Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.

[Anonymous]

Our DS has sports practice weekly. He had to miss last week because of some logistical issues which were out of his control. His next practice falls on MIL’s birthday. We’d rather him not miss another practice, because his team and coaches expect his participation. His practice is until 6:00ish. MIL is making a huge deal over this and being a little rigid. She wants to have dinner and wants it at a favorite restaurant near her home AT 6pm, and she wants DS there more than anything. DH presented three options:

Dinner later, so DS can still make practice

Dinner closer to us at 6 (DS and I would be only a little late)

DH attends her dinner without DS and I, and we celebrate at a later date.

She’s currently pouting and giving DH a hard time, telling him everything comes before her birthday. Are we actually the ones being rigid? Do we have DS miss his second practice so he can go? And no, this is not a milestone BD. Just a mid-week actual BD being celebrated on the actual day.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to grow up and start acting her age.

[Anonymous]

I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides but this will be happening a lot. Sports practices get later and later as kids get older. We generally roll with the punches on this - we have dinner early or late on the day to accommodate the child. My kids often pick to go to practice on their own birthdays. While I love celebrating on the day - I don't want to be to rigid about it. My mother is like this. We find a way to make it special. I would tell MIL - you will be there at 6:30 and do a little something extra to show you are thinking of her. Flowers delivered that morning. Your son calls and sings to her that morning? Unless she's a PITA about it

[Anonymous]

Why are you inserting yourself?

Present options to husband.

He deals with his own mother.

Done.

[Anonymous]

Why the heck does dinner need to be st 6:00? There is no reason it can’t be at 6:30. You and DS can join the dinner at 6:30. If MIL and DH want to get started at 6:00, have them do so. They can have a drink and appetizer before you arrive. Or the dinner can be on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck does dinner need to be st 6:00? There is no reason it can’t be at 6:30. You and DS can join the dinner at 6:30. If MIL and DH want to get started at 6:00, have them do so. They can have a drink and appetizer before you arrive. Or the dinner can be on Sunday.

She just wants what she wants and wants to feel accommodated, I believe. The weekend would be so much easier and allow us so much more time, but she feels it’s more important to get a rushed weekday dinner ON the day as opposed to a nice day as a family on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inserting yourself?

Present options to husband.

He deals with his own mother.

Done.

I’m just curious. My DH asked me what I thought was best and honestly, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.

[Anonymous]

DS and you should show up late. MIL needs to grow up. She's 73, not 3.

[Anonymous]

Who over the age of maybe 20 cares about a celebration happening specifically on their birthday? She needs to do like the rest of us, and celebrate when everyone is available and it’s convenient.

[Anonymous]

How many other schedules are there to work around?
In my family it would go one of two ways: A) the host tries to find a date that works for everyone. If Grandma finds it particularly important for one special grandchild to be there, Grandma schedules the party for a day he can come.
Or B) The host invites everyone, and whoever can't make it, can't make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

Eh, he can miss??? Shouldn’t that be for the kid and the parents to decide?

Clearly neither the kid nor the parents want him to skip his plans so his grandmother can throw a tantrum over something completely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

It's so annoying when adults make a fuss about their own birthdays. You have presented perfectly good options. MIL needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

How old is your DS?

In general, in this area I think we cater too much to our kids’ activity schedule and 5 years from now it’s not going to make a difference if he made this practice or not, and grandma could have passed on or have dementia. I’m also guilty of putting our kids’ schedule before everything else and I try to check myself because it’s ridiculous.