How often and bad is this obsession at clubs and teams?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think we are interpreting a number of comments very differently.

Agreed. It's like people are talking past each other. I see three groups of people here:

Group 1 sees a coach exploiting a superstar to win now in a way which acts to the detriment of the other players' development, of the team in anything other than the very short term, and quite possibly of the superstar himself.

Group 2 feels that their kid is being unfairly overlooked and not given the recognition he deserves when in fact their kid isn't very good and doesn't deserve the recognition or the opportunity. I'm not sure anyone actually falls into this group - but I have to define it so I can define group 3.

Group 3 sees the opinion of someone in group 1 and believes that they are in group 2 - and tells them they're just jealous.

I do not expect equal playing time. Positive feedback is not even on my radar in terms of this conversation. My issue is when kids are being taught to always get the ball to Jimmy, they are not being encouraged to carry it when they can, to find open teammates with clear paths to the net. Instead, they are being encouraged to set up one favored teammate for achievement, at the detriment of the other teammates who are getting open, getting in perfect position, but will not get the ball touches, chances to take on a defender, or take a shot, simply because they are not "Jimmy."

So you are in group 1. I entirely agree with you. My view would be that
- the best players should get more playing time, and play in the position(s) where they have the most impact
- the best players should see more of the ball - but only because that happens naturally because they are the best player and therefore pop up in the right place / make the right runs at the right time / etc.
- all players, assuming they are giving a good effort in practise and on game day, should get a reasonable amount of playing time
- the team should be taught to play soccer as a team and make the best soccer decision: take the man on / pass to the player in the best position / switch the field / etc.

This may make sense at the professional level

No - it doesn't make sense at the professional level. You will never see a professional team playing this way. Sure the very best players have the greatest impact - but you will never see a professional team not pass to the player in the best position whoever that player is. They pass to the best player when and because he's in the best position - and he is often in the best position because he's the best player and getting in the right position is part of being a good player. And he does better when he gets the ball in a good position - again because he's the best player.

but where you are paying for coaches to develop your kids, having them there simply to be the supporting cast to a kid deemed more important, who is not paying any more than you are, is every reason to leave the team.

This is also true. But I would suggest that a coach who funnels the ball to one player in the way suggested on this thread is such a bad coach that that would be a reason to leave the team in any case - even if your kid is the superstar.

Even more so if your kid is Jimmy's back up, and does not even get to play unless Jimmy wants a water break.

Agreed - coaches should not make offers to kids who won't get playing time. And once they have made an offer then the kid should get a reasonable amount of playing time assuming the kid is giving his best effort in practise and games.

Little Jimmy's parents often think everyone is just jealous of Jimmy.

With a good coach, parents (apart from the odd idiot) are not jealous of the best players. They welcome the impact that the best players have on the team's play and results.

PP here - I should add that there are LOTS of good coaches who do not behave the way decsribed on this thread - this should be rare. And in my experience it is rare, but perhaps I've just been lucky.

[Anonymous]

Is your experience of rare “obsessed” coaches on the boys or girls side and what level of competition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your experience of rare “obsessed” coaches on the boys or girls side and what level of competition?

I suspect the answer would just tell you about the level at which my kids played rather than anything about where this might be prevalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your experience of rare “obsessed” coaches on the boys or girls side and what level of competition?

I suspect the answer would just tell you about the level at which my kids played rather than anything about where this might be prevalent.

That is fine. What level?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I just really lucked out with my DDs clubs, but they've never had a team where someone rides the bench like that. I don't understand why a kid would want to come to a game and not play, or why a parent would wake up at the ass crack of dawn and drive for two hours to watch their kid not play and then drive another two hours to hear their kid complain about not paying, all while paying money for the privilege

It's not only clubs. We had a MS & HS soccer coach that had bench warmers every year. She was basketball and soccer. She would pick two girls a season and let them just sit, and she would tell all the other teammates they could sit in her office at lunch, but the two girls. This went on for years and years.

Big difference with travel soccer because you are paying to see your child not playing.

take the hint your kid isn't good enough... if they were you wouldn't be here complaining

I think most (kid included) would prefer to play. It’s not worth sticking on any team to ride the bench.

I’d drop a team or move to a different Club.

Btw, coaches don’t all value the same attributes. Sometimes things are really just not a good fit.

Once you get in the mindset it’s not personal, it’s easier to leave amicably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your experience of rare “obsessed” coaches on the boys or girls side and what level of competition?

I suspect the answer would just tell you about the level at which my kids played rather than anything about where this might be prevalent.

That is fine. What level?

Worst example was rec team on girls side in the final pre-travel year (U7? U8? I can;t remeber any longer). Milder examples (clear favorites and/or targets but not to the level of "everyone must pass to Jimmy all the time") occurred at DA level on the boys side.

[Anonymous]

My son's coach does seem to like him and plays him for most of every game. However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are Hispanic, like the coach. My son is mixed-race, non-Hispanic, and never gets invited. I don't want to feel like that is why, but I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don't want to feel like that is why

Then don't feel like that. It really is your choice whether or not to be a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach does seem to like him and plays him for most of every game. However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are Hispanic, like the coach. My son is mixed-race, non-Hispanic, and never gets invited. I don't want to feel like that is why, but I do.

Fixed it for you...

However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are better players than my son, like the coach.



*if the coach likes your son (per you) , maybe it's not personal. Maybe your doin just isn't good enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach does seem to like him and plays him for most of every game. However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are Hispanic, like the coach. My son is mixed-race, non-Hispanic, and never gets invited. I don't want to feel like that is why, but I do.

Fixed it for you...

However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are better players than my son, like the coach.



*if the coach likes your son (per you) , maybe it's not personal. Maybe your doin just isn't good enough?

doin--> son

[Anonymous]

My son's coach does seem to like him and plays him for most of every game. However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are Hispanic, like the coach. My son is mixed-race, non-Hispanic, and never gets invited. I don't want to feel like that is why, but I do.


Fixed it for you...

However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are better players than my son, like the coach.



*if the coach likes your son (per you) , maybe it's not personal. Maybe your doin just isn't good enough?

Maybe, that's a possibility, but certainly not the only one. But, if he can spell and grammar check his writing, I think he'll do fine in life regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach does seem to like him and plays him for most of every game. However, I notice that the kids that the coach invites for special opportunities, like guest playing for his older team, are Hispanic, like the coach. My son is mixed-race, non-Hispanic, and never gets invited. I don't want to feel like that is why, but I do.

DP. My kid is a starter and plays the entire game. I only re entry found out that many teammates were getting invited to guest play with the older age group and had been for awhile, literally more than half the team.

They have told us our kid is a “key player” for the team.

The only reason I can come up with for not getting asked is they know I’d say “no” to drive 90 min-2 hours one way to support another team.

Who knows about these things. Some of the kids being asked play less so maybe they are making up for lack of play time.

I stopped caring and just enjoy the time and Fall weather without an additional soccer obligation.

None of these kids are going to do much of anything with soccer after high school anyways.

[Anonymous]

All of these issues would be easily solved if coaches would do their jobs and communicate with their players. You don't teach a kid anything by ignoring him or her or giving a player no playing time. If a kid isn't up to speed, tell the player what to work on. If a kid is slacking off in practice, tell the kid that he's sitting because he is not working hard enough. Over the years, the best coaches establish expectations to give each player purpose, even those riding the bench. If a kid isn't aggressive or is too slow, put in in for 10 minutes and tell him that all you want to see for him to go all out. If a player isn't good enough to be on the team, here's a thought - don't put him on the team. Have that difficult discussion and tell him that he would be better served playing somewhere else.

Over the years, I've had years when one of my kids was one of the best on the team and others when they are one of the worst. Based on my family's experience, good coaches are harder to find than bad ones. It is also difficult to find a good coach and a team that is the right level for your kid. I'm not sure why it is so difficult, but it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these issues would be easily solved if coaches would do their jobs and communicate with their players. You don't teach a kid anything by ignoring him or her or giving a player no playing time. If a kid isn't up to speed, tell the player what to work on. If a kid is slacking off in practice, tell the kid that he's sitting because he is not working hard enough. Over the years, the best coaches establish expectations to give each player purpose, even those riding the bench. If a kid isn't aggressive or is too slow, put in in for 10 minutes and tell him that all you want to see for him to go all out. If a player isn't good enough to be on the team, here's a thought - don't put him on the team. Have that difficult discussion and tell him that he would be better served playing somewhere else.

Over the years, I've had years when one of my kids was one of the best on the team and others when they are one of the worst. Based on my family's experience, good coaches are harder to find than bad ones. It is also difficult to find a good coach and a team that is the right level for your kid. I'm not sure why it is so difficult, but it is.

Agree!!! When coaches don’t communicate their plans or what your DC need to do to improve or why they are on the bench parents perception is that the coach/club is committing fraud. Stealing your investment and time. And worst the coach response when you complain is leave if you don’t like it. Such a fraudulent business.

[Anonymous]

“ When coaches don’t communicate their plans or what your DC need to do to improve or why they are on the bench parents perception is that the coach/club is committing fraud. Stealing your investment and time”

Not just the bench parents feel this way.