Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I agree with you. I think OP over reacted. Pushing him and yelling at him? Way to cause a scene and probably not be invited to future parties.

Invited to future parties where a grown man may grab and threaten my daughter?!? I'd rather stay home and watch netflix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly op...
I think you would be feeling so much worse right now if you had reacted less forcefully.
Yes it sucks, but you were right and he needed to have his hands off your daughter immediately.

This. If you had to err on one side or the other, I think in this case, its better to have erred by overreacting rather than underreacting. You modeled a good boundary for your daughter.

I agree. OP would feel badly either way. The only person at fault here is the guy who grabbed your DD. And men should be scared as hell to grab children without their consent.

Tell your DD none of this was her fault.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the movie "A Time to Kill." When we see our kid was in distress, we tend to act differently than people who stand outside and think "it's not my kid, he's overreacting."

Don't question yourself, OP. You did great. If the guy just accosted her and not grabbed her arms, then you can tell him to go away. But when a stranger physically restrained your kid, it's time for action.

Proud of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to protect your daughter from an adult man who was trying to get her to dance. You haven’t answered the question on what type of dance. Was he trying to get her to join everyone in a group electric slide? Chicken dance? This is different than trying to dance with her one on one.

How different is it really? He grabbed her and said he wouldn't let go until she danced. Unacceptable no matter what kind of dance.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. What grown man does this? Drunk is not an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, folks. When you don’t respect a girl’s autonomy, and when you defend a strange man for grabbing her arm and trying to force her to dance, you’re part of the problem. It’s astonishing that people keep making excuses for him.

Girls aren’t here to please and placate drunk men or sober men. Jesus Christ.

+1 million times THIS! It blows my mind that people are defending him! WTF?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. What grown man does this? Drunk is not an excuse.

YES!! And perhaps the aggressor fell because he's a stumbling drunkard who couldn't stay on his feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You showed your daughter that you are willing to stand up for her and that no means no.

FFS-If more men stepped up when women were being harrassed we wouldn't need a #metoo movement.

It seriously would have even better if the mom had roughed the guy up.

It’s super strange that a man would have behaved this way right in front of a girls’ father. OP maybe you need to stop giving off ‘I’m a wuss’ vibes?
Men are quite useful to a family or group in that their presence typically keeps other men in line (sorry guys but some of you are savages). Do you realize that? This is one of your unspoken jobs. Don’t be sorry for doing it.

Or was this guy just really messed up? That this man would act this way right in front of you honestly sounds like a dangerous situation.

OP said he didn’t know the guy. We can assume that the guy didn’t know OP was the girl’s father.

[Anonymous]

One think no seems concerned about is how your daughter feels about the situation. Have you talked to her about it? Does she think you over-reacted? Have you brainstormed what she should do when she gets into a similar situation again and you’re not around to protect her?

[Anonymous]

The invitation to dance may have been ok, depending on the context. The grabbing her was battery and he would be dead now if I witnessed this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. What grown man does this? Drunk is not an excuse.

YES!! And perhaps the aggressor fell because he's a stumbling drunkard who couldn't stay on his feet.

Yes. And in the trickle of details OP said the guy was crouched down on the floor while his daughter was sitting in an armchair. It's easy to lose your balance in that position, and it's not like the guy went from standing to sprawled out on the floor. (Still not sure why OP won't just tell the whole story, start to finish, since anybody at the party on these boards will immediately recognize the story anyway. But whatever).

And for those of you who feel it was an "over reaction", and/or are referencing the people at the party who thought it was an over reaction, the problem is that you are assimilated to society where it is normal to protect harassers and abusers from the consequences of their behavior by pretending what the woman or girl endured was normal or unimportant.

[Anonymous]

Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.

While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.

Long story short... I completely lost it.

Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?

You were totally, totally correct. Good job mamma bear! No drunken stranger is going to touch my kid after she said no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One think no seems concerned about is how your daughter feels about the situation. Have you talked to her about it? Does she think you over-reacted? Have you brainstormed what she should do when she gets into a similar situation again and you’re not around to protect her?

It's good to talk about the situation, brain storm for next time, see how she feels, etc. However, I wouldn't necessarily agree that OP overreacted because the daughter thinks so or is embarrassed. Lots of young girls are willing to go along, contort themselves not to make a scene, when making a scene and standing up for yourself is the better approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.

While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.

Well read the original post again. This ain't no drunken uncle of yours but a guy OP doesn't know.