Our nanny backed out of weekend care. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be off here.. but the nanny seems a bit suspicious to me.

Does she know your mom/have a good relationship with your mom ? Has she ever heard you or your DH complain about her?

If none of the above are the case, I really don’t understand the nanny flaking out at the last minute knowing it woul impact a scheduled an out-of-town trip.

I think there are some key details we may be missing to the story...

Because now instead of doing her job, she will feel pressured to entertain grandma, she’ll have grandma undermining her rules and routines with the kids, possibly reporting to OP every little thing nanny does that grandma doesn’t agree with, even if it’s not inappropriate. It ups the stress of the job significantly.

[Anonymous]

Don't side with the nanny over the grandmother, whatever you do. The nanny is employee, the grandmother is forever. If she can't deal with another adult in the house then you probably don't want her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not reading the pages before but OP-I’d be done with this nanny. She works for you-you set terms of her employment. You made decision (I fully support) that you believe an in-site back up support person was a good idea and who better than someone invested in everyone’s happiness than your mother. Again-your employee is fulfilling the needs you defined.

The nanny had no legitimate cause to feel undermined and just because she decided circumstances had changed and she could drop her long standing commitment at great cost and upheaval to others would be a firable offense in my book and there’d be no grace period.

I actually sort of agree with this. Maybe you could have asked first. I think it is very rude of your nanny to just quit like that. You can apologize and explain your reasoning. And think those ages is a lot of work! What is the baby has a bad night and nanny can’t sleep - it would be nice to have backup. I don’t know your mother but I assume she is a nice woman. Sounds like you explained that nanny would be in charge - make sure nanny know that. For what it is worth my mother spent many a days with out various nannies when she came to visit and it was no issues. Nannies told me they loved my mom and it was nice to have company. My mom was liked by everyone though. Pretty sure nannies like her better. I am not sure if my mom “helped” but she did participate in whatever was going on. She was only there to visits us though. I don’t see why it couldn’t do it.

I also had another time where sister and husband visited. They ended up all going to the movies and took nanny to lunch. The next day aunt and uncle took older one and the baby stayed with nanny. Everyone seemed happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not reading the pages before but OP-I’d be done with this nanny. She works for you-you set terms of her employment. You made decision (I fully support) that you believe an in-site back up support person was a good idea and who better than someone invested in everyone’s happiness than your mother. Again-your employee is fulfilling the needs you defined.

The nanny had no legitimate cause to feel undermined and just because she decided circumstances had changed and she could drop her long standing commitment at great cost and upheaval to others would be a firable offense in my book and there’d be no grace period.

I actually sort of agree with this. Maybe you could have asked first. I think it is very rude of your nanny to just quit like that. You can apologize and explain your reasoning. And think those ages is a lot of work! What is the baby has a bad night and nanny can’t sleep - it would be nice to have backup. I don’t know your mother but I assume she is a nice woman. Sounds like you explained that nanny would be in charge - make sure nanny know that. For what it is worth my mother spent many a days with out various nannies when she came to visit and it was no issues. Nannies told me they loved my mom and it was nice to have company. My mom was liked by everyone though. Pretty sure nannies like her better. I am not sure if my mom “helped” but she did participate in whatever was going on. She was only there to visits us though. I don’t see why it couldn’t do it.

I also had another time where sister and husband visited. They ended up all going to the movies and took nanny to lunch. The next day aunt and uncle took older one and the baby stayed with nanny. Everyone seemed happy.

It was also rude of OP to substantially change the terms of the engagement after the nanny had already agreed to it.

[Anonymous]

OP changed job without asking if nanny was ok with Grandma was there. Many grandma's are a PITA. OP should have asked if she needed or wanted extra help.

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP is literally thinking of leaving three very young kids with someone she doesn't know at all. And can't care for her three kids without help. Team nanny all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, what if grandma just wanted to come for a weekend to spend time with the grandchildren suddenly she’s at the beck and call of the nanny? BS nanny is a stuck up employee who’s throwing a hissy fit without even trying to understand the parents decision. I didn’t realize the parents have to check with a stranger to have grandparents came over. PS I have a nanny who’d never pull this drama.

Unless the nanny just started, she’s not a stranger. And since she’s apparently the only one capable of taking care of all the kids by herself? Yes, you should definitely consult before bringing in unneeded help!

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised by these responses. I always ask my mom to help when my nanny is with the kids on weekends. I think th extra hand is helpful and gives her a break. Am I wrong? She has never said anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

I definitely didn’t mean to offend or upset my nanny. I trust her abilities and she’s been alone with all three many times and does well. I just had last minute jitters and feel more comfortable leaving my kids with two sets of hands instead of one. I sincerely thought nanny would be grateful for the help. Her pay stays the same but less work.

My kids are young. 7mo, 2.5 and 6. They’re a handful and I kept imagining scenerios where nanny would need help and quick. I agree, I should have consulted her first. That being said, I think in any job you have to be fairly flexible and know things aren’t always going to go your way. I guess I’m just disappointed in our nannies reaction. Very unexpected.

Also my mother is able bodied and sound of mind. She just gets overwhelmed with all three. My mother being present definitely doesn’t add to any duties the nanny has, just relieved her of many.

[b]

“Her pay stays the same but less work”

You don’t get it. It’s SO MUCH MORE WORK when the parents or grandma are around. You don’t understand at all. It’s more than double the work, the kids don’t behave, and there’s zero down time because in naps nanny will feel like she can’t sit down or relax because grandma is there. It’s not about nanny. Wind lazy or on her phone, it’s about being human and sometimes nannies need to sit for 3 minutes while the kids play and you can’t have true downtime with grandma is there.

NP here. Disagree completely. With 3 kids of such different ages it can be a big help to have another adult around so the baby can stay asleep while the two older kids do something else outside. Regardless of how the nanny may feel about her ability to “relax” without another adult around, it’s very unprofessional to cancel on someone at the last minute.

Except nanny can carry the monitor in the backyard while older kids can play. Btdt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by these responses. I always ask my mom to help when my nanny is with the kids on weekends. I think th extra hand is helpful and gives her a break. Am I wrong? She has never said anything.

If you never asked your nanny if she actually wanted help, yes, you were wrong.

[Anonymous]

How about stop assuming what everyone needs and just ask the person in question.

MB: "nanny, i know 3 kids for 3 days can be brutal". "would you like my mom to come into town to help, no change in pay for you"
Nanny" Nah, i got this, i have been doing this for 6 years and the kids know/respect me"
MB: "sounds great!"


Done.

I would be having some very serious words with DH if he flew his mom in to stay with me for 4 days while he was gone. In some ways it is 100% easier when he isn't around and the kids and I can just do our thing. To drag his mom along just for 'an extra set of hands' Nope. Not a chance.

I want to sit in my jammie bottoms and eat icecream watching crappy tv after the kids go to bed. I want to eat pizza in teh living room watching movies with the kids. I want to take them to the ice cream shop only they and I like.

I don't need help and would be offended if someone thought i did, if i hadn't asked for help.

[Anonymous]

Bring mom and kids on trip. Fire nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring mom and kids on trip. Fire nanny.

The trip was over 2 months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by these responses. I always ask my mom to help when my nanny is with the kids on weekends. I think th extra hand is helpful and gives her a break. Am I wrong? She has never said anything.

Would you want to you boss to have his wife or mother "help" you when he is out of town? Bringing your mother or MIL is telling the nanny that you do not trust her and that she incompetent. Also, your mother/MIL may be a PITA

[Anonymous]

So what did OP end up doing?