In what nuanced ways did you NOT realize you had white privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really freaks me out as a POC when I see white people open packages and eat things or give things to their kids to eat or to play with in stores BEFORE they pay for them. Doing that could so easily get me arrested.

Thank you for pointing this out. I do that with all kinds of things and even fruit (then tell the cashier to charge us an extra banana). Will stop:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really freaks me out as a POC when I see white people open packages and eat things or give things to their kids to eat or to play with in stores BEFORE they pay for them. Doing that could so easily get me arrested[b].

Thank you for pointing this out. I do that with all kinds of things and even fruit (then tell the cashier to charge us an extra banana). Will stop:

What is the statistic for people getting arrested from stealing from grocery stores in say, DC? Or CVS? Just curious what the actual shoplifting arrest rate and how it impacts blacks vs whites from stores and pharmas in DC is.

[Anonymous]

I didn't realize I was exercising my privilege last weekend when I was tending to my son at the grocery store and didn't push my cart forward because I was distracted. The clerk that pointed my privilege out to me had to come around to the lane, pull my cart forward and then told me.

[Anonymous]

Early 90s. Me and my mom, LMC, white ethnic, went to check out an apartment for rent in one of those middle class NYC neighborhoods that are still hipster free. The person in charge told us that it is their policy to meet the whole family of prospective tenants. The next day my father and brother joined us, and we signed the lease.

Years later someone told me that this is how the neighborhood remained white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early 90s. Me and my mom, LMC, white ethnic, went to check out an apartment for rent in one of those middle class NYC neighborhoods that are still hipster free. The person in charge told us that it is their policy to meet the whole family of prospective tenants. The next day my father and brother joined us, and we signed the lease.

Years later someone told me that this is how the neighborhood remained white.

I was told that they have to check my credit for an apartment. I didn't have any. 2 days later they called me and told me that I do. Being white was the credit.

[Anonymous]

In 1994, I was driving home from my job at the mall around 9:30 pm when I got pulled over. I knew I hadn’t been speeding or doing anythig wrong, but I was really nervous because I had never been pulled over before. The cop comes up to the window as I’m rolling it down, leans down and peers at me, and says, “oh, sorry. I thought you were a black guy.” And walks away.

I didn’t understand why he pulled me over or how the cop took me for a black man when I was a 16 year old white girl. I felt really weird about the situation but couldn’t figure out why at first. It didn’t occur to me back then that the cop likely saw my car - a 1983 light blue Delta - and assumed a black man must be driving and pulled me over for that reason alone. I always thought a cop pulled you over only if you were doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine, who is black, posted a video saying she finally understood black lives matter, that she mattered, and was tearing up. I still can't think about it without tearing up myself. Even as a woman, I've never internalized that I don't matter entirely. That's privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep the receipt for Fetch and for my own budgeting. I always thought that grocery store can pull up my receipt based on my credit card and the customer number. Not keeping the receipt to prove my purchases.
I have been blond most of my life but went brunette for 3 weeks. They were miserable 3 weeks because nobody offered to carry my groceries like they always had. Just joking, but the difference in treatment was so big, I don't want to color my hair dark ever again.

Gosh, you must not be very pretty if hair color made that much of a difference in your treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've often thought about one of the issues that's come up here, and I'm not sure I can express this correctly, but, to me, it boils down to the point that white people are often treated badly by other white people, but they can assume that they're being treated badly because the person they're dealing with is an incompetent a**hole, while black people are often correct in assuming that they're being treated badly because of their race (even though sometimes they may be incorrect).

I've had a few experiences where this uncertainty was there, and I saw how hard it can be to know. One that comes to mind was when I was waiting for a table at a busy restaurant with some black friends. We seemed to have to wait an inordinately long time, and I started to get mad because I suspected the race of my friends was a cause. However, it could have just been that we were two families and needed a couple of tables pushed together and it took a while to make that happen. I remember that being made to wait was annoying, but the thought that the cause was racism was infuriating. I'll always think of it that way, but maybe it wasn't?

Another incident I think of was when we were in a Range Rover dealership looking at cars. For whatever reason, unlike most car dealerships, and even that dealership on other days, we (a white couple) were being completely ignored. A black man came in, and after waiting longer than you usually have to to have a car salesman latch onto you, he said something about not being greeted that made it clear that he thought it was because of his race. I said something like "Yeah, I don't think they want to sell cars; we've been here a while and no one has talked to us, either." We then had a friendly chat about the cars, and salesmen soon helped us both. He wasn't being irrational to assume that he was being ill-treated because of his race, but that day, it really was just that they were busy/oblivious/whatever.

The problem is -- there will always be people who are jerks. I honestly don't know how racism ever gets ameliorated to the extent that black people ever get to have the privilege of just assuming that the other guy is a jerk in a general way vs. a racist jerk. You can't prove a negative. How do we get out of this endless loop?

I think if you’re buying a Range Rover, it’s pretty safe to assume that you’re the one who’s a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me , my patients trust me more. It probably took me about 6 months into my career before a co-worker was complaining about it. It never occurred to me that those of another race would face difficulty, especially with the elderly population. Now it is something I notice and holy crap it is so prevalent.

I’m also in medicine. Patients often assume I’m the nurse and not the janitor like they do with my black colleagues. Wish I was exaggerating.

My OB was an African American woman. Also, I was hospitalized a week or so after my baby was born, and my main nurse was an African American woman. My mom visited me a lot throughout. Both were my fantastic. My Mom, in her 70s, said something about what good care I was getting and something about " I love these black ladies in medicine, I find myself hoping for one every time."

I don't really even know what to think about that one.

[Anonymous]

This isn't nuanced but when I've been treated badly, singled out in a negative way, wrongly accused or ignored - all of these things have happened repeatedly, and sometimes even traumatically to me by teachers, law enforcement and in business- I have never had to wonder if that mistreatment has been due to skin color.

[Anonymous]

We need some sort of privilege tax where money gets transferred from those who really suffer from the overabundance of privileged guilt to the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really freaks me out as a POC when I see white people open packages and eat things or give things to their kids to eat or to play with in stores BEFORE they pay for them. Doing that could so easily get me arrested.

Thank you for pointing this out. I do that with all kinds of things and even fruit (then tell the cashier to charge us an extra banana). Will stop:

The point isn’t that you should stop. We are not trying to take privileges away from people we are trying to extend privileges to everyone.