Why do western people have such disregard for family?

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone here can tell me why Asians are the worst drivers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eastern cultures tend to respect their elders. Western cultures can't wait for their elders to die off. Not to say I endorse the MIL abuse, but the complete lack of respect this culture condones saddens me. Most of these women are mothers. They will be discarded as readily as their mothers were.

Respect is earned, not given.

+1

Amen. If you are not there for me, I will not be there for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eastern cultures tend to respect their elders. Western cultures can't wait for their elders to die off. Not to say I endorse the MIL abuse, but the complete lack of respect this culture condones saddens me. Most of these women are mothers. They will be discarded as readily as their mothers were.

You are a mean and horrible person. I'm Western culture and am very sad that my MIL and Mom [and my FIL and Dad] are deceased.

[Anonymous]

And we purposefully bought a house that had room if either set of them needed and wanted to move in with us.

[Anonymous]

Because you don't get to choose them and they're often a drag. And we're not so concerned with "duty" anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is full of fantasies. I married into a big SE Asian family, and no matter what I tell them, they assume that I'm estranged/disowned from my own loving family, just because we have typically American independent lives and boundaries, and don't obsessively cling to each other.

Meanwhile, the Asian in-laws spend every moment hanging out together, working together, prying into every gory detail of each other's personal business. They never stop gossiping about each other, telling each other what to do, and shaming/judging each other. This is how they control. They've lived in the US for decades, but have zero western friends, and they just don't understand western ways. They only condemn them. They go overboard idealizing their archaic and extreme mindset and traditions, and they railroad or disown anyone who tries to achieve a more healthy, balanced lifestyle.

Believe me, many of the elderly parents in Asian families are secretly loathed and resented, as they rule over their miserable adult kids' lives, pounding it into them that the kids owe them everything because the parents sacrificed everything for them. Is it love to sacrifice with conditions attached, conditions that mean your child is not free to love who they want, not free to go into the career they want, not free to have their own home, not free to be the person they are or have their own feelings? This is what a lot of Asian parents put on their kids. I've never seen such a concentration of severe personality disorders as I did once I finally managed to get under the facades of Asian families.

Yes, they stand by each other, and go out of their way to help each other, but the strings attached to everything can be suffocating. My husband is still in therapy trying to disentangle himself.

It's not healthy to have no boundaries, and to beat down peoples' normal emotions and needs and personalities to service the needs of the collective.

I couldn't agree with you more.

[Anonymous]

My IL's use to whine and moan that certain family members had moved SO far away. I didn't know the geography. Turned out it was 60miles away. ILs would rather lay on the guilt (and impede greater financial opportunity for this couple) because of 60 miles!!!? Op, here is the question for you - - why do your people have such disregard for family? Why would your people impede financial opportunity for other family members by preventing them from moving when it's necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a southasian American who, after having lived in the U.S for over 20 years is pretty baffled by the western perspective on extended family. I have seen my friends and colleagues speak at great length about troubled relations with their brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and in laws. Most times, adult siblings only speak to each other occasionally and see each other at Christmas. Adult daughters can't stand their fathers and do not see them unless its an emergency. Siblings cutting each other off etc. Married couples not wanting to have their elderly parents live with them and more.

In the east, we LOVE our families. We live and would die for them. As an adult daughter it is a great privilege and blessing to me that my elderly parents can live with us and that I can take care of them in their old age. I love my siblings and we all live near each other.

Why is it so different in the west?

Reasons many Americans don't live 15 minutes away from their parents:
huge country - same language/dialect, currency, job opportunities
mobility
more choice
more freedom
more education
dual income families
corporate jobs
talent center cities
debt and expenses = get a good job in a big city
went to university outside of home city/state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a southasian American who, after having lived in the U.S for over 20 years is pretty baffled by the western perspective on extended family. I have seen my friends and colleagues speak at great length about troubled relations with their brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and in laws. Most times, adult siblings only speak to each other occasionally and see each other at Christmas. Adult daughters can't stand their fathers and do not see them unless its an emergency. Siblings cutting each other off etc. Married couples not wanting to have their elderly parents live with them and more.

In the east, we LOVE our families. We live and would die for them. As an adult daughter it is a great privilege and blessing to me that my elderly parents can live with us and that I can take care of them in their old age. I love my siblings and we all live near each other.

Why is it so different in the west?

BTW, that is awesome that you can financially afford to continue to raise your children at the same time you 24/7 care for your elderly parents and your spouse's elderly parents. End of life care is really something in America, with those treatments and long lifespans.
Did you hire a bunch of nurses and nannies or did your wife do everything while staying at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting question, and one I've wondered about, too. It goes alongside the differences in the amount of respect given to elders. In western cultures, that is not seen as much. I guess it's just traditional expectations. Here, you are pushed to go out and make it by yourself. In lots of non-western countries, family connections play too much of a role, particularly in employment opportunities, IMO (i.e. nepotism). In societies like that, if you are not from the right family, life is not nearly as good. So I wonder if democracy leads to weaker family ties?

There was a very interesting Gilmore Girls episode dealing with this actually. Richard's mother was about to give Rory her trust fund and Emily was scared that once Lorelai was no longer financially dependent on her to pay for Rory's tuition, she would not see Loerelai or Rory again.

I think in the East its a family oriented society. Your father usually gets you your first job and your mother arranges your marriage. Your parents sell all their land to ensure you go to school abroad. In return, you can't help but want to take care of them. In America, kids are independent at 16. They earn their own money and don't owe a lot to their parents emotionally or financially. Parents don't nearly sacrifice as much for their kids either. I always found it funny that some of my American friends have their adult children pay them rent if they are living at home.

Same in Turkey, lots of strings attached with those family loans and gifts. Creates a web of co-dependency and personal debts. You marry into even more of them too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someone here can tell me why Asians are the worst drivers?

Because many are recent immigrants, newish drivers, and also where they came from, there are very little driving laws. Have you seen how people drive in China and India? Crazy.

If you look at asians who grew up here, they drive like the rest of Americans - some crappy, some fast and aggressive, and some slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Western parents I know provide their children with a lot of good parenting and love but never at personal expense.

WTF does this mean - Western parents do not spend $$ on their kids?

It means OP is a narrow, small-minded person with no friends other than people from her homeland. The naiveness to say no one in America is sacrificing for their children. wow. wow.

[Anonymous]

Is this shit getting anyone into TJ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Western parents I know provide their children with a lot of good parenting and love but never at personal expense.

WTF does this mean - Western parents do not spend $$ on their kids?

It means OP is a narrow, small-minded person with no friends other than people from her homeland. The naiveness to say no one in America is sacrificing for their children. wow. wow.

This is not what OP said at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this shit getting anyone into TJ?

TJ?