MIL and her "alone time" with DH

[Anonymous]

What was your husband's response to this? I'm assuming he didn't contradict his mother - which means, again, YOU HAVE A DH PROBLEM, not a MIL problem.

[Anonymous]

He wasn't nearby when she said it. My MIL has really made me appreciate my parents so much more. I'm greatful and thankful for my relationship w them and how great they are to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sons and would never do this.

Your MIL is a weirdo. And what does your husband say about this nonsense?

You would never want to have spend some one-on-one time with your son or daughter once they are married? I find that strange. If the MIL never wanted to spend time with the DIL or grandchildren, that is something different. But I love spending time with my mom alone and that didn't change when I got married.

It's not the one afternoon of alone time that she wants with her son. It's all the other weird rules - Op's family must stay in a hotel, MIL never wants to do anything with her 3 year old grandchild, Op and her son are only allowed to visit MIL for an hour at a time...then they must leave and go back to their hotel room.

The woman sounds really rigid and insufferable. I can't blame Op for not wanting to spend her dh's only vacation time like this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I take back everything else I wrote about it not being a big deal. Your MIL is certifiably, mental institution nuts and rude. After what she told you, I would make sure that she gets pay back and you are in a position to do so. I am guessing there is not FIL in the picture? The reason your DH can't stand up for you and himself is that she is abusive and he, as a lifelong victim, can't recognize this and break the pattern, as he knows that he will pay if he stand up, by emotional abuse. Hence you are the ultimate victim. You need to stop any civility with this person. I would not even go to Thanksgiving dinner, I mean why on earth would you go to her place, I would not have DH and son go either. Try an IHOP, they have a turkey dinner.

[Anonymous]

As a MIL, I certainly get the desire to sometimes have alone time with an adult child. I have a couple friends who have adult sons in other towns and never get a moment with them away from their wives and kids. The wives aren't particularly warm. I think stranding you in a hotel room without transport is going too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... saw MIL for the 30 mins that she had for us today and when she brought up the alone time and how much she is looking forward to it, I said that it would be so lovely if my son could join them or me and my son so we could have a nice afternoon together. She then told me that I'm not really family and being married to her son for 5 years doesn't entitle me to that private time and maybe never will. She said to me that it's normal for MiLs and FILs to keep their children's spouses at arms reach because that's all they are, spouses. Really looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her!

You see, this would make me much more grateful that she wants to see your husband alone and that she doesn't spend that much time with my son. I don't want my son to think that this is normal.

In fact, this would actually make me lean towards sending DH alone to visit with her rather than dragging either myself or my child to visit some bat*sh*t crazy grandmother. I would probably suggest she gets one of Christmas or Thanksgiving a year (alternating) and DH goes alone for 3-4 days. Stay home with your son, or come up with other things, like maybe a weekend trip to a place for him (Sesame Place, Dutch Wonderland, etc) while daddy goes to visit crazy grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... saw MIL for the 30 mins that she had for us today and when she brought up the alone time and how much she is looking forward to it, I said that it would be so lovely if my son could join them or me and my son so we could have a nice afternoon together. She then told me that I'm not really family and being married to her son for 5 years doesn't entitle me to that private time and maybe never will. She said to me that it's normal for MiLs and FILs to keep their children's spouses at arms reach because that's all they are, spouses. Really looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her!

You see, this would make me much more grateful that she wants to see your husband alone and that she doesn't spend that much time with my son. I don't want my son to think that this is normal.

In fact, this would actually make me lean towards sending DH alone to visit with her rather than dragging either myself or my child to visit some bat*sh*t crazy grandmother. I would probably suggest she gets one of Christmas or Thanksgiving a year (alternating) and DH goes alone for 3-4 days. Stay home with your son, or come up with other things, like maybe a weekend trip to a place for him (Sesame Place, Dutch Wonderland, etc) while daddy goes to visit crazy grandma.

Why would Op want her husband to use his leave visiting his mom. The woman is rude as hell and emotionally abusive. If she wants to see her beloved baby boy she can fly her azz out to see HIM for a change. Let her stay in a hotel and dh can stop by when (if) he has the time after work.

Or at least that's the way it should work.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is leaving parts of their history out. MIL is looking forward to alone time with her son and OP asks why she doesn't include herself and her kid--this totally defeating the purpose of alone time. You sound like a pushy broad, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is leaving parts of their history out. MIL is looking forward to alone time with her son and OP asks why she doesn't include herself and her kid--this totally defeating the purpose of alone time. You sound like a pushy broad, OP.

PP--did you read this from OP???
Anonymous wrote:
OP here... saw MIL for the 30 mins that she had for us today and when she brought up the alone time and how much she is looking forward to it, I said that it would be so lovely if my son could join them or me and my son so we could have a nice afternoon together. She then told me that I'm not really family and being married to her son for 5 years doesn't entitle me to that private time and maybe never will. She said to me that it's normal for MiLs and FILs to keep their children's spouses at arms reach because that's all they are, spouses. Really looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL insisted on having alone time with my husband every time we see her. It's annoying. We travel to see her as a family and she wants to take an afternoon to hang out alone with my husband. God forbid she should see her grandchild which she can only hand in "small doses". We are going to see her for 4 days for thanksgiving. She doesn't let us stay in her home so we stay in a hotel with a rental car etc. she would like to spend the afternoon on Friday from 12-4 with DH. Im annoyed. Not a whole lot to do without a car and I'd like to be together as a family. Is it normal for MIL to do this alone time thing?

Sounds like she doesn't like you.
Your husband is a whimp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is leaving parts of their history out. MIL is looking forward to alone time with her son and OP asks why she doesn't include herself and her kid--this totally defeating the purpose of alone time. You sound like a pushy broad, OP.

PP--did you read this from OP???
Anonymous wrote:
OP here... saw MIL for the 30 mins that she had for us today and when she brought up the alone time and how much she is looking forward to it, I said that it would be so lovely if my son could join them or me and my son so we could have a nice afternoon together. She then told me that I'm not really family and being married to her son for 5 years doesn't entitle me to that private time and maybe never will. She said to me that it's normal for MiLs and FILs to keep their children's spouses at arms reach because that's all they are, spouses. Really looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her!

eh, Op's MIL is biotch on wheels. She has been saying the above w/o actually saying it for a while. But today MIL actually verbalized to Op how she really feels. I hope that Op's dh was there to hear it too because that was pretty awful of his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL insisted on having alone time with my husband every time we see her. It's annoying. We travel to see her as a family and she wants to take an afternoon to hang out alone with my husband. God forbid she should see her grandchild which she can only hand in "small doses". We are going to see her for 4 days for thanksgiving. She doesn't let us stay in her home so we stay in a hotel with a rental car etc. she would like to spend the afternoon on Friday from 12-4 with DH. Im annoyed. Not a whole lot to do without a car and I'd like to be together as a family. Is it normal for MIL to do this alone time thing?

Sounds like she doesn't like you.
Your husband is a whimp.

She must also not like her 3 year old grandchild very much. Terrible.

[Anonymous]

Why does everything is such drama with you drama queens???

[Anonymous]

OP, let me join those who say you need to fix your nuclear family dynamic. I think you need counseling, because feeling this threatened by MIL is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... saw MIL for the 30 mins that she had for us today and when she brought up the alone time and how much she is looking forward to it, I said that it would be so lovely if my son could join them or me and my son so we could have a nice afternoon together. She then told me that I'm not really family and being married to her son for 5 years doesn't entitle me to that private time and maybe never will. She said to me that it's normal for MiLs and FILs to keep their children's spouses at arms reach because that's all they are, spouses. Really looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her!

Sorry, OP. You have two problems- your MIL and your DH. She sounds like a witch.