If you are a housewife, how much does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

I was recently on another forum (baby forum) and was shocked as most women ther SAHM on 50-70k a year. It’s like Two different worlds with DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don't assume that being a "housewife" is always a "choice." There are many of us who made an initial choice to take care of the kids full time, then when we wanted to go back to work, there was a recession and even past the recession, no one will hire us. Doesn't matter that you are a capable person. Doesn't matter that you have an advanced degree. In some ways, I understand that an employer will favor a person with recent experience over someone with past experience.

But, after a certain number of years (and I don't mean 20), the work world just doesn't want women who have been out of the workforce. We smile and pretend it is our "choice," but that's a cover for the fact that we have been rejected literally hundreds of times.

speak for yourself. Where I live (Manhattan suburbs), few women work and that's because all their husbands earn millions of dollars in finance.

When people don't need the money and even an extra $60k wouldn't make a difference in their lifestyle, they usually choose not to work.

You're not very bright, are you?

The millionaire husband doesn't change the fact that nobody is going to hire these women, whether they want to work or not.

Not you are not that bright. The point is, these women are not even looking for a job. The thought hasn't crossed their minds in YEARS. They're sitting on millions of dollars. Why would they slave away for no reason?

The reason I work is to contribute to society, to be productive, to have a more equal relationship with my husband, to not be financially dependent, to be a good role model for my daughter and sons, to learn new things everyday, to be challenged, to be part of a team, because I have a strong work ethic, because it gives me a life outside my role as a mother and wife. These are just some of the reasons.

This.

Once again you can do all of that absent financial independence without a paying job. (Depending on savings and family money, you might have financial independence as well.)

If you have a strong work ethic you are not a SAHM or you have extremely extenuating circumstances. Why is that so hard to admit?

PP here with the DH who makes 2.5 million. My first gut reaction was to take offense to this comment, but upon reflection I think you are right. The fact is, the majority of people work to make money. Do they enjoy work? Perhaps, if they are lucky, but the endgame is more money, security, better lifestyle, etc. I suppose if I had a crazy strong work ethic I would be back at work without regard to the salary (or the fact that it wouldn't affect our lifestyle), but there's nothing I love so much that I'm willing to work so hard just for the sake of it. It's an interesting thing to think about. The fact is, I didn't love my career before I quit to stay at home. Perhaps if I had I'd feel differently. That being said, I am well educated with several advanced degrees from Ivy League institutions. I don't consider my education to be a "waste." As opposed to working, I do like learning for the sake of learning. I am an educated, intelligent citizen and that's not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

290K HHI, 3 kids, both spouses work (DH 175K/DW 115K). I would say 350K would be our sweet spot for me to SAHM, but I would lose my mind being home with two kids. HA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't assume that being a "housewife" is always a "choice." There are many of us who made an initial choice to take care of the kids full time, then when we wanted to go back to work, there was a recession and even past the recession, no one will hire us. Doesn't matter that you are a capable person. Doesn't matter that you have an advanced degree. In some ways, I understand that an employer will favor a person with recent experience over someone with past experience.

But, after a certain number of years (and I don't mean 20), the work world just doesn't want women who have been out of the workforce. We smile and pretend it is our "choice," but that's a cover for the fact that we have been rejected literally hundreds of times.

speak for yourself. Where I live (Manhattan suburbs), few women work and that's because all their husbands earn millions of dollars in finance.

When people don't need the money and even an extra $60k wouldn't make a difference in their lifestyle, they usually choose not to work.

You're not very bright, are you?

The millionaire husband doesn't change the fact that nobody is going to hire these women, whether they want to work or not.

Not you are not that bright. The point is, these women are not even looking for a job. The thought hasn't crossed their minds in YEARS. They're sitting on millions of dollars. Why would they slave away for no reason?

The reason I work is to contribute to society, to be productive, to have a more equal relationship with my husband, to not be financially dependent, to be a good role model for my daughter and sons, to learn new things everyday, to be challenged, to be part of a team, because I have a strong work ethic, because it gives me a life outside my role as a mother and wife. These are just some of the reasons.

This.

Once again you can do all of that absent financial independence without a paying job. (Depending on savings and family money, you might have financial independence as well.)

If you have a strong work ethic you are not a SAHM or you have extremely extenuating circumstances. Why is that so hard to admit?

PP here with the DH who makes 2.5 million. My first gut reaction was to take offense to this comment, but upon reflection I think you are right. The fact is, the majority of people work to make money. Do they enjoy work? Perhaps, if they are lucky, but the endgame is more money, security, better lifestyle, etc. I suppose if I had a crazy strong work ethic I would be back at work without regard to the salary (or the fact that it wouldn't affect our lifestyle), but there's nothing I love so much that I'm willing to work so hard just for the sake of it. It's an interesting thing to think about. The fact is, I didn't love my career before I quit to stay at home. Perhaps if I had I'd feel differently. That being said, I am well educated with several advanced degrees from Ivy League institutions. I don't consider my education to be a "waste." As opposed to working, I do like learning for the sake of learning. I am an educated, intelligent citizen and that's not a bad thing.

I could have written this! Though my DH doesn't make quite as much.

I used to be an academic, and I received my doctorate from an Ivy. I now SAH, but there's no question I'm just as intellectually engaged in the world of ideas, and have written and published since quitting my job - but I (obviously) don't teach. Does that mean I don't have a work ethic? Do academics lack a work ethic because they get to spend the majority of their time reading and writing and "thinking"? And by extension, perhaps anyone with a measly office job lacks a work ethic - after all, the real labor is done by the working class, farmers, migrant workers, etc., many of whom genuinely do think that the average middle-class office worker has NO IDEA what a day of HARD work is truly like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't assume that being a "housewife" is always a "choice." There are many of us who made an initial choice to take care of the kids full time, then when we wanted to go back to work, there was a recession and even past the recession, no one will hire us. Doesn't matter that you are a capable person. Doesn't matter that you have an advanced degree. In some ways, I understand that an employer will favor a person with recent experience over someone with past experience.

But, after a certain number of years (and I don't mean 20), the work world just doesn't want women who have been out of the workforce. We smile and pretend it is our "choice," but that's a cover for the fact that we have been rejected literally hundreds of times.

speak for yourself. Where I live (Manhattan suburbs), few women work and that's because all their husbands earn millions of dollars in finance.

When people don't need the money and even an extra $60k wouldn't make a difference in their lifestyle, they usually choose not to work.

You're not very bright, are you?

The millionaire husband doesn't change the fact that nobody is going to hire these women, whether they want to work or not.

Not you are not that bright. The point is, these women are not even looking for a job. The thought hasn't crossed their minds in YEARS. They're sitting on millions of dollars. Why would they slave away for no reason?

The reason I work is to contribute to society, to be productive, to have a more equal relationship with my husband, to not be financially dependent, to be a good role model for my daughter and sons, to learn new things everyday, to be challenged, to be part of a team, because I have a strong work ethic, because it gives me a life outside my role as a mother and wife. These are just some of the reasons.

This.

Once again you can do all of that absent financial independence without a paying job. (Depending on savings and family money, you might have financial independence as well.)

If you have a strong work ethic you are not a SAHM or you have extremely extenuating circumstances. Why is that so hard to admit?

PP here with the DH who makes 2.5 million. My first gut reaction was to take offense to this comment, but upon reflection I think you are right. The fact is, the majority of people work to make money. Do they enjoy work? Perhaps, if they are lucky, but the endgame is more money, security, better lifestyle, etc. I suppose if I had a crazy strong work ethic I would be back at work without regard to the salary (or the fact that it wouldn't affect our lifestyle), but there's nothing I love so much that I'm willing to work so hard just for the sake of it. It's an interesting thing to think about. The fact is, I didn't love my career before I quit to stay at home. Perhaps if I had I'd feel differently. That being said, I am well educated with several advanced degrees from Ivy League institutions. I don't consider my education to be a "waste." As opposed to working, I do like learning for the sake of learning. I am an educated, intelligent citizen and that's not a bad thing.

PP who posted the above and thank you for understanding what I was getting at.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes about 3 million, and we have other investments/accounts that make income. I have SAH for 9 years now. I am highly educated with a BA, MBA and JD. People can judge all they want, I don’t care and it says more about them than me. I am very happy. My marriage is very happy. My kids are very happy.

[Anonymous]

Wow at the mommy wars? OP asked a simple question for women who don’t work outside the home. I’m a 100% WOHM, and I see no issues when one spouse or parent wants to stay home. Whether it is to raise a family, care for elderly family members, or just not participate in the workforce what is it to me? To each their own. Can’t we each agree to he fact that every situation is different and every family does what works best for their particular circumstance? What if my neighbor receives a 7 figure inheritance? She doesn’t owe me any explanation if she suddenly terminates her employment.

Recently someone who was considered very good in her day approached me recently about a position announcement. She’d been out of the career field for 15yrs to raise a family. While I respect her choice, she wouldn’t be very competitive. I had to tell her she could apply, but would have to start at a much lower level than she initially asked about. I had doubt she would even be selected for an interview. Ultimately she decided to pass, but I was thankful it was her decision. She was good at the profession in her day, but she had been away far too long to be competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes about $250,000. Our kids are grown. I have been at home for 26 years. No plans to work outside the home.

What about after you divorce?

^^ Why such a nasty and bitchy comment? Very low class!

[Anonymous]

My DH makes 350K. Youngest kid is in HS. I have been a SAHM for 18 years. I have no plans for going back to work for another 3-4 years, but when I become an empty nester, I might want to work to pass the time. Really, who really knows?

[Anonymous]

I have realized that the really average things in life is not very average at all. I have had a blissfully average life. My parents were middle class and devoted to each other, As a result I had an average drama free childhood in an intact home. There was no affairs. no divorce, no domestic vil=olence, no addiction, no abuse. I have two siblings who I was close to and continue to be close to. Again, typical aveargae sibling interaction. There was no childhood disease and mentally and physically all of us were in good health.

Then I went to college and met my DH, Got my degree, went on to do my masters, got a job, and got married. Again, no drama. DH and I were each other's first love. No prior relationships, no catching STD, no pregnancies before marriage, not a single mom - single dad situation, no hooloing up with other people. We had a straight forward, drama free, boring average relationship with no baggage.

DH and I, started with a low pay making around 80K, with both of us working in average companies in corporate America. There was nothing immoral or controversial about the products or the companies. It was not guns, or cancer drugs, or Fox News. Neither of us had student debt because our parents paid for our college. We got pregnant easily with both of our kids, I left my job to raise them, bought a nice SFH at the bottom of the market in an average area. Both my kids were healthy. We did not have to pay for IVF or struggle with infertility. Our kids were healthy so we did not have to endure all that special ed parents endure. An average family with average kids. Nothing special about us.

My relationship with my ILs and Parents is average. We all get along and their is no drama. We are not in any consumer debt because we are also careful and frugal, like our parents were. We wear average clothing from stores like Kohls and Macys, we go on average vacations in the US and sometimes abroad, staying in average hotels and not flying business class. We drive average mid-range cars that we keep for 10 years or more. My kids go to public schools in magnet programs because they work hard. They have good academic records but have average EC activities. They will go for STEM careers and we will help them with college just the way our middle class parents did. An average drama free college education. They will aim for State colleges so that they can maximize their education dollars.

And I have realized that my average life of having intact, loving, functional families; a middle class HHI with no debt; a SFH in an affordable locatity; healthy kids; happy marriage; a college education; good health; being able to SAHM; good medical insurance; being able to fund my kids college and our retirement - all of this is exactly what the people are striving for. I have an average life and that makes me very blessed.

I am sure there are people with millions and there will never be a day when I want to be in their shoes. I am very satisfied with my very average life because this is not a life that everyone can get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many couples do you know who don't have kids and the wife doesn't work? They're obviously out there, but this seems like a real outlier situation. I know tons of DINKS. No stay at home wives.

You must not live in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, Potomac, McLean, Great Falls, or the very ritzy sections of DC.

I have lived in Chevy Chase nearly my entire life. I know plenty of SAHMs but I know zero couples here in which the wife didn’t work before there were kids. The one couple I have ever met who was like this, the guy worked in NYC in finance and they lived somewhere in north Jersey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was recently on another forum (baby forum) and was shocked as most women ther SAHM on 50-70k a year. It’s like Two different worlds with DCUM.

Yea, well that is your average idiot American for you. These are probably the same people who couldn't tell you who the Secretary of State is or which continent Australia is on.

[Anonymous]

My husband makes around 400K a year, I have three kids now 11-18 and have not worked since first one was born.

Pretty much when kids were younger 100K was "break even" to work with child care, commute, lunches at work and I made only 61K. So I could not afford to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have realized that the really average things in life is not very average at all. I have had a blissfully average life. My parents were middle class and devoted to each other, As a result I had an average drama free childhood in an intact home. There was no affairs. no divorce, no domestic vil=olence, no addiction, no abuse. I have two siblings who I was close to and continue to be close to. Again, typical aveargae sibling interaction. There was no childhood disease and mentally and physically all of us were in good health.

Then I went to college and met my DH, Got my degree, went on to do my masters, got a job, and got married. Again, no drama. DH and I were each other's first love. No prior relationships, no catching STD, no pregnancies before marriage, not a single mom - single dad situation, no hooloing up with other people. We had a straight forward, drama free, boring average relationship with no baggage.

DH and I, started with a low pay making around 80K, with both of us working in average companies in corporate America. There was nothing immoral or controversial about the products or the companies. It was not guns, or cancer drugs, or Fox News. Neither of us had student debt because our parents paid for our college. We got pregnant easily with both of our kids, I left my job to raise them, bought a nice SFH at the bottom of the market in an average area. Both my kids were healthy. We did not have to pay for IVF or struggle with infertility. Our kids were healthy so we did not have to endure all that special ed parents endure. An average family with average kids. Nothing special about us.

My relationship with my ILs and Parents is average. We all get along and their is no drama. We are not in any consumer debt because we are also careful and frugal, like our parents were. We wear average clothing from stores like Kohls and Macys, we go on average vacations in the US and sometimes abroad, staying in average hotels and not flying business class. We drive average mid-range cars that we keep for 10 years or more. My kids go to public schools in magnet programs because they work hard. They have good academic records but have average EC activities. They will go for STEM careers and we will help them with college just the way our middle class parents did. An average drama free college education. They will aim for State colleges so that they can maximize their education dollars.

And I have realized that my average life of having intact, loving, functional families; a middle class HHI with no debt; a SFH in an affordable locatity; healthy kids; happy marriage; a college education; good health; being able to SAHM; good medical insurance; being able to fund my kids college and our retirement - all of this is exactly what the people are striving for. I have an average life and that makes me very blessed.

I am sure there are people with millions and there will never be a day when I want to be in their shoes. I am very satisfied with my very average life because this is not a life that everyone can get.

I guess you must be average looking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes around 400K a year, I have three kids now 11-18 and have not worked since first one was born.

Pretty much when kids were younger 100K was "break even" to work with child care, commute, lunches at work and I made only 61K. So I could not afford to work.

Why does only your salary count towards childcare??

You don’t have to limit yourself to having children and staying home.