Article - The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake

[Anonymous]

^^
Yes! She can't wait. She is a teacher and will have 20+ years in the system for retirement. (She took 5+ years off when she had her 2 youngest. Her kids are something like 20, 18, 12, 10.) Her DH will still work.

Some women cannot wait to care for their grandkids. they -- like so many friends of mine and my parents -- may enjoy their careers, but it cannot compare to caring for grandkids (in their opinion)

[Anonymous]

To PP, it’s great that she wants to do this. But it’s simply not accurate to imply that many of us have cast off our extended family in favor of our nuclear family and personal freedom. A lot of us have crappy/dysfunctional (at worst) or just self-absorbed/disinterested families.

For the article to imply this was my choice is kind of offensive. Is it mine or my kids’ fault somehow that they don’t have grandparents jumping at the opportunity to provide them with care?

[Anonymous]

I mentioned the Ivy League part because I have a strong education and career, but my kids are more important so I'll gladly give it up in the future to help them out if they want me. I mentioned that I am Asian because Asian culture is known for being more family-centric and individualistic. I'm not sure what Latino culture is known for, except... quesadillas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I mentioned the Ivy League part because I have a strong education and career, but my kids are more important so I'll gladly give it up in the future to help them out if they want me. I mentioned that I am Asian because Asian culture is known for being more family-centric and individualistic. I'm not sure what Latino culture is known for, except... quesadillas?

Sounds like a lot of Ivy League folks lack education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not read the article. We moved coasts to be near DH’s family. It's hard. It was much easier as a nuclear family. MIL, who is the ”second wife” and occasionally babysits, has opinions about everything (e.g., is against vaccines), DH listened to her and tried to appease, there is always someone’s birthday, party, a celebration that requires our presence. We cannot make friends because all our free time is spent with the family. I left for a business trip, and MIL moved in to help but wanted to stay in our bedroom and sleep on my bed. There is no privacy; everyone is into everyone’s business. Vacations are spent with my family. We are treated as a couple of teenagers who don't know better.
I liked it better before.

Sounds horrible. Do you have an Asian Mil? They tend to have major boundary issues!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like this only works if older women are expected to take on more free labor and women have babies younger so their moms can care for them. No thank you. Yes life would be great with free childcare, cooking, and cleaning but I would never want my mom burdened with that in the joyous years of her retirement where for the first time ever she can prioritize her own needs and desired. And I’d also never want my still working mil to give up her fulfilling career to wipe bottoms. Why are the older women whose expense this model comes at ignored or just assumed to be so #grateful to still have to spend their time doing domestic labor

Agree but no one is talking about forcing grandmas. Also, if my mom likes to cook but hates yard work, the idea is a win win. Not Marthas from the Handmaids Tale.

Eh, I think that's the main assumption of the entire article. When Brooks talks about the help of extended relatives, he isn't referring to grandpa.

+1. It’s also mostly women who take care of the elderly parents and in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like this only works if older women are expected to take on more free labor and women have babies younger so their moms can care for them. No thank you. Yes life would be great with free childcare, cooking, and cleaning but I would never want my mom burdened with that in the joyous years of her retirement where for the first time ever she can prioritize her own needs and desired. And I’d also never want my still working mil to give up her fulfilling career to wipe bottoms. Why are the older women whose expense this model comes at ignored or just assumed to be so #grateful to still have to spend their time doing domestic labor

+ 1

Everyone who is bellyaching about this and itching to go back to the 50s or earlier needs to ask themselves: are YOU willing to provide full time childcare to your grand kids? Probably not.

I am an Ivy League graduate with a good career and I *absolutely* hope and expect to retire by 55 or 60 and provide childcare for my kids. I[b] am Asian,[/b] we believe in the pay it forward model. The early years are such a grind, especially for working parents. For me, having my parents around to supervise nannies, or provide dinner help or early morning help during a busy period at work, has been such a blessing. If we didn’t have that, DH and I would have struggled a lot to juggle everything ourselves, or else I would have quit and been unhappy about it.

So yeah, when my kids have kids, I will absolutely be there to help if they’ll let me. I have to do *something* during retirement and I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more than ease some of the burden for my kids while spending with sweet grandkids!

Err, what does that have to do with anything? Tiger mom much?

Every Latino family i know "pays it forward."

Some people get triggered by weird things. What's up with that anger? Why are you so insulted by PP's mentioning that she is asian?