Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:59, please do not listen to 4:55. We adopted a five year old from Ethiopia. I don't know about the laundry list of problems to which 4:55 reference. We are looking to adopt another child between 3-6 as I want to maintain the birth order. We do not regret our adoption one bit. It has been a joy. Will there be trials and tribulations, yes. But, maybe my adopted son will not give to me in spades what I gave my birth parents as I stumbled and tumbled during my toddler, pre-teen and teenage years.

Good lord, half the families in America are Dysfunctional with a capital D. Birth children with laundry lists of problems. If you are serious about adopting an older child go with a reputable agency that will provide you with all and known medical records. Good luck.

I'm 4:55 and you must have misunderstood my post. I specifically said that my daughter, sister, and I all as adoptees do NOT have a laundry list of problems and I was asking the previous poster to refrain from generalizing that all adoptees do.

[Anonymous]

You are correct. No one should pay attention to 20:59, especially 18:35 who is seeking to adopt an older child. It does not pay to type when you are annoyed. My apologies 4:55

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:59, I was internationally adopted as an infant, as was my daughter, and I can assure you that neither of us has a "shorter list of problems." Nor does my sister, who was also adopted as an infant. Please don't generalize and say that all adoptees have some sort of issue because not all do.

I think it depends on where you were adopted from and when. Every single one of the kids I've seen come out of the former Soviet Union have had problems, some of them very severe. The vast majority of kids I've seen from Africa, China and Central America have not.

You obviously do not know the lovely 13 year old daughter that a friend of mine adopted from the former Soviet Union about 2 years ago. She is an absolute joy to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an adult adoptee and no, I don't regret being adopted at all. Obviously each adoption comes with a loss, but I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the world. I know a good deal about my history and I can say honestly that I am better off having been adopted. Without turning this into an abortion debate, I know that my birth parents considered abortion and I'm grateful they didn't do it in the end.

I'm also an adoptive parent, and again, while there was loss involved with my child's adoption, I can't imagine a more perfect child for our family. I love DC so, so, so much and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Adoption has been a blessing for me in so many ways.

SAME HERE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It doesn't have to be the lap of luxury and money does not trump love, but I am not one who thinks that only the bio family can properly love a child. I think that the vast majority of adoptive parents shower their kids w/ love just as bio parents do.

But that is not the whole story. A child can only be adopted if the parents agree. Sometimes courts make the mistake of making them adaptable when the family wants to care for them, but that is another story.
There is always a sense of abondonment and being rejected and abandoned. So even if the adoptive can love the kids as much as the bio, the bio is still better.
I wonder why the pp who adapted a baby says it is a wonderful thing. What is wonderful? The fact that he was born into a family that could not care for him? And now gets to be raised by an adoptee who is bitter about being adopted himself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It doesn't have to be the lap of luxury and money does not trump love, but I am not one who thinks that only the bio family can properly love a child. I think that the vast majority of adoptive parents shower their kids w/ love just as bio parents do.

But that is not the whole story. A child can only be adopted if the parents agree. Sometimes courts make the mistake of making them adaptable when the family wants to care for them, but that is another story.
There is always a sense of abondonment and being rejected and abandoned. So even if the adoptive can love the kids as much as the bio, the bio is still better.
I wonder why the pp who adapted a baby says it is a wonderful thing. What is wonderful? The fact that he was born into a family that could not care for him? And now gets to be raised by an adoptee who is bitter about being adopted himself

What is your agenda, PP??

I think I'm the poster you are referencing who was adopted herself and has in turn adopted a child. I don't know why you insist that I'm bitter about being adopted...how many times can I tell you that I am NOT? I also don't have a sense of abandonment and rejection and never have. Please don't speak for me.

[Anonymous]

no. But if I had had that little Russian fire starter then probably so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Are you really this ignorant, or are you just pretending!!!

Hey meanie! I think PP was talking about him/herself. Congratulations you put bad Karma out there so go fix it. Now. Thanks,

[Anonymous]

My bmom regrets putting me up for adoption. She was told she was going to be giving me a better life and I think she romanticized it a bit (Beaver Cleaver, etc.). I ended up with a wonderful, loving mom and close-knit extended family, but my father left us when I was young and my mom raised me as a single parent. When bmom found out I was raised by a single parent - however awesome - she sort of lost it. I feel compassion for her, since she made this really hard decision based on what turned out to be a little bit of a fantasy. Bmom was a single parent too, so I think she feels like she could have given me the life I got and that she got ripped off.

[Anonymous]

My partner and I have 3 kids and we've never regretted adopting them. They're our kids plain and simple.

Adoption isn't surrounded by secrecy any longer. Openess and honesty are the norm. This doesn't eliminate the sense of loss that all adoptees must deal with, but is significantly reduces the stigma and sense of pity that once were directed towards adoptees.

I don't doubt that some birth parents experience a lingering sense of loss, but that doesn't mean they made the wrong choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is supposed to cure the adoptive parents of the trauma of infertility - impossible
The newborn misses its own mother - it is called the primal wound. The baby knows it is with a caretaker it does not know.
Adoptive parents are jealous of the bio parents, the kid is made to feel guilty, when it wants to search the parents are against it. This results in some cases even in blackmail. i.e. They did not want you, we raised you
Sometimes society is negative toward adoption. You stay as the adopted cousin

Are you really this ignorant, or are you just pretending!!!

I think what she said is true. I know someone who is adopted who is now 5o yrs old and her adoptive mother refuses to even discuss her adoption. Her adopted brother did not know he was adopted (4 yrs. younger than my friend) until he was grown because adoptive mother was so afraid they might want to locate biological mother. Adoptive mother was, and still is, jealous and she is 80 yrs. old!

Does this adoptive mother live in Saverna Park, MD?

[Anonymous]

I brought two foster girls into my home at the age of 4 and 5 years...they were a sibling group of 4...they are now 28 and 29 and the biggest disappointment of my life...an adoptive parent of older children puts in countless hours trying to help these children work through their abuse...to love, care, and share as much as you do and to realize when they are grown that they choose to be just like their bio parents by abusing their children in the same way is heartbreaking...no one can ever understand the pain unless you've walked the walk...the bio mom of my girls had a total of 11 children through out the years and they all have the same problems...some children can not be helped...those who can are blessed.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted and I really wish my adoptive parents hadn't adopted me. I would have been better off in an orphanage or foster homes. My adoptive dad was a horrible person. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by him. My adoptive mother knew what was going on and never did anything about it. As an adult I look back and think wow I really hated my childhood. I really wish things had gone differently. I have been through tons of therapy. I started therapy at 18 when I was able to obtain it on my own since of course my adoptive parents weren't going to provide it for me. Even with 12 years of therapy I have never gotten over what they did to me and probably never will. I am about to be married in July and my fiance and I have often thought that we would love to adopt a child but I am so worried that I won't be a good parent because I have so much baggage thanks to my adoptive parents. I love children and currently work as a nanny and love my child. Every day I think about how much I would love to have a child/children of my own and every day I think about how I don't wan to be the kind of parents my adoptive parents were. Most people think that it's strange that I had such a terrible experience but yet want to adopt a child. Maybe it is strange but it doesn't stop me from wanting to provide the loving and supportive home for a child that I never had. I am hoping to have a bio child as well but I have some female issues that may prevent that dream from coming true but either way I am fairly certain I will adopt regardless of whether I am able to have a bio child or not.

[Anonymous]

13:20 back again: When I said that I work as a nanny and love my child that's not what I meant. What I meant to say was that I work as a nanny and would love to have a child. I have been horribly sick all day today and my brain somehow isn't fully functioning.

[Anonymous]

I brought two foster girls into my home at the age of 4 and 5 years...they were a sibling group of 4...they are now 28 and 29 and the biggest disappointment of my life...an adoptive parent of older children puts in countless hours trying to help these children work through their abuse...to love, care, and share as much as you do and to realize when they are grown that they choose to be just like their bio parents by abusing their children in the same way is heartbreaking...no one can ever understand the pain unless you've walked the walk...the bio mom of my girls had a total of 11 children through out the years and they all have the same problems...some children can not be helped...those who can are blessed.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Get yourself some help and reach out to the children that you committed to. They are your family and you don't get to foist your failures on their bio parents. Make it up to them. Today.