Our nanny backed out of weekend care. Now what?

[Anonymous]

I never, ever, would insult our nanny like that. I would ask her if she needed help while we were away and trusted her response.

You not only screwed up your weekend away - you may have damaged your relationship with your nanny. You messed up BIG TIME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond weird. It must be full of nannies or something.

Nope. I'm a full time woh that didnt have a nanny when my kids were little and I'm 100% team nanny. This is about respecting a professional you have hired to perform a service.

+1. This is all about professional boundaries and respect.

[Anonymous]

I would have backed out as well, OP. How awkward would it be to spend four days with someone you don’t even know. No way would I do that. You’ll be lucky if your nanny doesn’t quit. I would be looking for a new job.

[Anonymous]

I would have (and have) structured this entirely differently. Nanny has set hours without grandma. Grandma does the overnights, and takes over so nanny can go home.

I did that to avoid massive amounts of OT pay.

[Anonymous]

I have an (amazing) nanny for my kids, and I think OP was 100% wrong. It's simply disrespectful to change the terms like that. Think about it. Nanny agreed to spend 3 days with kids. As their nanny, she already spends lots of time with them. They have their routines and dynamic. She'sthought about how she'll manage it - where they'll go, what they'll do, what they'll eat. She's also thinking that once she gets the kids down for bed, she gets some time to recharge. Now, without asking her, you've decided that she shall spend those 3 days living with your mother, who she probably does not know well. Would you want to live with a stranger for 3 days?

And now nanny is considering how all the plans may change. Is Grandma going to undermine her discipline? Will grandma insist on going to the zoo? Will grandma get snooty because you're ordering pizza 2 nights in a row? Will grandma talk her ear off? Will grandma want to sit in the living room and watch TV with her each night before kids go to sleep?

Also appalling is that this wasn't a quick decision on your part. You thought about it, talked to your DH, talked to your mom, and booked plane tickets ALL before talking to your nanny. Your nanny whom you were presumably seeing daily. WTH is that about?!? I mean, that's truly not normal, and I think your nanny is right to be upset and put off.

Also, I can't believe you're on DCUM asking for last minute care options for 3 days!! You would leave your kids with a stranger for 3 days?!

You're a mess. Cancel your trip, apologize profusely to your nanny, and get your head on straight.

[Anonymous]

I am not reading the pages before but OP-I’d be done with this nanny. She works for you-you set terms of her employment. You made decision (I fully support) that you believe an in-site back up support person was a good idea and who better than someone invested in everyone’s happiness than your mother. Again-your employee is fulfilling the needs you defined.

The nanny had no legitimate cause to feel undermined and just because she decided circumstances had changed and she could drop her long standing commitment at great cost and upheaval to others would be a firable offense in my book and there’d be no grace period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

I definitely didn’t mean to offend or upset my nanny. I trust her abilities and she’s been alone with all three many times and does well. I just had last minute jitters and feel more comfortable leaving my kids with two sets of hands instead of one. I sincerely thought nanny would be grateful for the help. Her pay stays the same but less work.

My kids are young. 7mo, 2.5 and 6. They’re a handful and I kept imagining scenerios where nanny would need help and quick. I agree, I should have consulted her first. That being said, I think in any job you have to be fairly flexible and know things aren’t always going to go your way. I guess I’m just disappointed in our nannies reaction. Very unexpected.

Also my mother is able bodied and sound of mind. She just gets overwhelmed with all three. My mother being present definitely doesn’t add to any duties the nanny has, just relieved her of many.

You changed the terms of the original agreement without consulting her. I'm sure you would love it if your boss did that to you. NO, you'd be on here complaining about your boss being sneaky and underhanded. That describes you, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond weird. It must be full of nannies or something.

Nope. I'm a full time woh that didnt have a nanny when my kids were little and I'm 100% team nanny. This is about respecting a professional you have hired to perform a service.

+1. This is all about professional boundaries and respect.

+2 (except, though I was never a nanny myself, I did have a nanny for my kids & would have never had done what OP did).

The first PP must either be a horrific boss to her nanny or someone who, unlike most of the posters on this thread, doesn’t get the fact that nannies are professionals who deserve to be treated with respect just like any other professionals.

[Anonymous]

Most people can watch their kids for three nights without needing help. I would have backed out if I were your nanny too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not reading the pages before but OP-I’d be done with this nanny. She works for you-you set terms of her employment. You made decision (I fully support) that you believe an in-site back up support person was a good idea and who better than someone invested in everyone’s happiness than your mother. Again-your employee is fulfilling the needs you defined.

The nanny had no legitimate cause to feel undermined and just because she decided circumstances had changed and she could drop her long standing commitment at great cost and upheaval to others would be a firable offense in my book and there’d be no grace period.

Sure. OP should immediately fire the nanny. She's already admitted that neither she nor her husband are capable of handling the kids, and her mother isn't either. OP should absolutely shoot herself in the foot and immediately get rid of the only competent care provider in these kids's lives!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just realized ages of children - 6m, 2.6 and 6. That is a lot of work for one person.

Op, I get you. Not sure why everyone is piling on you.

I had an infant, 5yo and 7yo when it was our 10y wedding anniversary. We did not go away. I wish we did.

I feel like our marriage often suffers because we always put kids first ALWAYS. You do you.

I would ask nanny to reconsider and cancel your moms flight with no refund.

Because she didn't consult the nanny first. Seriously, you really don't get this?

Yes, I get why she may think the nanny could use reinforcements. Her kids are quite young.

Obviously, in hindsight, it was a bad call.

I wrote upthread that we brought our nanny to help grandparents while we were away. The nanny was helping the grandparents, not the other way around. There was no confusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since nanny was #1 you should have asked her before inviting your mom.

Your mom can 100% cancel her flight.

This. I wouldn’t want to do it either if I were nanny. How weird and awkward.

+1. Why on Earth did you think your nanny would be cool with spending a 4 day weekend with YOUR MOM (a stranger?)? What did you imagine they'd do together?

The Nanny probably had the weekend planned out, or at least had a general idea of things. With your mom present, she would have to constantly tweak her plans and routine based on your mom's whims.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here-

I would decline as well. You changed the deal. The worst part of my job is a) when the parents are home b) when grandparents visit and not necessarily in that order. I’ve been with my nanny family 8 years and love them all, but no way would I stay over and work side by side with grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an (amazing) nanny for my kids, and I think OP was 100% wrong. It's simply disrespectful to change the terms like that. Think about it. Nanny agreed to spend 3 days with kids. As their nanny, she already spends lots of time with them. They have their routines and dynamic. She'sthought about how she'll manage it - where they'll go, what they'll do, what they'll eat. She's also thinking that once she gets the kids down for bed, she gets some time to recharge. Now, without asking her, you've decided that she shall spend those 3 days living with your mother, who she probably does not know well. Would you want to live with a stranger for 3 days?

And now nanny is considering how all the plans may change. Is Grandma going to undermine her discipline? Will grandma insist on going to the zoo? Will grandma get snooty because you're ordering pizza 2 nights in a row? Will grandma talk her ear off? Will grandma want to sit in the living room and watch TV with her each night before kids go to sleep?

Also appalling is that this wasn't a quick decision on your part. You thought about it, talked to your DH, talked to your mom, and booked plane tickets ALL before talking to your nanny. Your nanny whom you were presumably seeing daily. WTH is that about?!? I mean, that's truly not normal, and I think your nanny is right to be upset and put off.

Also, I can't believe you're on DCUM asking for last minute care options for 3 days!! You would leave your kids with a stranger for 3 days?!

You're a mess. Cancel your trip, apologize profusely to your nanny, and get your head on straight.

This post is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Meh, what if grandma just wanted to come for a weekend to spend time with the grandchildren suddenly she’s at the beck and call of the nanny? BS nanny is a stuck up employee who’s throwing a hissy fit without even trying to understand the parents decision. I didn’t realize the parents have to check with a stranger to have grandparents came over. PS I have a nanny who’d never pull this drama.