Forum Index
»
Elementary School-Aged Kids
Typical SAHM with school aged kids day
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Honey. If cleaning your toilet takes you all day you have way bigger problems than SAH/WOH |
Anonymous
+1. My mom worked full time, always home by 4:30 but worked after we had dinner, and still works now, I'm 40. I stay home. Went to college and grad school and was gainfully employed making 6 figure salary before I had children. I am a full time SAHM. |
Anonymous
I pick my kids up at 4pm--after school so I, the mom, am the one helping them if they need it. I work 7-3:30pm. I have the benefit of working from home though. I would have to go down to part-time if I were required to WOH to do those things. I am not one that thinks a college degree is wasted if a woman later decides to stay home though. Everyone has to choose what works for them, their children, their finances/life goals, safety net and their marriage (if married). |
Anonymous
What am I trivializing? She has no kids living at home, so I can't figure out why she calls herself a SAHM. |
Anonymous
Probably because that's the label that was put on it for so many years (by her and by others/society), and as time marched along she just hasn't thought about the label to reassess. Would you be less offended by her cushy set-up if she said she was a homemaker or retired? |
Anonymous
| I'm the PP who poster her schedule. I think the bantering has a lot to do with jealousy and refusal to accept that there is value in serving your family at home. Not everyone agrees on what the value is exactly, but everyone family has the right to decide what it's worth to them. I may go back to work someday. I don't know. But what I know is that serving my children and husband and making our home lives run smoothly is worth it to me. I don't view it as degenerating myself or putting women back. I just enjoy it and am lucky enough that we can afford to live on one income (although we live in "shudder" Prince William County). |
Anonymous
And as for trivializing, you're trivializing her entire existence. Do you really think that accurately captures her day? How do you think she knew you described it that way? First, you put quotes around "cleans the house," as if she's not cleaning at all. Does she really not wash a dish or make a bed ever? Or would she see it as keeping the house clean, organized, stocked, in good repair, and generally in order so that when her husband is home, they can enjoy their time together and separate interests without having to do a bunch of chores and errands. As for exercising three times a day, perhaps to you that sees frivolous or excessive, but perhaps she's working on fitness or health-related goals you're not aware of, or you otherwise don't appreciate the benefit of it. Do you even know what she actually does during those three hours of exercise? As for seeing her friends, what's wrong with that? Are you morally opposed to having social connections? And then does she really do nothing else? She doesn't have an hobbies? Never reads an interesting book? I think if someone described your life in such a reductive, dismissive way, you wouldn't appreciate it either, nor would you feel it was fair or accurate. |
Anonymous
Would you respect your husband if he didn't make the money to support you? |
Anonymous
I wouldn't respect my husband if he wasn't willing to fairly contribute to the overall well-being of the household. The particular form of each spouse's contributions is really up to a couple to decide. After all, if my husband and I could each individually make $150k if we both worked, so a total HHI of $300k, but my husband could take a different, more demanding job making $400k if I were home to care for the kids and keep things running, isn't it in our financial interests as a couple for me to stay home and let him earn more than we otherwise would together? Or perhaps he'd only make $300k in the new job, but we could have a more enjoyable non-work life together if we weren't spending that time going to Home Depot and the grocery store, wouldn't that be in our interests? Or perhaps he'd only make $250k, but we both agree that the more enjoyable non-work life is worth more than that extra $50k? What then? |
Anonymous
Nothing wrong with PWC, I grew up there. There is plenty to do, and you don't have to spend an arm and a leg to eat out there. |
Anonymous
If you prioritize your "financial interests as a couple" over his time with his family, then sure, that works. I notice none of your examples involve him staying home with school-age children. Would you be ok with him doing what the majority of the SAHMs here say they do all day while you killed yourself at work? I doubt most would be honest about that. |
Anonymous
I can guarantee the majority of women who don't respect the contributions of SAHMs with schoolage kids aren't jealous. I certainly do think there is value in staying home when kids are little (though I wouldn't call it "serving my husband and children - *shudder*). I think doing it beyond that reeks of laziness and dependency. |
Anonymous
Do you really think a house with two adults in it needs that much cleaning? |
Anonymous
Well, it is what it is. I am serving my children's and husband's needs. I don't view my day as lazy. I spend my time in a way that suits my family and I know it's not a popular thing to admit, but I get joy out of cleaning and cooking and caring for the home. In ways I never, ever imagined. Yes, we are dependent on my husband's income. So, I guess there's that. But we'd need his income anyway because even if we were both working, the cost of everything I do is still there. And there's the time factor. It's nice to walk into a spotless house, have a glass of wine, and relax a bit before eating dinner that already prepared. It's nice to not have to rush to the dry cleaner. It's nice to always have clean laundry and fresh linens. Is it a necessity? No. If I hated this, I would go back in a hot second. But I love it. I love making my home into a gorgeous, sanctuary for my family. It gives me pride in a way I never, ever had when I was working. But like I said, this is a personal preference. If I didn't enjoy this, my life would be an utter hell of monotony, cleaning, and taking care of people who you don't feel care. So, it's two sides of the same coin. It's such a personal choice. I don't judge anyone, but I absolutely love my own decisions. |
Anonymous
First, none of my examples had him stay home because we are talking about SAHMs here. It applies equally to SAHDs. Second, most of the "days" posted here were facetious. I am a SAHM, I know what I do all day, and if the situations were reversed, I'd be fine with my husband spending his day the same way I do while I worked. For a variety of reasons, though, that's not what makes the most sense for us as a couple. Third, I am not prioritizing our financial interests as a couple over his time with his family. This is in significant part because "I" did not make this decision, it's a decision he and I made together. He is quite happy with the arrangement. Further, a big part of what I do as a SAHM is getting all of the chores and other "work" of running a home out of the way so that when he is home, we can actually enjoy unscheduled time as a family. When I was working post-kids, we ended up spending most of our evenings and weekends getting all of that stuff done, and had to carve "family time" that didn't involve going to the grocery store together, even if that three-hour block we carved out turned out to be a bad time for it because, for example, one child was cranky and needed some extra rest, and would make a trip to a museum or the park miserable. Now, he actually gets more hours of relaxing, both on his own and with me and the kids. We're all a lot happier than we were when I worked. |