Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

[Anonymous]

Sounds super fun!

[Anonymous]

Calling them virgin drinks implies they are alcoholic beverages with the alcohol left out. In reality, yes hey are just smoothies but the use of language and cups is playing at drinking alcohol. And yes, pretending to smoke or drink isn't all that atypical for teens but I find it odd for an adult to promote it. Same as if they gave them virgin cannabis or Virginia cigarettes - just for fun with no actual pot or tobacco in them, they could just pretend. Kids get into that stuff enough on their own without parents making it a fun activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calling them virgin drinks implies they are alcoholic beverages with the alcohol left out. In reality, yes hey are just smoothies but the use of language and cups is playing at drinking alcohol. And yes, pretending to smoke or drink isn't all that atypical for teens but I find it odd for an adult to promote it. Same as if they gave them virgin cannabis or Virginia cigarettes - just for fun with no actual pot or tobacco in them, they could just pretend. Kids get into that stuff enough on their own without parents making it a fun activity.

Puh-lease. This is ridiculous. Drinking out of fancy cup is fun. We've always done it with our kids (I even made 'jeweled' cups for an Indiana Jones themed birthday party) and calling a drink 'virgin' in no way pretending to drink an alcoholic beverage. It's ironic, though, that OP is a dance mom. Have you seen how suggestive some of those dance moves are and how skimpy the outfits? Yet, she's worried about hair color that washes out, make up and non-alcoholic party drinks served in fancy cups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (12) came home today from a 13th bday sleepover with pink hair, her nails done, slept in makeup, and gushing about the fun mocktails they were served.

The invite didn’t list any of these things. It listed that they were going to dinner, to see Jurassic World (was fine with) and then getting Duck Donuts. When I dropped her off yesterday morning and spoke with the bday girl’s mom, she said the plan was to spend most of the day playing in their backyard pool and doing fun girlie things like makeovers.

I took that to mean the girls doing each other’s nails, hair, and maybe some make up. I didn’t realize the girls’s aunt, who is a professional that you can hire to do your hair and makeup before your wedding, was coming to offer her services. There was also a professional nail person or team there. I think the friend’s mom could tell I wasn’t pleased with the pink hair by the face I made when i picked my DD up. She quickly let me know it was 1 day spray in dye that would wash right out and then she texted me later this evening to double check that it had washed out after she showered (it did).

None of the other moms I’ve talked to seem to care. Am I really making a big deal of nothing? It seems irresponsible to serve mocktails and glamorize drinking. And to not even ask parental permission about the makeover peeves me. DD is already talking about getting more of the 1 day hair dye and the make up she wants to buy and now I get to be the bad mom who says no.

Unclench

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make up and temporary hair dye? No biggie.

Mocktails at a 13 year old's party? Were they mixed in shakers and served in cocktail glasses? That would definitely bother me. Frozen virgin pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris served in a plastic cup with a fun straw similar to a starbucks frappachino or a smoothie at a restaurant? Not a big deal.

I am generally conservative but am fine with adult drinking, host parties with alcohol and am not anti fun drinks for kids.

Virgin frozen margaritas and pina coladas and a drink the bday girl created. All were frozen and served in plastic glasses (like plastic margarita and plastic colada glasses).

I think the mocktails are really what angered me most. I just see it as glamorizing drinking which I don’t believe in. There’s alcoholism on my side of the family so we’ve always discussed alcohol with them and the seriousness of it. Most of this evening was spent talking about drinking and alcohol because she’s just absolutely enthralled with the mocktails.

Angered you? Good lord, lady

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.

I posted about the pina coladas vs margaritas vs martini glasses.

To me, pina coladas means coconut and pineapple juice, where margaritas mean tequila with lime juice. Pina colada make me think of the beach flavor, while margaritas make me think of alcohol first, lime second.

As far as the glasses and presentation, some glasses (like martini glasses) are strictly for adult alcoholic beverges, while something like a hurricane glass might be used to serve a milkshake. Restaurants almost always serve virgin drinks in a standard tumbler or hurricane.

I think at least for me those are subtle things that really change the message from innocent fun to, well, Regina's mom.

As I said, distinction without a difference to me, because I view a pina colada as coconut plus rum in the same way as a margarita is lime plus tequila (I realize both drinks have more ingredients). So I’m no more or less bothered by one versus the other (and to be clear, I’m not bothered by either in a non-alcoholic version for kids, even younger than 13 yrs - call them frozen limeades, coconut slushies, whatever!). I just think it is silly to say a virgin daquiri or pina colada is okay but a virgin margarita is not. Ditto for a drink served in one shape of a glass versus another. Obviously you and other posters feel differently, but there are just as many responders saying none of this is a big deal. So that’s the part I find most interesting - the range of responses, opinions, distinctions that parents are making here.

I think it is all perspective.

Like I said, I view margaritas as a "party" drink, of the clicking glasses, dance on the table, tequila drunk type of drink. So my kid telling me they celebrated with fake margaritas would bother me. Martini glasses are kind of the same thing. Kids frozen virgin drinks get served in all kinds of fun glasses, but the only thing ever served in martini glasses are alcohol martinis. It is a perception thing to me. I would get bothered by rootbeer served in a beer bong, but not inna frosted mug or glass bottle. The beer bong sends a clear message, where rootbeer in a mug does not send any message.

That said, I would be bothered by those two things (margaritas and certain glasses/presentations) but would not make a big deal of it.

And as I said in my original post, I am not anti alcohol, serve alcohol in my home, and host fun parties with themed drinks. I also have no issues with my kids getting virgin drinks in restaurants or having fun mixed juice/soda water drinks at home in fancy glasses like hurricanes.

[Anonymous]

I’m the op. I talked with the party hosting mom more today while the girls were at dance class. I assured her the face I made wasn’t in anger at her but more shock and disappointment at my DD re: the pink hair because she knows my feelings on unnatural colors. She’s asked to have fun colored hair in the past and I’ve said no. Knowing it is something we don’t allow and then doing it at a party is deceitful. I get it, it’s something small that I shouldn’t be strict about, but that’s just my preference. I’m actually not strict in other ways just like others pointed out about being okay with dance’s skimpy costumes and heavy makeup.

I don’t like the fun colored hair. I don’t think it looks cute on kids. I don’t think it looks cute or interesting on adults. I work in a job where tats have to be covered (I actually have 3), hair can’t be an unnatural color, and gaged ears have to have the flesh colored plugs put in so there’s no hole. However, I don’t see someone with it and think they are an idiot, loser, or criminal, just an FYI. I get that everyone has their own preferences and can do what they want with their bodies.

I did tell the mom I was upset with the mocktails. I told her why and about the history of alcoholism in my family. She said she understood why that could upset me. She asked if she’d put all the details on the invite if my DD could have still attended and I said yes, but we would have talked beforehand. She said she respected that. She didn’t feel like all details needed to be on there because part was a surprise for her DD (aunt & friends coming to do hair/makeup/nails) and because she feels they are at the age now where it’s not needed by the parents. It was a good conversation. I told her I understood from an outsider that the party was a big hit and seemed fun for them. She has older kids and told me to get prepared for all the things to come that will happen that I’ll be in the dark about and will find out about after the fact. I think that’s a big part of it since DD is my oldest. I have no experience here. I’m just used to the little kid ways of knowing what’s planned for parties and such. I know that’s on me to work on and change.

For those suggesting therapy, ha yes, been in that for yeaaaars. As I said, long history of alcoholim on my side of the family. Will add this to the list to work on. Thanks for responses and insight.

[Anonymous]

I think it is all perspective.

Like I said, I view margaritas as a "party" drink, of the clicking glasses, dance on the table, tequila drunk type of drink. So my kid telling me they celebrated with fake margaritas would bother me. Martini glasses are kind of the same thing. Kids frozen virgin drinks get served in all kinds of fun glasses, but the only thing ever served in martini glasses are alcohol martinis. It is a perception thing to me. I would get bothered by rootbeer served in a beer bong, but not inna frosted mug or glass bottle. The beer bong sends a clear message, where rootbeer in a mug does not send any message.

That said, I would be bothered by those two things (margaritas and certain glasses/presentations) but would not make a big deal of it.

And as I said in my original post, I am not anti alcohol, serve alcohol in my home, and host fun parties with themed drinks. I also have no issues with my kids getting virgin drinks in restaurants or having fun mixed juice/soda water drinks at home in fancy glasses like hurricanes.

SMH. You think of margaritas and dancing on the table. Me, whenever I smell Fanta Orange or Sunkist, I think of sloe gin and getting trashed as a high school student while visiting Ball State University. That doesn't mean I get my knickers in a knot when my kids want orange flavored drinks.

I'm also SMH that you are equating a beer bong with a martini glass. Seriously? Do you also avoid talking about sex and drugs with your kids? How do you feel about kids eating bananas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the op. I talked with the party hosting mom more today while the girls were at dance class. I assured her the face I made wasn’t in anger at her but more shock and disappointment at my DD re: the pink hair because she knows my feelings on unnatural colors. She’s asked to have fun colored hair in the past and I’ve said no. Knowing it is something we don’t allow and then doing it at a party is deceitful. I get it, it’s something small that I shouldn’t be strict about, but that’s just my preference. I’m actually not strict in other ways just like others pointed out about being okay with dance’s skimpy costumes and heavy makeup.

I don’t like the fun colored hair. I don’t think it looks cute on kids. I don’t think it looks cute or interesting on adults. I work in a job where tats have to be covered (I actually have 3), hair can’t be an unnatural color, and gaged ears have to have the flesh colored plugs put in so there’s no hole. However, I don’t see someone with it and think they are an idiot, loser, or criminal, just an FYI. I get that everyone has their own preferences and can do what they want with their bodies.

I did tell the mom I was upset with the mocktails. I told her why and about the history of alcoholism in my family. She said she understood why that could upset me. She asked if she’d put all the details on the invite if my DD could have still attended and I said yes, but we would have talked beforehand. She said she respected that. She didn’t feel like all details needed to be on there because part was a surprise for her DD (aunt & friends coming to do hair/makeup/nails) and because she feels they are at the age now where it’s not needed by the parents. It was a good conversation. I told her I understood from an outsider that the party was a big hit and seemed fun for them. She has older kids and told me to get prepared for all the things to come that will happen that I’ll be in the dark about and will find out about after the fact. I think that’s a big part of it since DD is my oldest. I have no experience here. I’m just used to the little kid ways of knowing what’s planned for parties and such. I know that’s on me to work on and change.

For those suggesting therapy, ha yes, been in that for yeaaaars. As I said, long history of alcoholim on my side of the family. Will add this to the list to work on. Thanks for responses and insight.

I think it sounds like your anxiety is making you way too controlling with your children’s bodies. It makes me a little sad for them that they can’t do fun things they want because you dislike the aesthetics of it. You do sound like you have some gender issues too, and the other mom is right about you not being able to know/control everything your kids do during the teen years. Your reaction to this party sounds like you’re going to be pushing your kid into a position where she starts hiding choices and lying to you because of your judgment if she’s honest. You might want to raise these issues with your therapist and ask how you can keep things less judgmental with your teen and promote an open and honest relationship as well as how to handle letting your kids have age appropriate control over their own bodies. Good luck. Parenting teens is tough. It’s so much harder when expectations aren’t realistic.

[Anonymous]

Cocktails would be a problem, mocktails....no. Makeover is fine, though with acne prone skin, I do think the kids should have been given cotton and make up remover to take it off. Not thrilled about pink hair and personally would have preferred to be told, but if the person kept my kid overnight, that would b e well worth my kid having pink hair.Free babysitting and my kid had a blast? Yes, please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the op. I talked with the party hosting mom more today while the girls were at dance class. I assured her the face I made wasn’t in anger at her but more shock and disappointment at my DD re: the pink hair because she knows my feelings on unnatural colors. She’s asked to have fun colored hair in the past and I’ve said no. Knowing it is something we don’t allow and then doing it at a party is deceitful. I get it, it’s something small that I shouldn’t be strict about, but that’s just my preference. I’m actually not strict in other ways just like others pointed out about being okay with dance’s skimpy costumes and heavy makeup.

I don’t like the fun colored hair. I don’t think it looks cute on kids. I don’t think it looks cute or interesting on adults. I work in a job where tats have to be covered (I actually have 3), hair can’t be an unnatural color, and gaged ears have to have the flesh colored plugs put in so there’s no hole. However, I don’t see someone with it and think they are an idiot, loser, or criminal, just an FYI. I get that everyone has their own preferences and can do what they want with their bodies.

I did tell the mom I was upset with the mocktails. I told her why and about the history of alcoholism in my family. She said she understood why that could upset me. She asked if she’d put all the details on the invite if my DD could have still attended and I said yes, but we would have talked beforehand. She said she respected that. She didn’t feel like all details needed to be on there because part was a surprise for her DD (aunt & friends coming to do hair/makeup/nails) and because she feels they are at the age now where it’s not needed by the parents. It was a good conversation. I told her I understood from an outsider that the party was a big hit and seemed fun for them. She has older kids and told me to get prepared for all the things to come that will happen that I’ll be in the dark about and will find out about after the fact. I think that’s a big part of it since DD is my oldest. I have no experience here. I’m just used to the little kid ways of knowing what’s planned for parties and such. I know that’s on me to work on and change.

For those suggesting therapy, ha yes, been in that for yeaaaars. As I said, long history of alcoholim on my side of the family. Will add this to the list to work on. Thanks for responses and insight.

I'm sure you're a nice person OP but I would be exhausted if I were the other mother. I simply don't have the time or energy to do so much emotional work with you. I would discourage my DD from hanging out with your DD because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the op. I talked with the party hosting mom more today while the girls were at dance class. I assured her the face I made wasn’t in anger at her but more shock and disappointment at my DD re: the pink hair because she knows my feelings on unnatural colors. She’s asked to have fun colored hair in the past and I’ve said no. Knowing it is something we don’t allow and then doing it at a party is deceitful. I get it, it’s something small that I shouldn’t be strict about, but that’s just my preference. I’m actually not strict in other ways just like others pointed out about being okay with dance’s skimpy costumes and heavy makeup.

I don’t like the fun colored hair. I don’t think it looks cute on kids. I don’t think it looks cute or interesting on adults. I work in a job where tats have to be covered (I actually have 3), hair can’t be an unnatural color, and gaged ears have to have the flesh colored plugs put in so there’s no hole. However, I don’t see someone with it and think they are an idiot, loser, or criminal, just an FYI. I get that everyone has their own preferences and can do what they want with their bodies.

I did tell the mom I was upset with the mocktails. I told her why and about the history of alcoholism in my family. She said she understood why that could upset me. She asked if she’d put all the details on the invite if my DD could have still attended and I said yes, but we would have talked beforehand. She said she respected that. She didn’t feel like all details needed to be on there because part was a surprise for her DD (aunt & friends coming to do hair/makeup/nails) and because she feels they are at the age now where it’s not needed by the parents. It was a good conversation. I told her I understood from an outsider that the party was a big hit and seemed fun for them. She has older kids and told me to get prepared for all the things to come that will happen that I’ll be in the dark about and will find out about after the fact. I think that’s a big part of it since DD is my oldest. I have no experience here. I’m just used to the little kid ways of knowing what’s planned for parties and such. I know that’s on me to work on and change.

For those suggesting therapy, ha yes, been in that for yeaaaars. As I said, long history of alcoholim on my side of the family. Will add this to the list to work on. Thanks for responses and insight.

It's not deceitful, OP. It's choosing to do something that she knew you didn't want her to do, knowing that you would find out that she did it. She's 13, and she's rebelling. You need to think about whether this is where you want to take your stand. It's not where I would take my stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the op. I talked with the party hosting mom more today while the girls were at dance class. I assured her the face I made wasn’t in anger at her but more shock and disappointment at my DD re: the pink hair because she knows my feelings on unnatural colors. She’s asked to have fun colored hair in the past and I’ve said no. Knowing it is something we don’t allow and then doing it at a party is deceitful. I get it, it’s something small that I shouldn’t be strict about, but that’s just my preference. I’m actually not strict in other ways just like others pointed out about being okay with dance’s skimpy costumes and heavy makeup.

I don’t like the fun colored hair. I don’t think it looks cute on kids. I don’t think it looks cute or interesting on adults. I work in a job where tats have to be covered (I actually have 3), hair can’t be an unnatural color, and gaged ears have to have the flesh colored plugs put in so there’s no hole. However, I don’t see someone with it and think they are an idiot, loser, or criminal, just an FYI. I get that everyone has their own preferences and can do what they want with their bodies.

I did tell the mom I was upset with the mocktails. I told her why and about the history of alcoholism in my family. She said she understood why that could upset me. She asked if she’d put all the details on the invite if my DD could have still attended and I said yes, but we would have talked beforehand. She said she respected that. She didn’t feel like all details needed to be on there because part was a surprise for her DD (aunt & friends coming to do hair/makeup/nails) and because she feels they are at the age now where it’s not needed by the parents. It was a good conversation. I told her I understood from an outsider that the party was a big hit and seemed fun for them. She has older kids and told me to get prepared for all the things to come that will happen that I’ll be in the dark about and will find out about after the fact. I think that’s a big part of it since DD is my oldest. I have no experience here. I’m just used to the little kid ways of knowing what’s planned for parties and such. I know that’s on me to work on and change.

For those suggesting therapy, ha yes, been in that for yeaaaars. As I said, long history of alcoholim on my side of the family. Will add this to the list to work on. Thanks for responses and insight.

I'm sure you're a nice person OP but I would be exhausted if I were the other mother. I simply don't have the time or energy to do so much emotional work with you. I would discourage my DD from hanging out with your DD because of that.

So would I. You make inviting your daughter a PITA.

So not fair to her.

[Anonymous]

So, the collective wisdom of dcum was that you were overreacting and to let it go but you decide to raise it with the other mom anyway? Your poor daughter. She is going to have a long 5 years in front of her.

BTW, being ok with skimpy outfits but not colored hair makes no sense whatsoever. You’re pretty much saying turning your early teen daughter into a sexual object for other people’s viewing pleasure if fine, but fun hairspray is not.

[Anonymous]

So typical American, this is why you have binge drinking and alcohol issues.

Teach your kids to understand social drinking and not make such a big deal out of it (I mean serious OP, can you mention alcoholism 1 more time? )