It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

If I become a grandmother (Big IF because as it is not a requirement now a days nor should it be) I will have a life if my own and not sitting around waiting for other to fill MY time and entertain me. Get a life folks!

Dp. Then guess what? Your kids will complain that you never see the grandkids because you are too busy traveling the world and you don't love them or you would visit. Either way you will get criticized.

Np. I wouldn’t want a grandma like that. I’m glad I had two sets of grandparents that loved me and wanted to spend time with me. Luckily they didn’t require my mom to do all the work and often asked my dad to Visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't think you can use breastfeeding an infant as an excuse to keep your in-laws away from your baby for months on end. If you *must* be with your baby 24/7 and can not pump milk for your husband to take with him on the visits then you either go with him on these visits or you open your home to your in-laws once a month or you meet them in a neutral place like a restaurant.

You can't set up an impossible scenario where your husband's parents can't get to know their grandkids because you are so, so tired and it is too much work. Your husband and your ILs would grow to resent the heck out of you. Luckily they are only little for a short time.

Eff you. I see my in-laws a lot. I just refuse to travel to them on the only weekend dh is home. They are more than welcome to visit when he’s gone or on the weekend he’s home. The kids are dying to see him and want that time with him. Surely it should be about the kids and not in-laws wants? If they really cared about my kids, they’d visit. They really care about dh more than my kids though.

Man you are testy. I said that you can't use breastfeeding as an excuse to not see your in-laws. I agree that you shouldn't have to travel to see them on the one weekend that your husband has off. If they want to see their grandkids then they need to travel to see you. You welcome them to visit when your dh is not there so you are doing your part. That's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

To find happiness in your life, you need to shift your frame of mind.

You view others only in relation to yourself. This has lead you to viewing everyone as doing something "to you" or making you do something for them. Everything is give or take, transactional. That is a very unhealthy way to view the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To find happiness in your life, you need to shift your frame of mind.

You view others only in relation to yourself. This has lead you to viewing everyone as doing something "to you" or making you do something for them. Everything is give or take, transactional. That is a very unhealthy way to view the world.

eh, feeling obligated to make a 4 hour round trip commute IS a burden. How exactly is Op supposed to reframe that to make herself feel less put upon?

Her ILs are being unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

I don't disagree with this. But to characterize it as a demand is idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

I don't disagree with this. But to characterize it as a demand is idiotic.

Guilting, obligating a person into making a 4 hour round trip visit to your house IS demanding. It is, in fact, a demand.

MIL is saying - "I want to see my grandchild" and instead of saying "Would Sunday be a good day for me to stop by and pick Larla up and take her bowling?" She is saying "When would be a convenient time for YOU to bring Larla to visit ME?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

I don't disagree with this. But to characterize it as a demand is idiotic.

Guilting, obligating a person into making a 4 hour round trip visit to your house IS demanding. It is, in fact, a demand.

MIL is saying - "I want to see my grandchild" and instead of saying "Would Sunday be a good day for me to stop by and pick Larla up and take her bowling?" She is saying "When would be a convenient time for YOU to bring Larla to visit ME?"

You're ridiculous. It must be exhausting to go through life looking to take offense at everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

I don't disagree with this. But to characterize it as a demand is idiotic.

Guilting, obligating a person into making a 4 hour round trip visit to your house IS demanding. It is, in fact, a demand.

MIL is saying - "I want to see my grandchild" and instead of saying "Would Sunday be a good day for me to stop by and pick Larla up and take her bowling?" She is saying "When would be a convenient time for YOU to bring Larla to visit ME?"

You're ridiculous. It must be exhausting to go through life looking to take offense at everything.

Perhaps you might tend to be a bit inconsiderate, yourself? IF your requests usually involve other people jumping through hoops (4 hour round trip drive) in order to get YOU something that you want (visits with a grandchild, for instance), then you might be a bit on the over demanding side.

Next time, ask what YOU can do to make this visits happen without putting an inordinate amount of strain on the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Guilting, obligating a person into making a 4 hour round trip visit to your house IS demanding. It is, in fact, a demand.

MIL is saying - "I want to see my grandchild" and instead of saying "Would Sunday be a good day for me to stop by and pick Larla up and take her bowling?" She is saying "When would be a convenient time for YOU to bring Larla to visit ME?"

You're ridiculous. It must be exhausting to go through life looking to take offense at everything.
I agree with you. She probably thinks she's being thoughtful by phrasing it this way and has no idea DIL is in a tiff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To find happiness in your life, you need to shift your frame of mind.

You view others only in relation to yourself. This has lead you to viewing everyone as doing something "to you" or making you do something for them. Everything is give or take, transactional. That is a very unhealthy way to view the world.

eh, feeling obligated to make a 4 hour round trip commute IS a burden. How exactly is Op supposed to reframe that to make herself feel less put upon?

Her ILs are being unrealistic.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MILs need to start asking their own damn sons for favors. Stop with the DILs. If their son is too busy or traveling, they need to support their DIL instead of being yet another burden on her.

Sounds like this MIL is trying to support the DIL but the DIL is too big of a b**ch to accept it as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry because I know it’s cliche around here, but I’m at my wits end with my MIL. My DH works in an industry that takes him on the road for weeks, sometimes months at a time. It’s a particularly busy time for him right now, so I’ve been mostly on my own for the month. DH family are such takers, always wanting, wondering what you can do for them. It’s exhausting. Of course because DH is away so much, everything falls on my shoulders. For the most part, I deal with it just fine. I do what I can, say no to what I can’t. My MIL is so manipulative, I feel. Take this latest exchange. She texts me a picture from Christmas, said she found it on her phone. We exchange niceties about the holidays, she even asked me about how things were going for me. I answer, ask her how things are with her. She responds with, “Anytime soon a good time for you to bring DS over for a visit?” This happens every time! I would love one conversation that didn’t revert back to what I can do for them! You want a favor of me, fine. Just ask! Please stop with the unnecessary niceties. I don’t need fluffing. I can’t stand it and I’m this close to cutting off all contact while my husband is away. Please talk some sense into me!

You do need fluffing though because you see ill intent in something very benign.

Maybe your MIL would rather come to you but you're so sensitive she has to pussyfoot around you.

You complain of being overburdened while your husband is away but are hostile to the help being offered to you.

Nothing in the interaction you described seems manipulative or demanding on her part. Sounds like she's trying to open up a dialogue with one idea for being more involved with you and instead of embracing that and making your suggestions on what would be better for you, you just see it as "taking" and get unnecessarily angry.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my MIL is demanding to spend time with DC.

DH is traveling so he asked her to pick up DC from school and drive to activities. He has to train MIL how to use car line, give times and addresses to all the activities, etc. I’m not sure if she can handle it.

Honestly, I would rather do it myself. And it’s annoying that MIL inserts herself into our live. She will drive to the school that I picked, will drive to activities that I selected and meet people I found and made friends with. Like a parasite that doesn’t have her own life and has to live off someone else’s.

Just venting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry because I know it’s cliche around here, but I’m at my wits end with my MIL. My DH works in an industry that takes him on the road for weeks, sometimes months at a time. It’s a particularly busy time for him right now, so I’ve been mostly on my own for the month. DH family are such takers, always wanting, wondering what you can do for them. It’s exhausting. Of course because DH is away so much, everything falls on my shoulders. For the most part, I deal with it just fine. I do what I can, say no to what I can’t. My MIL is so manipulative, I feel. Take this latest exchange. She texts me a picture from Christmas, said she found it on her phone. We exchange niceties about the holidays, she even asked me about how things were going for me. I answer, ask her how things are with her. She responds with, “Anytime soon a good time for you to bring DS over for a visit?” This happens every time! I would love one conversation that didn’t revert back to what I can do for them! You want a favor of me, fine. Just ask! Please stop with the unnecessary niceties. I don’t need fluffing. I can’t stand it and I’m this close to cutting off all contact while my husband is away. Please talk some sense into me!

You do need fluffing though because you see ill intent in something very benign.

Maybe your MIL would rather come to you but you're so sensitive she has to pussyfoot around you.

You complain of being overburdened while your husband is away but are hostile to the help being offered to you.

Nothing in the interaction you described seems manipulative or demanding on her part. Sounds like she's trying to open up a dialogue with one idea for being more involved with you and instead of embracing that and making your suggestions on what would be better for you, you just see it as "taking" and get unnecessarily angry.

+1

It's such spoiled behavior by the DIL. "Oh MIL didn't read my mind and didn't perfectly phrase a suggestion that a reasonable person would see as an attempt to help, and therefore I am UPSET. HOW DARE SHE NOT BE OMNISCIENT."

[Anonymous]

You're mad because you want her to come to see you so you can get free babysitting.