Anyone else HATE having people to their home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are extroverts and there are introverts. In general introverts have a hard time inviting people over. I get majorly anxious and stress for WEEKS. It's not worth it. If everyone in my life decided not to invite me then I guess I wouldn't have any friends. Thankfully those closest to me accept me, for me. I don't expect to have myself and my family fed all the time. I bring food over as well. But I just don't like hosting. At this point in my life....or maybe it's just my personality now....it's just not worth the massive amount of stress it brings. People can say over and over "who cares! have people over." They don't get it. This isn't something I can control. It's just who I am. I'm not sure why this is so offensive to people.

+1. Same. Hate it.

[Anonymous]

I do stress about the cleaning part, but I have entertained enough that I now have a formula on how to host different kind of groups. Also I have my house set for entertaining, my support staff, my menus, my suppliers, my timetable and everything you could need to throw a nice party. I approach it as an event planner.

In my circles, you give out the invite around 6 weeks before the event. The biggest problem is sprucing up the home and yard. But, man, bless the stress!!! I have a house, a family, friends and financial capacity to host. Is it hard work? Yes. Absolutely.

I also have tips and tricks and a checklist. A lot of work goes into hosting but it can be done in a systematic manner and the tasks can be broken down.

[Anonymous]

I like to host larger groups of people because then food is served buffet style and people talk to each other. We have our basement set with a bar, dance floor, poker table, billiards, big TV, karoke etc. Which means that any kind of get together can easily be hosted.

The sit down dinners are usually hosted for family. And very close friends.

[Anonymous]

Our house is ALWAYS spotlessly clean and we have plenty of good booze (and good coffee and tea). The people with anxiety sound like slobs and/or insecure about their house being downscale vis a vis the company.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws put on the anxiety charade, too, but the reality is they're stingy penny pinchers who obsess over the money it costs for alcohol and food, even for a small gathering.

[Anonymous]

I'm the Martha Stewart of hosting, have the house for it and make it a bit too comfortable and never intimidating. I can make a pizza night feel down to earth yet indulgent. It's all about presentation. But, I've done it so much that I'm bored being at my home. I've scaled back. Now, I get more excited when we're invited anywhere and I never judge the hosts or they're homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do stress about the cleaning part, but I have entertained enough that I now have a formula on how to host different kind of groups. Also I have my house set for entertaining, my support staff, my menus, my suppliers, my timetable and everything you could need to throw a nice party. I approach it as an event planner.

In my circles, you give out the invite around 6 weeks before the event. The biggest problem is sprucing up the home and yard. But, man, bless the stress!!! I have a house, a family, friends and financial capacity to host. Is it hard work? Yes. Absolutely.

I also have tips and tricks and a checklist. A lot of work goes into hosting but it can be done in a systematic manner and the tasks can be broken down.

Do share more. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our house is ALWAYS spotlessly clean and we have plenty of good booze (and good coffee and tea). The people with anxiety sound like slobs and/or insecure about their house being downscale vis a vis the company.

How do you keep your home this way? I’m a neat freak and even my home isn’t as tidy as I would like for it to be. There’s always dust building up somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the Martha Stewart of hosting, have the house for it and make it a bit too comfortable and never intimidating. I can make a pizza night feel down to earth yet indulgent. It's all about presentation. But, I've done it so much that I'm bored being at my home. I've scaled back. Now, I get more excited when we're invited anywhere and I never judge the hosts or they're homes.

How do you pull this off and do you find that people are intimidated to invite you to their place if they aren’t pulling out all the stops like you are.

[Anonymous]

I used to love hosting when my kids were younger and things were easier (the preschool years). When my kids were under age 4 and my life was more together all the time, we would entertain often--yearly family Halloween party, yearly 4th of July BBQ, families over for brunch twice a month, tons of playdates, lots of family friendly dinners, etc. We'd have people over at least twice a month, and then a large group (15 or 20) for the larger events. I enjoyed hosting and was good at it, and I thought I was helping to build our community when I was hosting and entertaining (we have no local family). I'd put together really nice Sunday brunches--simple, but nice, and have a few families over twice a month. I'd spend all Saturday cleaning and shopping and Sunday would be the brunch. I'd put out a nice assortment of bagels, muffins, fruit salad, a breakfast casserole, yogurt parfeits, etc. and people would always come over and have a nice time but never invited us to their house--or to do anything.

Then when my oldest turned 5 things started getting harder (I feel that the older my kids get the more challenging they are--little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems sort of thing). My life started to feel like one stressful situation after another (oldest was having problems in Kindergarten, got an ADHD diagnosis; younger one was diagnosed with an unusual health condition, etc.) and I no longer had the energy or enthusiasm for hosting. I also realized that people were barely ever reciprocating and that annoyed me. I felt resentful that I was hosting all the time and that we barely got invited anywhere.

So this year (starting this past summer) DH and I decided we would not do any entertaining all year except the occasional afternoon playdate (maybe every other month) and the kids' birthday parties.

I wonder if people wonder why we don't invite them over anymore.

I must say I prefer this lack of hosting to when we hosted all the time.

[Anonymous]

^^They probably don’t wonder. I’m too busy for such ruminations. If you want to host, host. If you don’t, don’t.

-Frequent host

[Anonymous]

So you were hosting because you needed something (a community) and then resented others without those same needs and social drivers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

You're the best kind of friend to have!

[Anonymous]

I’m an introvert but I like hosting. We have a nice basement bar. It’s usually my husband’s friends (who I like very much and hang out with too) so if I get tired I can just go right up to bed, lol.

[Anonymous]

I am an introvert but I love entertaining guests. I prefer home gatherings because they tend to be kid friendly which means we can get together more often. It's also something about having people over that just makes a house feel more homey to me.

However, I grew up in a household that was the exact opposite. We rarely ever had guests because my parents were embarrassed about our house.