alright -- tell me if i'm right to be upset here

[Anonymous]

You are crazy OP. My twin sister (my TWIN) is not coming to my daughter's first birthday party and I literally couldn't care less. She is busy with her life and I am busy with my life. We are doing the party in my husbands hometown so it would be a bit of a drive for my sister's family. I speak with my sister about 10 times a day and see her probably 1-2 times a month. I would never be upset about something so inconsequential!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that other family members are traveling cross country for these events (and we are schlepping our baby across the country for her graduation) set up the expectation. You can criticize me for that, but it's not in a vacuum. In any case, it doesn't matter. I talked to her tonight and she told me her life is just more important than mine (not an exaggeration) and that I can't expect her to travel for any family events this year. That includes Thanksgiving and Christmas. So since we are spending Thanksgiving with DH's family, my parents will be alone for Thanksgiving. At least we'll be with them for Christmas.

Aw, aren't you the little guilt-tripper.

WTF. Seriously. I honestly care about my aging parents. Not everything in the world has a cynical explanation.

So you can leave your parents alone for the holiday, but she doesn't care about them if she doesn't visit on the same holiday you're not visiting?

Of course her life is more important- to her. I bet your life is more important- to you. I'd also venture a guess that your dh is more important to you than her dh, and your child is more important to you than her children will be. That doesn't mean the other people are unimportant, but they'll never be as important.

Huh? We alternate holidays between my parents and my husband's parents. She and her husband aren't going to see anyone.

I get that you all think I'm a selfish bitch. I'm sorry that I am upset by the fact that my sister shows absolutely zero interest in me, while I go out of my way to support everything she does. I have clearly done a horrible job making my perspective clear here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that other family members are traveling cross country for these events (and we are schlepping our baby across the country for her graduation) set up the expectation. You can criticize me for that, but it's not in a vacuum. In any case, it doesn't matter. I talked to her tonight and she told me her life is just more important than mine (not an exaggeration) and that I can't expect her to travel for any family events this year. That includes Thanksgiving and Christmas. So since we are spending Thanksgiving with DH's family, my parents will be alone for Thanksgiving. At least we'll be with them for Christmas.

Aw, aren't you the little guilt-tripper.

WTF. Seriously. I honestly care about my aging parents. Not everything in the world has a cynical explanation.

So you can leave your parents alone for the holiday, but she doesn't care about them if she doesn't visit on the same holiday you're not visiting?

Of course her life is more important- to her. I bet your life is more important- to you. I'd also venture a guess that your dh is more important to you than her dh, and your child is more important to you than her children will be. That doesn't mean the other people are unimportant, but they'll never be as important.

Huh? We alternate holidays between my parents and my husband's parents. She and her husband aren't going to see anyone.

I get that you all think I'm a selfish bitch. I'm sorry that I am upset by the fact that my sister shows absolutely zero interest in me, while I go out of my way to support everything she does. I have clearly done a horrible job making my perspective clear here.

OP, I understand your perspective, and people have been a bit harsh to you. That happens on DCUM all the time. However, you want people to say that your sister is a bad person for being selfish and you have every right to be upset with her. The problem is, it sounds like she's been like this for a while so you've been forewarned that your actions won't be reciprocated, you seem to keep score of everything everyone says and does, and you sound like a bit of a martyr for continuing to inconvenience yourself and then be upset when your sister doesn't appreciate it. I get that you want a better relationship with your sister where she cares about things at the same level you do. But it doesn't sound like that is going to happen right now (or over). So you can either decide to accept that, stop keeping score, and spend your time and money visiting her because you want to, and not because you expect anything in return, or you can just start being more selfish yourself.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that would niggle at me would be not asking about the baby only because I see my kids are the center of my world and like others to ask about them. In that same vein, her work is the center of her world and you should ask about that equally.


I have a big family and there is no expectation at all for anyone to travel for anything beyond a wedding or funeral. Graduations are boring for everyone but the graduate and no one should ever ask anyone to come unless that person volunteers!! Send a gift. First birthdays are for parents, not babies. Send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that other family members are traveling cross country for these events (and we are schlepping our baby across the country for her graduation) set up the expectation. You can criticize me for that, but it's not in a vacuum. In any case, it doesn't matter. I talked to her tonight and she told me her life is just more important than mine (not an exaggeration) and that I can't expect her to travel for any family events this year. That includes Thanksgiving and Christmas. So since we are spending Thanksgiving with DH's family, my parents will be alone for Thanksgiving. At least we'll be with them for Christmas.

Aw, aren't you the little guilt-tripper.

WTF. Seriously. I honestly care about my aging parents. Not everything in the world has a cynical explanation.

So you can leave your parents alone for the holiday, but she doesn't care about them if she doesn't visit on the same holiday you're not visiting?

Of course her life is more important- to her. I bet your life is more important- to you. I'd also venture a guess that your dh is more important to you than her dh, and your child is more important to you than her children will be. That doesn't mean the other people are unimportant, but they'll never be as important.

Huh? We alternate holidays between my parents and my husband's parents. She and her husband aren't going to see anyone.

I get that you all think I'm a selfish bitch. I'm sorry that I am upset by the fact that my sister shows absolutely zero interest in me, while I go out of my way to support everything she does. I have clearly done a horrible job making my perspective clear here.

OP, I understand your perspective, and people have been a bit harsh to you. That happens on DCUM all the time. However, you want people to say that your sister is a bad person for being selfish and you have every right to be upset with her. The problem is, it sounds like she's been like this for a while so you've been forewarned that your actions won't be reciprocated, you seem to keep score of everything everyone says and does, and you sound like a bit of a martyr for continuing to inconvenience yourself and then be upset when your sister doesn't appreciate it. I get that you want a better relationship with your sister where she cares about things at the same level you do. But it doesn't sound like that is going to happen right now (or over). So you can either decide to accept that, stop keeping score, and spend your time and money visiting her because you want to, and not because you expect anything in return, or you can just start being more selfish yourself.

Agree with this poster. You need to retract that energy a little bit from your sister. Put into the relationship what you see coming back at you. Or visit her when you want with no expectations. It does suck. I have had similar things with family members. Had a childcare emergency- no family in this country and my jobless sister (whom I offered to fly out and pay what she wanted for a couple weeks/as long as she wanted to stay) was "sorry I can't help you"... I guess because there were those reruns of 'Murder she Wrote' and 'Matlock' that weren't going to watch themselves. It sucks. At least your sister has way better excuses than I get.

We should start a 'crappy excuses people gave for not wanting to help'... but your sister wouldn't be on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that other family members are traveling cross country for these events (and we are schlepping our baby across the country for her graduation) set up the expectation. You can criticize me for that, but it's not in a vacuum. In any case, it doesn't matter. I talked to her tonight and she told me her life is just more important than mine (not an exaggeration) and that I can't expect her to travel for any family events this year. That includes Thanksgiving and Christmas. So since we are spending Thanksgiving with DH's family, my parents will be alone for Thanksgiving. At least we'll be with them for Christmas.

Aw, aren't you the little guilt-tripper.

WTF. Seriously. I honestly care about my aging parents. Not everything in the world has a cynical explanation.

So you can leave your parents alone for the holiday, but she doesn't care about them if she doesn't visit on the same holiday you're not visiting?

Of course her life is more important- to her. I bet your life is more important- to you. I'd also venture a guess that your dh is more important to you than her dh, and your child is more important to you than her children will be. That doesn't mean the other people are unimportant, but they'll never be as important.

Huh? We alternate holidays between my parents and my husband's parents. She and her husband aren't going to see anyone.

I get that you all think I'm a selfish bitch. I'm sorry that I am upset by the fact that my sister shows absolutely zero interest in me, while I go out of my way to support everything she does. I have clearly done a horrible job making my perspective clear here.

So why do you keep going out of your way and inconveniencing yourself to meet her needs when you know she won't ever do the same for you?