Hate being a woman in the the dating scene

[Anonymous]

This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

A thanks email isn't initiation - it's good manners. In that email, did you make any mention of meeting up again? If not, that's a mixed signal.

Yes, women should initiate things too. It's not the 1950's. For example, "Last time we met, you mentioned you like XXX food. There's a new XXX food place near me and I was planning to try it this weekend. Want to join me?"

Not that difficult is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

Not a guy but I think you should do what feels comfortable to
you. I am not aggressive but I am assertive and I meet men halfway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

if you're going to troll, you should at least try to disguise it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

if you're going to troll, you should at least try to disguise it.

I am not a troll at all! Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

if you're going to troll, you should at least try to disguise it.

I am not a troll at all! Seriously.

Then we know why your'e still single.

[Anonymous]

......why"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:......why"

Because you are waiting to be chosen. You can take some action too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:......why"

Because you are waiting to be chosen. You can take some action too.

Are you a man or a woman? That's not the message society send to women in the "he's just not that into you" days.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Well, I semi took the advice on this and texted him a friendly text - didn't ask him out though. He wound up asking me out. We went out a few more times. I thought he was into me. He now appears to have ghosted me....after I did more than I wanted to physically if he was just going to dump me.

I am going back to the "he's just not that into you" theory of dating. If the guys is into you, he will do the work and ask you out, contact you, etc. if he won't, he's not that into you.

I am so tired of this.

[Anonymous]

The more your style emulates that of an NFL cheerleader , the more power you have over your romantic life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well, I semi took the advice on this and texted him a friendly text - didn't ask him out though. He wound up asking me out. We went out a few more times. I thought he was into me. He now appears to have ghosted me....after I did more than I wanted to physically if he was just going to dump me.

I am going back to the "he's just not that into you" theory of dating. If the guys is into you, he will do the work and ask you out, contact you, etc. if he won't, he's not that into you.

I am so tired of this.

Boring sexist attitude. Your stuck in the Lilly white 50's

[Anonymous]

Op here. Well, I semi took the advice on this and texted him a friendly text - didn't ask him out though. He wound up asking me out. We went out a few more times. I thought he was into me. He now appears to have ghosted me....after I did more than I wanted to physically if he was just going to dump me.

I am going back to the "he's just not that into you" theory of dating. If the guys is into you, he will do the work and ask you out, contact you, etc. if he won't, he's not that into you.

I am so tired of this.

My goodness, OP. Haven't they already written a book on this... To paraphrase, if he doesn't seem into you, he's just not into you! You are going about this backwards with your counting dates, timing sex etc. A guy who likes you will make that clear: he'll call, he'll express interest, he'll want to ask you questions and figure out what you're into, AND he's not going to care about whether sex is on the second date or the seventh. (Within reason. I doubt too many guys are waiting months and months...) If you are insecure about whether a guy will stick around, 99% of the time its because he's just not that into you. Stop torturing yourself. Stop worrying about sex, and start paying attention to whether *you* really like the guy and whether he likes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well, I semi took the advice on this and texted him a friendly text - didn't ask him out though. He wound up asking me out. We went out a few more times. I thought he was into me. He now appears to have ghosted me....after I did more than I wanted to physically if he was just going to dump me.

I am going back to the "he's just not that into you" theory of dating. If the guys is into you, he will do the work and ask you out, contact you, etc. if he won't, he's not that into you.

I am so tired of this.

Boring sexist attitude. Your stuck in the Lilly white 50's

Yes. You should have sex with every man who takes you out. And never demand anything from them