wife keeps her name

[Anonymous]

The minute my DH is on the internet whining about sending Christmas cards is the minute I take him out into his doctor for a full checkup. OMG.

[Anonymous]

First step will be finding a man who signs up to be your DH then.

Good luck PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First step will be finding a man who signs up to be your DH then.

Good luck PP

Not the PP, but plenty of us have had no problem finding a DH who couldn't care less about this issue.

[Anonymous]

I don't view that as an accomplishment

[Anonymous]

I didn't have a strong opinion either way when I got married, so I kept my maiden name because DH's name was too rhyme-y with my first name. Now, about a decade later, I'm glad I kept it. It does not feel weird to me that my kids and I don't share a last name, AT ALL. I have never once regretted my choice.

I don't really care what other women choose to do, but the guys who get all bent out of shape over a woman not changing her name really irk me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

I understand. Many of us have notions about how things are going to be in life that change along the way, and sometimes things we once thought were such a big deal turn out to not matter in the slightest. And once your kids are in school, I think you may be surprised to find how few families all have the same name. I honestly cannot think of one kid in my child's class where the parents and children all share the same name. Kids either have both parents' names or the name of just one parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First step will be finding a man who signs up to be your DH then.

Good luck PP

She's already married, genius.

[Anonymous]

Right right. As soon as someone wants to comment online in a thread about marriage they all magically become happily married.. yet 90% of the threads on here are about dating, divorcing and cheating..

Sorry, not buying it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

You might not realize it, but it sounds like you want to own your family. Take a step out from your feelings and really consider what it is you want, more objectively. It's not that you want to share one name, it's that you want to brand everyone else in your family with your last name. It's possessive in the truest sense of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right right. As soon as someone wants to comment online in a thread about marriage they all magically become happily married.. yet 90% of the threads on here are about dating, divorcing and cheating..

Sorry, not buying it

Let me know if you need me to teach you how to respond to a post, instead of just posting a new comment below the one you're replying to. I'm sure you could get the hang of it eventually.

[Anonymous]

Good god, stop with the yammering about other people's choices. What a bunch of judgmental bitches.

[Anonymous]

If I'm responding fast enough, I don't need to use the quote button. Don't like scrolling past walls of blue on my phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)

Are you a dude? Do you have monogrammed towels? WTF?

Haha point taken! I've never sent out christmas cards (yet), but it was just a tangible way of giving an example of not being the (last name) family .. instead we are (first name and first name)

Hope you get what I meant

My social milieu is about 50/50 keepers/takers. As for the Christmas cards, you write "Love, the Smith/Jones family."

I have no problem with women keeping their names, but I absolutely see PP's point. My best friend kept her name and it really bothers her husband for that reason. As a kid I hated when my friends' moms had different last names...it was awkward ("Thank you Mr. Williams and Mrs...I mean Miss Bridges?") and I just avoided saying their names

+1 to this. Not a reason everyone has to...but the reason I did

All my kids' friends call me "Larlo's mom" or "Ms. Larla." We live in the South. We have polite workarounds for these things. Kids call grownups "Ms. FirstName" or "Mr. FirstName," unless they know them professionally ("Coach LastName, Dr. LastName, teacher = Mrs. LastName), in which case they learn the person's name because they need to know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have a strong opinion either way when I got married, so I kept my maiden name because DH's name was too rhyme-y with my first name. Now, about a decade later, I'm glad I kept it. It does not feel weird to me that my kids and I don't share a last name, AT ALL. I have never once regretted my choice.

I don't really care what other women choose to do, but the guys who get all bent out of shape over a woman not changing her name really irk me.

+1. I'm actually happier about it now than I was before children. My children don't share my name, but their grandparents do, and they feel like as much a part of my family's as their father's. It makes it feel (to me) more like we joined families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what do you think of married couples (with children) who go by different last names? just your first impression. or do you think nothing of it?

In almost all cases, the woman turns out to be a PIA. Including my wife.