Anyone else HATE having people to their home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

It's your DH's best friend at work and you are this PETTY counting the visits? What a shame.

I'm not understanding your criticism...we've entertained them formally three times and numerous times for more informal visits. In 20+ years of friendship, they've never had us over. Not once. Am I to continue extending hospitality to them indefinitely? Sorry, I have other people I like just as well that I'd rather invest that time and effort on.

It's funny. DH and I have a family we LOVE that never have anyone to their home. But- they have huge hearts and are generous in every other way. We invite them over a lot and I've never stopped to think I should cut them off.

If you don't really like them then I get it--but for really good friends there is zero tally on my part.

A) you're talking about family and B) they are generous in every other way. This couple is not generous.

[Anonymous]

If people are running a tally, I don't want them as friends.

[Anonymous]

We have a neighbor we really like, but she is a hoarder, so we always have her over, but she never has us over. It's OK. She brings us nice treats and takes care of our plants when we go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people are running a tally, I don't want them as friends.

No sweat. I have plenty of friends willing to remember if they owe me or I owe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people are running a tally, I don't want them as friends.

No sweat. I have plenty of friends willing to remember if they owe me or I owe them.

Ewwww. If it boils down keeping track of who "owes" who, it can't be much of a friendship. I hate entertaining in my home, but am happy to organize meals out and I pick up the tab. Id hope that passes muster, but if not, adios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

It's your DH's best friend at work and you are this PETTY counting the visits? What a shame.

I'm not understanding your criticism...we've entertained them formally three times and numerous times for more informal visits. In 20+ years of friendship, they've never had us over. Not once. Am I to continue extending hospitality to them indefinitely? Sorry, I have other people I like just as well that I'd rather invest that time and effort on.

It's funny. DH and I have a family we LOVE that never have anyone to their home. But- they have huge hearts and are generous in every other way. We invite them over a lot and I've never stopped to think I should cut them off.

If you don't really like them then I get it--but for really good friends there is zero tally on my part.

A) you're talking about family and B) they are generous in every other way. This couple is not generous.

No. They are not OUR family. But if you don't like them that much- I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

It's your DH's best friend at work and you are this PETTY counting the visits? What a shame.

I'm not understanding your criticism...we've entertained them formally three times and numerous times for more informal visits. In 20+ years of friendship, they've never had us over. Not once. Am I to continue extending hospitality to them indefinitely? Sorry, I have other people I like just as well that I'd rather invest that time and effort on.

It's funny. DH and I have a family we LOVE that never have anyone to their home. But- they have huge hearts and are generous in every other way. We invite them over a lot and I've never stopped to think I should cut them off.

If you don't really like them then I get it--but for really good friends there is zero tally on my part.

A) you're talking about family and B) they are generous in every other way. This couple is not generous.

So why are you chiming in? this is not about people being bad friends. It is about FRIENDS not inviting people over ever and those of us who don't use invites as currency that buys friends.

You can be a horrible friend and still invite each other equally. You can be a wonderful friend and never have people over.

I personally think it is gross to judge someone because they are insecure about the size of their house. There is one thing I know, those "friends" of yours are not missing out on a damn thing with you. The more you respond, the worse you sound.

[Anonymous]

I hate hosting period. I enjoy visiting others. I live in a rural area so I enjoy it more to get out of the house. i cook all week do i really don't enjoy cooking for others and most of the people we know have 2+ kids. I am one of those who don't like kids tearing up my house going in our bedrooms touching my things. in the past we have had people over it was a disaster between drunk people kids trashing my sons room breaking his toys, a gun being pulled out, sister in law showing up drugged out of her mind at my sons birthday party. Rather go visit than hosting.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy hosting people at my home. I keep it clean on a daily basis, so I don't really worry about cleanliness. I have a child, so of course there will be some things not put away...but it is far from being messy.

What I don't like is hosting people that stay with me (beyond my childhood friends from out of state). But when mom, dad, grandma, etc. comes to town I dread it.

[Anonymous]

I feel anxious about it but i certainly don't hate it. We always end up having a great time. It's more of the anxiety leading up to it that's the issue.

[Anonymous]

We have a beautiful home but I get too anxious and overwhelmed having people here. No one knows this about me. I'm super friendly and easy going but I seriously get hives at having guests. Part of it is, while we have a young child, he's good and knows our rules. I don't want my house destroyed and I don't want to have to worry about kids and adults all getting along. Stressful, to me.

[Anonymous]

Today I hardly cleaned, shoved all our crap in a room upstairs, and asked everyone to bring food. I got drinks and ice and it was the best party we've ever had!!! I was determined not to stress, cook or clean but just enjoy our friends. Everyone wants to feel liked and welcome...just try to make people feel welcome and don't worry about the rest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today, I finally admitted to myself that I HATE having people over to my home. I am a very social person and love getting together with friends, but I become so anxious when anyone visits - is my house clean enough? What will we eat? How does the lawn look? Will people notice the crappy paint job in the living room? Should we eat outside or inside? Where should I put the crudites? Etc. etc. I find myself secretly hoping that people will cancel on us after we invite them over. I dread the visits for days beforehand. Anyone else like this? How do you deal? I am an anxious person by nature and I care too much what people think about me, I need to get over it! Our friends have had to invite themselves over in order to meet our now-several-months-old baby.

Ugh! This is so me, and I'm not proud of it

[Anonymous]

You know, I have these anxieties, too. But the thing is, when I go to others for dinner or parties, I realize I never inspect their homes or the way they set up the food and drinks all that closely. So I always tell myself, it must be the same the other way around, and that helps to realize we're all just there for the company. It's the conversations that I come away remembering, not how put together the house is. Well on occasion we go to a house that is so spectacular that I do feel a bit intimidated, but usually that's someone who has a decade or more on me so I figure they've had time to get the right furnishings and art works. I think especially if you have young kids people give you a pass for how your house looks. At least I do.

[Anonymous]

I am much better and found it has a lot to do with the type of guests.

We now have a circle we know so well that I don't obsess about details or somebody is going to judge. We also redid our patio and having kids able to run around outdoors has helped tremendously.

We have a few friends that we don't see as much anymore. The wife always makes everyone feel uncomfortable because she judges everything--and makes comments on it.