The realities of being lower middle class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FA isn’t just about SES. I’ve literally been told by a school - in writing no less - that their FA was intended to diversify the school, which we don’t do. Admitted, yes. Being white meant no FA.

My family is white and we are at a top 5 on 66% FA.

I can tell you know that while my daughter has had incredible teachers and a wonderful experience, the reality is, it is expensive and as they get older in high school and there are opportunities, trips, and all the expenses of junior/senior year, you will wonder why you ever did it. These kids are handed everything and it g ets tough when you can’t afford the 5 figure tutors, the most expensive private college counselor, or take the 5K test prep course. Not to mention that a white kid who needs aid for college is not well received. The URM’s have their choices. The rich whites can get into anything that isn’t need blind. The FA whites struggle, even with fantastic GPA’s. They aren’t inflated enough for in-state schools and privates don’t see you as a valuable asset when someone with a slightly lower GPA will not only pay but donate money.

Be grateful you will save the money. Save it for tutors, vacations, colleges, etc...

We are living this very scenario right now. Unless you are an athlete or some rare musician, going to private school is not worth unless you are willing to spend more money in it. Test preps classes are minimum $3000 and that is with groups. Private tutors are $100/hr. Private college preparers are about $20,000. Each SAT or ACT is another $50+. SAT subject tests, AP test fees. $100 application fees for colleges. Then you have to PAY to submit your test scores to college (what an f'ing scam) and also have to pay to do the FAFSA and CSS for the schools. Then there are prom attire, graduation outfits, trips for Beach Week that cost $1500, kids in brand new cars driving to school that are nicer than the staff parking lot. My kid doesn't even have a car. There is SO much we have to say no to and so much we just drop our jaws in the expenses others think are just like handing a $5 bill. Don't even get me started on the fundraising, and the parent parties, and the auctions. I am grateful they allow so many kids on FA to go to the school, but it has been so tough to watch my daughter in middle class think she is a "has not." I know she knows we aren't poor and I know she appreciates what she has, but it doesn't really present itself in lower grades the way it does in high school.

So unless you child needs a smaller atmosphere or has a need only a private school can fill, then you REALLY have to sit back and think of the finances for the long haul. How you could help your child out with that money saved. If you are a minority, I absolutely do think it is worth it though. Those kids get into amazing schools and rightfully so. I also think kids that need some help can get it in lower and middle school and then go into public high school and do just fine. I truly regret not moving to public high school. She really wanted to stay, but the last 2 years have been extremely stressful for her and she now regrets not going back to public.

For the top privates, yes, but there are also smaller not as popular privates that are more affordable and don't have those kind of demands. You choose that for her so I don't get your comments and you can clearly afford it. At publics, there is a core of kids who are living that lifestyle too. You are blaming it on the school when its not and its parenting choices.

[Anonymous]

Nope, it’s the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FA isn’t just about SES. I’ve literally been told by a school - in writing no less - that their FA was intended to diversify the school, which we don’t do. Admitted, yes. Being white meant no FA.

My family is white and we are at a top 5 on 66% FA.

I can tell you know that while my daughter has had incredible teachers and a wonderful experience, the reality is, it is expensive and as they get older in high school and there are opportunities, trips, and all the expenses of junior/senior year, you will wonder why you ever did it. These kids are handed everything and it g ets tough when you can’t afford the 5 figure tutors, the most expensive private college counselor, or take the 5K test prep course. Not to mention that a white kid who needs aid for college is not well received. The URM’s have their choices. The rich whites can get into anything that isn’t need blind. The FA whites struggle, even with fantastic GPA’s. They aren’t inflated enough for in-state schools and privates don’t see you as a valuable asset when someone with a slightly lower GPA will not only pay but donate money.

Be grateful you will save the money. Save it for tutors, vacations, colleges, etc...

We are living this very scenario right now. Unless you are an athlete or some rare musician, going to private school is not worth unless you are willing to spend more money in it. Test preps classes are minimum $3000 and that is with groups. Private tutors are $100/hr. Private college preparers are about $20,000. Each SAT or ACT is another $50+. SAT subject tests, AP test fees. $100 application fees for colleges. Then you have to PAY to submit your test scores to college (what an f'ing scam) and also have to pay to do the FAFSA and CSS for the schools. Then there are prom attire, graduation outfits, trips for Beach Week that cost $1500, kids in brand new cars driving to school that are nicer than the staff parking lot. My kid doesn't even have a car. There is SO much we have to say no to and so much we just drop our jaws in the expenses others think are just like handing a $5 bill. Don't even get me started on the fundraising, and the parent parties, and the auctions. I am grateful they allow so many kids on FA to go to the school, but it has been so tough to watch my daughter in middle class think she is a "has not." I know she knows we aren't poor and I know she appreciates what she has, but it doesn't really present itself in lower grades the way it does in high school.

So unless you child needs a smaller atmosphere or has a need only a private school can fill, then you REALLY have to sit back and think of the finances for the long haul. How you could help your child out with that money saved. If you are a minority, I absolutely do think it is worth it though. Those kids get into amazing schools and rightfully so. I also think kids that need some help can get it in lower and middle school and then go into public high school and do just fine. I truly regret not moving to public high school. She really wanted to stay, but the last 2 years have been extremely stressful for her and she now regrets not going back to public.

For the top privates, yes, but there are also smaller not as popular privates that are more affordable and don't have those kind of demands. You choose that for her so I don't get your comments and you can clearly afford it. At publics, there is a core of kids who are living that lifestyle too. You are blaming it on the school when its not and its parenting choices.

Not the PP but can you post what private high schools that are affordable?

[Anonymous]

Chiming in with a naive question, as this thread is terrifying! Wait, so schools make admission decisions based on whether the families also applied for financial aid?

I'm moving to the area in summer 2019 with my son; he'll be a student there for two years. We applied to several private schools, and also applied for financial aid. I was looking at it as, hey, if we qualify for financial aid, great; if not, I'm willing to blow through my non-TSP savings to pay for a couple of years of private school. (I was assured by a wealthier friend that most families who work for my employer qualify for some amount of financial assistance.)

So, wait, it's possible that we're going to be turned down by schools not because of my kid's qualifications or lack thereof, but rather because we applied for aid? I guess I thought that those two applications were more separate -- that a school might say "You're in! but you didn't qualify for financial aid," and then a family would have to decide whether or not they could afford to accept the admissions offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP above actually posted some helpful links to nice properties. I think there is a Marc stop in Croton. That would get you good public schools at least.

My family’s HHI is $200k. Too much for financial aid, so the expensive privates are out. We can’t afford a huge mortgage and still save for college/retirement. Our local publics in Fairfax County are not great. We ended up putting our three kids in parochial.

People, you do realize that something is VERY wrong in this country if people who's income places them in top 1% of the world population can't find:

*** housing and a good free public education

And the solution is NOT financial aid at the right private school

The solution is for people to say WTF....and demand change

Really?
Lets revolt against the gov!
Everybody have the right to free Mercedes and free Harvard!
Life is soo bad!!

I think MOST of the world’s population would think our free school
Options are pretty darn awesome. It’s just that most people aren’t willing to live in a tiny apartment far away from the cool areas of town to be in good school districts. The immigrants have it figured out, it’s usually just entitled white people who whine about these problems. Or people unwilling to remove themselves from the area where they grew up.

[Anonymous]

For most it is not the "cool areas" but being close enough to work that you don't spend an hour plus each way commuting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in with a naive question, as this thread is terrifying! Wait, so schools make admission decisions based on whether the families also applied for financial aid?

I'm moving to the area in summer 2019 with my son; he'll be a student there for two years. We applied to several private schools, and also applied for financial aid. I was looking at it as, hey, if we qualify for financial aid, great; if not, I'm willing to blow through my non-TSP savings to pay for a couple of years of private school. (I was assured by a wealthier friend that most families who work for my employer qualify for some amount of financial assistance.)

So, wait, it's possible that we're going to be turned down by schools not because of my kid's qualifications or lack thereof, but rather because we applied for aid? I guess I thought that those two applications were more separate -- that a school might say "You're in! but you didn't qualify for financial aid," and then a family would have to decide whether or not they could afford to accept the admissions offer.

My experience is with Baltimore private schools. They admitted my DS but said they didn't have any aid for us. I couldn't pay for the tuition without aid so I turned them down. He ended up at another school that gave us aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in with a naive question, as this thread is terrifying! Wait, so schools make admission decisions based on whether the families also applied for financial aid?

I'm moving to the area in summer 2019 with my son; he'll be a student there for two years. We applied to several private schools, and also applied for financial aid. I was looking at it as, hey, if we qualify for financial aid, great; if not, I'm willing to blow through my non-TSP savings to pay for a couple of years of private school. (I was assured by a wealthier friend that most families who work for my employer qualify for some amount of financial assistance.)

So, wait, it's possible that we're going to be turned down by schools not because of my kid's qualifications or lack thereof, but rather because we applied for aid? I guess I thought that those two applications were more separate -- that a school might say "You're in! but you didn't qualify for financial aid," and then a family would have to decide whether or not they could afford to accept the admissions offer.

Unfortunately you’ve assumed wrongly. While it is true most schools assess an applicant in their own right based on merit FIRST and separately assess financial aid based on income - and while a small number of schools will extend admissions separately and regardless of the school’s ability to offer financial aid - the vast majority of schools, and ALL of the elites, will waitlist otherwise qualified applicants if they’ve applied for financial aid but the school is unable to make an award. Some schools are transparent about this while for others it’s less obvious. It is a rare school that can afford to be truly needs blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nobody needs the DC privates except rich people looking for a way to hide the fact that their children are idiots. in washington dc, we are blessed with many very high quality public schools.

wow. you are the idiot. and sound a little jealous also.

Sorry, I agree with pp. I live in Baltimore, and the public schools are so bad that private actually makes sense if your kid is going to be anything other than a costmotologist. If you live in Montgomery or Arlington county, you just go to private’s cause you are rich.

Or your kids can’t hack it in one of the competitive districts.

+1. This is the real answer. Parents who know their kids will end up at the 50th percentile at one of the good public schools send their kids to privates because they're trying to hide behind a name.

I get so sick of this kind of comment. It's nasty and sounds like sour grapes. Jealous much? And you know what else? So Eff'ing what if that's what someone choses to do??? What if your kid isn't hacking it in a competitive district and you want to give them a chance at something else and you can afford it, why shouldn't you? If they can afford it, and its going to give their kids a leg up from being in a "50th percentile", good for them. Why wouldn't they do that? Is your argument that even if they have the means to give their average student a boost by putting them in an environment that will help the improve, they shouldn't??

[Anonymous]

Go catholic. Dirt cheap and at least it's not public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go catholic. Dirt cheap and at least it's not public

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FA isn’t just about SES. I’ve literally been told by a school - in writing no less - that their FA was intended to diversify the school, which we don’t do. Admitted, yes. Being white meant no FA.

My family is white and we are at a top 5 on 66% FA.

I can tell you know that while my daughter has had incredible teachers and a wonderful experience, the reality is, it is expensive and as they get older in high school and there are opportunities, trips, and all the expenses of junior/senior year, you will wonder why you ever did it. These kids are handed everything and it g ets tough when you can’t afford the 5 figure tutors, the most expensive private college counselor, or take the 5K test prep course. Not to mention that a white kid who needs aid for college is not well received. The URM’s have their choices. The rich whites can get into anything that isn’t need blind. The FA whites struggle, even with fantastic GPA’s. They aren’t inflated enough for in-state schools and privates don’t see you as a valuable asset when someone with a slightly lower GPA will not only pay but donate money.

Be grateful you will save the money. Save it for tutors, vacations, colleges, etc...

We are living this very scenario right now. Unless you are an athlete or some rare musician, going to private school is not worth unless you are willing to spend more money in it. Test preps classes are minimum $3000 and that is with groups. Private tutors are $100/hr. Private college preparers are about $20,000. Each SAT or ACT is another $50+. SAT subject tests, AP test fees. $100 application fees for colleges. Then you have to PAY to submit your test scores to college (what an f'ing scam) and also have to pay to do the FAFSA and CSS for the schools. Then there are prom attire, graduation outfits, trips for Beach Week that cost $1500, kids in brand new cars driving to school that are nicer than the staff parking lot. My kid doesn't even have a car. There is SO much we have to say no to and so much we just drop our jaws in the expenses others think are just like handing a $5 bill. Don't even get me started on the fundraising, and the parent parties, and the auctions. I am grateful they allow so many kids on FA to go to the school, but it has been so tough to watch my daughter in middle class think she is a "has not." I know she knows we aren't poor and I know she appreciates what she has, but it doesn't really present itself in lower grades the way it does in high school.

So unless you child needs a smaller atmosphere or has a need only a private school can fill, then you REALLY have to sit back and think of the finances for the long haul. How you could help your child out with that money saved. If you are a minority, I absolutely do think it is worth it though. Those kids get into amazing schools and rightfully so. I also think kids that need some help can get it in lower and middle school and then go into public high school and do just fine. I truly regret not moving to public high school. She really wanted to stay, but the last 2 years have been extremely stressful for her and she now regrets not going back to public.

For the top privates, yes, but there are also smaller not as popular privates that are more affordable and don't have those kind of demands. You choose that for her so I don't get your comments and you can clearly afford it. At publics, there is a core of kids who are living that lifestyle too. You are blaming it on the school when its not and its parenting choices.

Not the PP but can you post what private high schools that are affordable?

Crickets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in with a naive question, as this thread is terrifying! Wait, so schools make admission decisions based on whether the families also applied for financial aid?

I'm moving to the area in summer 2019 with my son; he'll be a student there for two years. We applied to several private schools, and also applied for financial aid. I was looking at it as, hey, if we qualify for financial aid, great; if not, I'm willing to blow through my non-TSP savings to pay for a couple of years of private school. (I was assured by a wealthier friend that most families who work for my employer qualify for some amount of financial assistance.)

So, wait, it's possible that we're going to be turned down by schools not because of my kid's qualifications or lack thereof, but rather because we applied for aid? I guess I thought that those two applications were more separate -- that a school might say "You're in! but you didn't qualify for financial aid," and then a family would have to decide whether or not they could afford to accept the admissions offer.

Yes, they will reject or waitlist you if they can't cover the FA you requested. It's common practice.

[Anonymous]

People who prefer public over private and claim its higher quality clearly have never worked at public schools and private schools. The teachers are great at some
dc public schools and do make more money HOWEVER there is just no way to balance the high class sizes, loads of mandatory district and PARCC test prep, and all the kids with severe special needs who cannot get the services they need and are just placed in the mainstream classroom because DCPS doesn’t want to pay for other placements.

Educator who has worked at public for decades and sends kids to modest private school with a HHI under 200k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who prefer public over private and claim its higher quality clearly have never worked at public schools and private schools. The teachers are great at some
dc public schools and do make more money HOWEVER there is just no way to balance the high class sizes, loads of mandatory district and PARCC test prep, and all the kids with severe special needs who cannot get the services they need and are just placed in the mainstream classroom because DCPS doesn’t want to pay for other placements.

Educator who has worked at public for decades and sends kids to modest private school with a HHI under 200k

I live one block from Langley HS and but my kids go to Sidwell and Madeira. My younger sister lives behind Mclean HS but her kid goes to Maret. The high class sizes at these public schools are ridiculous and please do not get me started on AP classes.