Anyone else HATE having people to their home?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Today, I finally admitted to myself that I HATE having people over to my home. I am a very social person and love getting together with friends, but I become so anxious when anyone visits - is my house clean enough? What will we eat? How does the lawn look? Will people notice the crappy paint job in the living room? Should we eat outside or inside? Where should I put the crudites? Etc. etc. I find myself secretly hoping that people will cancel on us after we invite them over. I dread the visits for days beforehand. Anyone else like this? How do you deal? I am an anxious person by nature and I care too much what people think about me, I need to get over it! Our friends have had to invite themselves over in order to meet our now-several-months-old baby. |
Anonymous
| I hate it as well, HATE IT. And DH tells me I am a bitch about it. We have a small house that is being worked on, three kids, a dog, etc. I HATE having people here. My SIL who has a HUGE house with rooms for entertaining also hates it. |
Anonymous
|
OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.
Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for the advice, that's a really good point. I like people best when they come by their flaws honestly, so I don't know why I feel the need to look perfect! |
Anonymous
|
I hate it too but not bc of the reasons you mentioned above but with 2 kids that are all over the place - I can never focus on my guests and have the gathering that I envision when I made the plans. They are sooo chaotic with noise and the kids take up too much of my attention to enjoy anyone else anymore. Please tell me this gets better over time bc I truly do enjoy entertaining - but not since kids.
I dont mind playdates that are 1-2 hours where it is structured play and our focus is on that - but anything more than that I start having a meltdown with all the kids. |
Anonymous
| hell, if you went to a party would you criticize everything you saw? if so, you are horrible. lighten up. no biggie. |
Anonymous
Friends are the people who know us for who we are and love us anyway!  Seriously, I bet your friends don't care about that stuff. They're just glad to be spending time with you!
|
Anonymous
| OP - I dread having people over I don't know well - because then I do fear they are judging my house. But with good friends, I don't worry. |
Anonymous
| Me too! At least is a good excuse to clean the house top to bottom (to me). |
Anonymous
|
I heard a quote that said something like:
If you want to see me, come over any time. If you want to see my house, give me a few days notice. So true! |
Anonymous
|
Dh hates it-I love it. I love the whole party planning aspect of it. I really think it is my true calling! lol
That being said, it is what it is. My house is not perfect. In all honesty, probably never will be. But, oh well. I have people over because I enjoy their company and vice versa. Take a deep breath, relax. NO one truly cares about the placement of the crudites! Believe me! Calm down and relax a bit-I am sure you would enjoy yourself a lot more! |
Anonymous
| We love to entertain and our house is definitely in need of some sprucing up (even though it's a comfortable house), but we love to cook and always have good food and good drink, and in the end, that's what people enjoy (plus good company, of course). I have friends with perfect houses, but they're not that hospitable -- they just don't seem to make much of an effort to make their guests feel comfortable and the food is skimpy. Believe me, just provide good refreshments and conversation and everyone will have fun! |
Anonymous
|
I love anyone's house, as long as the dishes we eat from are clean. Really, it can't be THAT bad, can it?!?!? My MIL is an absolute slob and is quick to criticize neat people because she's insecure and lazy. She can manage to travel around the world at her whim, but can't manage to find the vacuum. Gross! So, I wouldn't be quick to judge neat people, or you'll make people suspicious.... A good time is with good company, plenty of good food, and the t.v. off (MIL, are you reading this?!?!) Make it simple. But really, everyone is going through an ongoing "project" of one sort or another. And if they are overly critical, you don't want a repeat visit from them. Relax, don't think about it too much, make sure everyone is well fed (even if it's via potluck), and have fun! |
Anonymous
| My problem is the opposite! I always worry that people will not show up. I would love to have people over more but I always feel judged and that people do not come because they want to spent time with me but to gossip and judge me. |
Anonymous
| I don't hate having people over. What I hate is having to prepare the house before people come over, so you aren't alone OP. |