Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what the situation is but could be that MIL lives alone and doesn’t want to be alone of her actual bday. So...while most of us can be flexible on the date, it may be depressing for some people to be alone on a special day. However, I don’t understand the lack of flexibility on the time of the dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inserting yourself?

Present options to husband.

He deals with his own mother.

Done.

I’m just curious. My DH asked me what I thought was best and honestly, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.

Then tell him you don't really know, you don't have a strong feeling either way, and he needs to figure it out.

You really need DCUM to tell you what to think? If you don't feel strongly about it, that's your answer. He can figure it out, what with him being an adult and all, and what with this being his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inserting yourself?

Present options to husband.

He deals with his own mother.

Done.

You’re on this thread too? Move along, now.

How is this not a rational, reasonable response? Can OP (or you, who seem to be her proxy) answer the simple question: Why are you inserting yourself into your husband's family dynamics?

If OP doesn't care enough to have a strong, firm response here, then why can't she simply tell DH all the options she'd be OK with, then leave him to manage his own mother?

[Anonymous]

If MIL is stuck on having birthday dinner on actual day-your DH should go alone and fuss over her. On the weekend do a family dinner/celebration. I get that dinner at 7 is late for some but your son’s commitment to his team is important and it’s unrealistic that a busy family cannot ask for flexibility in scheduling. IF this is a milestone event it may seem more important but if my parents/ILs milestone BDs fell mid-week - all understood waiting. You still call on day of but take your kid to practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to grow up and start acting her age.

+1. She can't have dinner half an hour later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck does dinner need to be st 6:00? There is no reason it can’t be at 6:30. You and DS can join the dinner at 6:30. If MIL and DH want to get started at 6:00, have them do so. They can have a drink and appetizer before you arrive. Or the dinner can be on Sunday.

+1

In defense of old people (I studied geriatric psychology), they worry a LOT about food, they tend to eat dinner earlier than the younger set. Hence, early-bird specials. So I would suggest she pick another day when DS doesn't have a prior commitment.

Oh geriatric psychology sounds interesting! Tell us more! Like why do they get so mean and negative so fast?

[Anonymous]

I’m thinking it’s unreasonable to expect you to have dinner an hour away on a weeknight, whenever the dinner starts. What time will you get home — 9:30? That’s too late for my kids.

[Anonymous]

NP who is also curious as to why you are taking this on. It doesn't sound like DH is super-worried and has asked you to be the final decider/communicator of the decision.

If it bothers you enough to post about, but you don't have to actually be the one deciding and doing it, why are you doing it?

[Anonymous]

I’d send DH to be there at six and you can DS can get here by 7 for cake and presents. If they are slow at the restaurant and people order cocktails and apps, you might even make dinner if DH orders for you. (Tell DH to ask about ingredients in the specials, then when waiter come back say he needs “just a couple minutes to decide”—no way they’ll get entrees before 7.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inserting yourself?

Present options to husband.

He deals with his own mother.

Done.

I’m just curious. My DH asked me what I thought was best and honestly, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.

Ignore the pp OP. Nothing wrong with you having an opinion too.

[Anonymous]

If 6pm is so important, find a restaurants next to where the practice is. You can make it there by 6:15.

[Anonymous]

I would not have your son miss practice. Maybe he won't be a superstar one day, but to me it's very important to instill dedication to a team and making tough choices when others depend on you. MIL can wait a few extra minutes and your son will show his teammates and coach that he is a good team player.

[Anonymous]

leave practice 15 minutes early

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

This. Put it into perspective. She is his grandma, this team will be over in a few months. At the very least, inform the coach that your son has an important family event so he will be leaving 30 minutes early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

This. Put it into perspective. She is his grandma, this team will be over in a few months. At the very least, inform the coach that your son has an important family event so he will be leaving 30 minutes early.

But can’t Grandma put it perspective and have dinner the night before or on the weekend?