Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

It does not matter. She is an adult and should be able to deal with a change in Birthday plans. A card should be sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

It does not matter. She is an adult and should be able to deal with a change in Birthday plans. A card should be sufficient.

Hi there. OP asked for opinions. I gave mine.

You are free to give yours, too.

I didn’t ask for feedback on my view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, we don't give in to terrorists, at least that is what we write on the Political forum. Your MILs sounds like a terrorist. Does she have dementia? I am honestly stunted at so many posts about elderly people here demanding this and that and at this exact time. I am from Eastern Europe and all the grandparent I know, I am from a large family with many cousins, are always willing and happy to accommodate their own kids and grand kids. For example my BIL's mother wanted him and my sister to come over for his birthday, he said, sorry we are working and will be exhausted. So she came over and left a cake for him/them. Similarly for his parents' anniversary they asked them when can they come over. Bil and my sister work, his parents and my mom do not, so they will adjust to their schedule. On the other hand, it is a give and take relationship. When a pipe broke at my mom's house, BIL called a plumber, had people helping and even paid for it. My US FIL is similar to many ILS posted on this forum, I mostly try to ignore his nutso demands and meddling, but it drives SIL and DH insane. Like why is it such a big deal to eat at the BBQ place every week at the exact time that he wants?!

You lose all credibility when you call a relative a terrorist.

We call toddlers terrorists on dcum, if grandma is acting the same, if it quacks like a duck...people who post here knew what a meant, and yes it is also a reference to some orange tantrum maker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you have a son, so that means one day you will likely be the MIL. Your DH is your son’s role model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a son, so that means one day you will likely be the MIL. Your DH is your son’s role model.

I have a son. I’d be happy with dinner period. Who cares when it is? Really?

[Anonymous]

Its once a year. Those options are all good but its once a year. Everyone go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

This is exactly it! It's not like her birthday is a surprise--why did your DH not proactively think about it, look at the calendar/see the sports conflict, and make a plan?

Instead, it was, what, a few days out, and she had heard nothing from her son or from you. So she knew that none of you had made plans for her birthday. So she decided when and where she wanted to celebrate.

If you guys had thought this through, you could have called her very early on, and cheerfully suggested a plan. "Mom, we're excited about your birthday! We're all free the Sunday before, so we made reservations at that place French you love in Georgetown. Can we pick you up at 6?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:on one hand your MIL is being difficult. on the other hand, grandma birthday is more important than one of a gazillion practices.

Both of our families are long distance--a card and/or gift and a call are what happen. Everyone survives. Grandma can count her blessings that her family is nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck does dinner need to be st 6:00? There is no reason it can’t be at 6:30. You and DS can join the dinner at 6:30. If MIL and DH want to get started at 6:00, have them do so. They can have a drink and appetizer before you arrive. Or the dinner can be on Sunday.

Geeze, OP, I agree with this poster. 6:30 is fine. Or arrive late with your DS. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

This is exactly it! It's not like her birthday is a surprise--why did your DH not proactively think about it, look at the calendar/see the sports conflict, and make a plan?

Instead, it was, what, a few days out, and she had heard nothing from her son or from you. So she knew that none of you had made plans for her birthday. So she decided when and where she wanted to celebrate.

If you guys had thought this through, you could have called her very early on, and cheerfully suggested a plan. "Mom, we're excited about your birthday! We're all free the Sunday before, so we made reservations at that place French you love in Georgetown. Can we pick you up at 6?"

Great post, PP. You're spot on. Both OP and her DH failed on this one. Now OP is casting shade on her MIL, which seems to be a popular sport here on DCUM.

OP and her husband need to get their act together. Like, really, OP, you didn't know that you had to give signed permission for someone other than a parent to get a kid from SACC??? What rock have you been living under? Sheesh. No wonder you're posting here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

This is exactly it! It's not like her birthday is a surprise--why did your DH not proactively think about it, look at the calendar/see the sports conflict, and make a plan?

Instead, it was, what, a few days out, and she had heard nothing from her son or from you. So she knew that none of you had made plans for her birthday. So she decided when and where she wanted to celebrate.

If you guys had thought this through, you could have called her very early on, and cheerfully suggested a plan. "Mom, we're excited about your birthday! We're all free the Sunday before, so we made reservations at that place French you love in Georgetown. Can we pick you up at 6?"

Great post, PP. You're spot on. Both OP and her DH failed on this one. Now OP is casting shade on her MIL, which seems to be a popular sport here on DCUM.

OP and her husband need to get their act together. Like, really, OP, you didn't know that you had to give signed permission for someone other than a parent to get a kid from SACC??? What rock have you been living under? Sheesh. No wonder you're posting here!

THANK you--I saw the SACC and I was like..."Uh, YEAH, of course they need some form of pre-communication or explicit permission. You really want them releasing your kid without express, documented permission?!"

[Anonymous]

1. It’s not a serious sport if it only practices once a week. I coach CYO basketball, FWIW.

2. The child is old enough to make his own informed decision. The only talk in this thread is about what the parents and grandparents want him to do (we allow our 6 and 8 year olds for decide whether they’ll miss practice for conflicts, but they don’t get to play if they miss). OP’s framing of the issue in terms of deciding what the child should or shouldn’t do is not that far off from MIL’s behavior.