Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son has been on hormones for 6 months, and every day I pray he hasn't had any surgeries yet. Like most boys who decide they're trans, he has cut off family completely, even though we were accepting but asked questions. In our family, it happened very quickly, soon after our son graduated high school. He had never shown any interest in anything "girly," but he had major anxiety and self-esteem issues and was pretty isolated, even before the pandemic. I've read that Tumblr and Discord used to be the spaces where kids entered this world, but I think now it's more Youtube, Tiktok, Reddit, and some fan fiction sites. Anyone who says there is no such thing as ROGD or social contagion just hasn't been touched by it yet, or has an agenda. Someone way back in the thread mentioned being turned off because Republicans are the sources of much information about this phenomenon. Please don't let that deter you. I belong to several support groups of parents whose kids believe they are trans, and we are probably 90% Democrats. The best site to read thoughtful articles by people whose lives are being affected by this is the PITT Substack (Parents with inconvenient truths about trans). Like most parents I talk to, I am progressive, pro-LGB, and would support my child transitioning if I truly believed that this was a decision he would be happy with in the future, and if he was older. He is too young to be taking hormones that will wreak havoc on his body and will cause irreversible changes. These days, it is almost as easy for kids to get letters approving surgeries as it is to get hormones. I have heard from young people who've spoken in my support groups that surgeons pursue kids who they think are ripe for surgery, saying things like "The wait list is very long, so you should get on the list even if you don't think you want the surgery now." Sometimes therapists or older trans men will contact a surgeon and have them reach out to the kid. (By "kid" I'm talking about 18 or 19 years old). Since my child is male, the male-to-female trajectory is what I pay most attention to.
I posted above about my AMAB child. Far from being cut off, I feel like I’m just getting to know my child. She has opened up so much more since she came out. We talk more. Therapy has helped. If your child cut you off it’s likely because she felt you weren’t supportive of her. I get the worries, and not all people are the same. Im not going to say that some people might not transition for the wrong reasons…but I do think this is a minority. It’s not fun. It can be embarrassing and scary. But honestly—even hormones aren’t the end of the world. Pediatric doctors start them slowly. Changes are gradual and most are reversible, if your child does decide to detransition at some point…which most people do not because they decide they aren’t trans but because they feel that living as a trans person is too hard. The major likely effect that’s scary is sterility. We banked sperm. While it’s certainly not ideal if my kid someday does decide to have a family, I know numerous families who have done IVF. It’s not the end of the world and for us—it wasn’t worth losing our kid’s trust over. My child isn’t yet 18, but I have no fear that she would get surgery without consulting us if she were because we actually do have open communication, have had some hard discussions…but ultimately she knows we believe she knows herself. She’s a great kid. Excellent grades. Kind. I refuse to let her life be dictated by this, and I believe she will thrive because she has people surrounding her who love her as she is and let her know it.
I'm going to point out a few things here. First, you call your trans daughter your son and use the wrong pronouns. You also use the term LGB without the T. You believe in ROGD which isn't a proven phenomenon and even if it was, it only applies for AFAB individuals and not AMAB because it's in reference to the supposed 'trend' among AFAB people transitioning to nonbinary identities.
If your daughter she cut you off, it's most likely because you were doing more than "just asking questions". You couldn't even respect her identity on an online forum where no one knows you, I'm going to guess that you don't respect her in person either. The fact that she started to transition almost as soon as she turned 18 really does just scream that she's had dysphoria her whole life and couldn't wait to be an adult and get on estrogen. You don't know what she's felt inside or what it's like to be her. You don't have to live her life. You might be unhappy that you have a daughter instead of a son but it's her life. Most trans people do not in fact want to cut off their family. It's a consequence of the toxic behavior from said family. If you go into conversations misgendering her, aggressively telling her things that are obvious like "you'll always have a Y chromosome" or calling her your son, of course she's not going to want to talk to you.
Your child is not dead. Her transition and gender identity are not about you. It's far too common for cis people to catastrophize and personalize their child's transition as though this is being done TO THEM (the cis person). Your life is the same. You still have a living breathing child. That should be the most important thing, not the fact that they're queer.
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