If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?

[Anonymous]

Don’t settle.
By that, I don’t mean to hold out for a rich supermodel. I mean don’t settle for someone who fundamentally conflicts with your most important beliefs, values or life goals. You will NOT be able to change the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will fall out of love with everyone.

It good to learn to be on your own bc by the time you figure out you WANT to be alone. It will be too late.

I wonder how much overlap there is between this mindset and that of the “don’t settle” posters. Because personally I’m glad I settled, but I had an incentive of missing that want to be alone mindset.

Can you elaborate on how you settled? Because there’s a difference in “settling” for a partner without an advanced degree - when that was on your list - and settling for a man who’s lazy, or dishonest, or untrue.

She wasn’t lazy.

[Anonymous]

Just because someone is married, or has been married for years, does not mean they know anything about having a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Stop putting women on a pedestal and then letting them walk all over you. You deserve to have your needs and feelings equally respected.

[Anonymous]

If you suspect your bi or even remotely want to bat for the other team, go all out before your vows so you don’t ponder on what it’s like to fall for the same sex. Suppressing the feelings is hard when you can’t help but be turned on by other women. If I would have had a passionate love affair with another woman prior to marrying, I don’t think I’d be as curious. That’s my take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you suspect your bi or even remotely want to bat for the other team, go all out before your vows so you don’t ponder on what it’s like to fall for the same sex. Suppressing the feelings is hard when you can’t help but be turned on by other women. If I would have had a passionate love affair with another woman prior to marrying, I don’t think I’d be as curious. That’s my take.

+1 using the guy as a sperm + asset donor is not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you suspect your bi or even remotely want to bat for the other team, go all out before your vows so you don’t ponder on what it’s like to fall for the same sex. Suppressing the feelings is hard when you can’t help but be turned on by other women. If I would have had a passionate love affair with another woman prior to marrying, I don’t think I’d be as curious. That’s my take.

+1 using the guy as a sperm + asset donor is not cool.

Like I said before, women marry men that they are not attracted to all the time.

[Anonymous]

Know that the first time you do anything is the hardest. The first serious relationship breakup I went through, I was devastated. Once I'd been through that one, they were never quite as difficult, because I'd been through one and survived, so I knew I could again.

I also made a better effort to stay engaged with my friends and hobbies, etc. In future relationships because I knew how much I missed them when that first one ended, and the reason they weren't there was because I'd neglected them for the relationship.

[Anonymous]

The minute the woman exhibits cray-cray, run from the relationship. You do not want to walk on eggshells for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Have more sex. Have lots of sex. I only slept with one guy before DH, and now the last 20 years I’ve had a grand total of 2 partners. I’m not saying sleep with someone new each week, but don’t be afraid to just put it out there and have more sex before you settle down. I wish I had.

[Anonymous]

Hook up with as many girls as you can. Have sex for sex sake. - don’t worry about having a relationship. You may hurt their feelings a little - but they play games as well.

[Anonymous]

Hurt, insecure people do hurtful things. And their projections have nothing to do with you. Don’t take responsibility for someone else’s response. Inform yourself with why “failures” aren’t compatible. empower yourself with qualities that sustain you without another person’s contributions. carry on until you cross paths with someone who has been in a similar or complimentary journey. And if the spark you have with that person causes no harm, try to build a fire that will last for generations. .

[Anonymous]

Don’t ignore differences in sex drive.

[Anonymous]

OK, OK, I will confess. I would have lost my virginity to my DH the first time we got the opportunity, instead of waiting for my wedding night. So many prime sexual years wasted on morality and fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College years are your best time to date and meet a variety of guys. Do not be so focused on studies you forget about romance. You’ll be 30 and regret it.
Also don’t be scared to ask a guy out.

The vast majority (~80%) of people I know who married the partners in college got divorced in their 30s. The only thing they regret is marrying so young. That's one thing I got right when I was younger (not marrying at that age).

I had a teen pregnancy, got married at 22 to same guy and STILL married today in mid 30's happily. Both of my relatives that married in late 30's, early 40's are both divorced.