone of the post to be condescending and rude.

OP was raising legitimate issues from her perspective. I don’t think her talking about the book made her sound crazy at all. That said, I haven’t read the book. I’d you have an issue with the book, you should talk about that instead of labeling OP as sounding crazy.

I heard a caring mom who is trying to figure out what her daughter’s self-labeling means, not someone who was trying to fix their daughter. If anything, you are the one who comes across sounding crazy.

I agree 100%. OP sound like a caring mom who has questions. The PP above and her/his supporters sound like the rigid jerks who won't let anyone ask any questions. Accept their way of thinking or else you are a horrible person! They are the wackos.

[Anonymous]

I send my kids to a very religious school. They won't let the students talk about this stuff. And I'm glad.

Fyi, Muslim schools do not have any trans, gay, lesbian students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a teen, I am seeing — what to call it? — a trend? A fad? A rash? of girls wanting to be known by male names and pronouns. I can’t say if they’re “transitioning” or not because I don’t really know the status of hormones or surgery or anything. But it’s happening quite suddenly. I am a “live and let live” type in general but I would be concerned if our generally welcoming community’s embrace of this will mean that girls make irreversible decisions based on momentary trends. I have seen absolutely no similar transitioning on the part of teen boys.

I remember being a less girly girl who was very uncomfortable with male attention. I solved it then by wearing short hair and non-revealing clothes. I’m concerned to see girls who think the only solution is a permanent gender change.

Girls are realizing how it sucks to be female. This is one way of gaining equality.

The only way it sucks is if you have kids. Don’t have kids and you are better off than any man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a teen, I am seeing — what to call it? — a trend? A fad? A rash? of girls wanting to be known by male names and pronouns. I can’t say if they’re “transitioning” or not because I don’t really know the status of hormones or surgery or anything. But it’s happening quite suddenly. I am a “live and let live” type in general but I would be concerned if our generally welcoming community’s embrace of this will mean that girls make irreversible decisions based on momentary trends. I have seen absolutely no similar transitioning on the part of teen boys.

I remember being a less girly girl who was very uncomfortable with male attention. I solved it then by wearing short hair and non-revealing clothes. I’m concerned to see girls who think the only solution is a permanent gender change.

Girls are realizing how it sucks to be female. This is one way of gaining equality.

The only way it sucks is if you have kids. Don’t have kids and you are better off than any man.

Um...have you experienced menopause? NO? You might want to wait on drawing that conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I send my kids to a very religious school. They won't let the students talk about this stuff. And I'm glad.

Fyi, Muslim schools do not have any trans, gay, lesbian students.

Any that aren’t afraid to come out, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past, I feel like non-girly girls who were attracted to girls became butch lesbians. Now it seems that nobody is stopping there, but going straight to (haha) trans. That’s what’s cool now.. I am sad for lesbians, weirdly.

I’m a femme lesbian and I’m sad af about it.

Yes? For real?

I am sad for lesbians and I’m not one, but I thought it wasn’t okay to say it. I feel irritated too in a sort of feminist way. Like- lesbians loving lesbians, girls loving girls, got pushed aside by all these awesome non-girly teens deciding they want to be BOYs. Like, wtf. Can’t we just say- girls can be any way they want? Which is sometimes straight, sometimes femme, sometimes butch, and very occasionally trans? No one stops at butch anymore. It’s like it’s a less-good option. Def less trendy.

For real. I mean, it’s academic for me, I’m married (to another femme lesbian whom I love dearly). But the butch lesbian energy is missing from so many gay spaces now and, while I support everyone’s right to be whoever they want to be, I’m allowed to be sad about it and miss them. And I do wonder if we could have made (or could make) a better place in the world for butch women, one that could allow more women to freely inhabit that space.

My comfort is that the wheel never stops turning, and what is now is what will be always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I send my kids to a very religious school. They won't let the students talk about this stuff. And I'm glad.

Fyi, Muslim schools do not have any trans, gay, lesbian students.

Do you really believe that? In Saudi they kill gay people and in other more famous/ moderate counties, families can commit their kids permanently to an insane asylum if they are gay. Would you tell people if you know that’s how your community feels? There are a ton of Muslim gay people - they just either stay in the closet, remain discreet all their lives or come out when they are adults (and often still don’t tell their families).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I send my kids to a very religious school. They won't let the students talk about this stuff. And I'm glad.

Fyi, Muslim schools do not have any trans, gay, lesbian students.

Your kids are at a Muslim school in the states? Or abroad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to ask this here because I'm not sure who to ask in real life.

My 8th grade son has a couple of female friends who have identified as "bi." I totally understand it's possible that this is legit. But is it also possible that they are labeling themselves as bi to avoid attention from boys? 8th grade boys are ... not great. Is it possible they are crushing on pretty girls who are a hell of a lot more mature than the boys in their grade? And someday, will they unlabel themselves? I am honestly not judging, just curious. It seems like many junior high/early high school girls come out as bi, but hardly any boys.

I'm sorry; I didn't get past "I totally understand it's possible that this is legit."

They are in the 8th grade. No, it's not.

Go away, bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past, I feel like non-girly girls who were attracted to girls became butch lesbians. Now it seems that nobody is stopping there, but going straight to (haha) trans. That’s what’s cool now.. I am sad for lesbians, weirdly.

I’m a femme lesbian and I’m sad af about it.

Yes? For real?

I am sad for lesbians and I’m not one, but I thought it wasn’t okay to say it. I feel irritated too in a sort of feminist way. Like- lesbians loving lesbians, girls loving girls, got pushed aside by all these awesome non-girly teens deciding they want to be BOYs. Like, wtf. Can’t we just say- girls can be any way they want? Which is sometimes straight, sometimes femme, sometimes butch, and very occasionally trans? No one stops at butch anymore. It’s like it’s a less-good option. Def less trendy.

For real. I mean, it’s academic for me, I’m married (to another femme lesbian whom I love dearly). But the butch lesbian energy is missing from so many gay spaces now and, while I support everyone’s right to be whoever they want to be, I’m allowed to be sad about it and miss them. And I do wonder if we could have made (or could make) a better place in the world for butch women, one that could allow more women to freely inhabit that space. [b]

My comfort is that the wheel never stops turning, and what is now is what will be always.

This is it exactly for me. I feel like we failed. Or the movement stopped or stalled or something. If we could have actually gotten farther with women’s rights, maybe we wouldn’t be losing the lesbians!

Academic for me too, but I am a long time feminist and this all feels weird for me and I can’t put my finger on it.

E