Field Trips

[Anonymous]

I just sent my fourth-grader off on a field trip this morning. I told her to stay with the group and not read every word on every sign. She said, "MOM!" I think there's a very good chance that nothing bad will happen on this field trip.

[Anonymous]

I would be really upset if you were my parents and didn't let me go on field trips. Sheesh. Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just curious - what grade are your children in?

I can understand the concern at the preschool level, but not really beyond that. Do you really not trust that your child's teacher is going to make sure all his or her students are safe and accounted for?

My kids went on daily field trips at their day care and preschool. OP, if your child is a runner, you need to work on that.

He's also a climber...so no trips to the zoo with us or family/friends that we trust. He'd be the kid at the bottom of the gorilla exhibit.

Agree with you. We are working on it. But, in the meantime not taking that chance.

My initial response was to feel bad for your kids because I loved field trips as kid. The farther down the threat I read, I realized that that your don't keep your kids from trips out of helicoptering, but because you have irresponsible children who have gotten lost on trips and learned nothing from the experience. I'm glad you're working on this, because they need to start paying more attention if they want to be able to go anywhere outside their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just sent my fourth-grader off on a field trip this morning. I told her to stay with the group and not read every word on every sign. She said, "MOM!" I think there's a very good chance that nothing bad will happen on this field trip.

Are you OP? If so, good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just sent my fourth-grader off on a field trip this morning. I told her to stay with the group and not read every word on every sign. She said, "MOM!" I think there's a very good chance that nothing bad will happen on this field trip.

Are you OP? If so, good for you!

No, I'm not OP.

[Anonymous]

Poster at 21:48, "Last year I did not allow my child to go without my husband or I." You really should let your child go so that they can learn proper grammar..... "Go without my husband or me." Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster at 21:48, "Last year I did not allow my child to go without my husband or I." You really should let your child go so that they can learn proper grammar..... "Go without my husband or me." Sheesh!

That is proper grammar....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster at 21:48, "Last year I did not allow my child to go without my husband or I." You really should let your child go so that they can learn proper grammar..... "Go without my husband or me." Sheesh!

That is proper grammar....

Strike that...I only read the correction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP.. what will you do? Will you send your kids on field trips and hope for the best? Keep them home? Discuss with their teachers the best way to approach the problem? (Be prepared for the teachers to suggest your kids need to learn to listen, and function as part of the group. Especially in grade 4.)

You have opinions, most of which you don't like. So what is your solution?

I'm not sure what you're asking. I asked how others felt about safety issues on field trips and gave my opinion right up front. I stated very clearly in my OP that my kids don't go if DH or I don't go.

At what point will you re-evaluate that rock-solid choice, OP? I'm asking seriously. Do you plan to monitor how they do on field trips this school year, and then when their behavior and attentiveness improves to a certain point, you will let them go without you or Dad on the next field trip? Is there, in your mind, a set of behaviors you need to see during field trips before you will reconsider? Yes, you said up front, you won't reconsider, but when your older child hits fifth or sixth grade -- surely by then you will have worked with her enough on paying attention, not dawdling at signs, etc., that she can go on a field trip without you or dad--is that possible?

I do understand the idea of saying that their experiences on field trips mean you feel they need extra monitoring. But I think you know that you and/or dad simply won't be allowed to chaperone every trip; as others have noted, the numbers of chaperones permitted to participate shrinks quickly as kids get older, and in some venues. Many parents want the chance to chaperone and your insistence on being there every time shuts them out. There will be cases where teachers and administrators are going to fill that chaperone sign-up list, you won't be on it, and they are not going to make an exception for you or dad to go, not based on your reasoning here or your perceptions of past chaperones as not being attentive enough. If your kids had special needs, that would be different, but they don't. You seem to be fine with the idea that your kids will miss out if you miss a sign-up or are told that other parents got there first.

So for those trips where you or dad can't chaperone, you get to keep your kids home. Are you ready for the reactions from your kids to that? Sure, their reactions don't matter to you because you're firm and they are the kids, not the parents. But be aware that very soon, especially for the older child as she sees classmates going on field trips without their parents there-- she is going to know that you come because you don't trust any other adults who aren't you.

That sends two messages - one, she's not really trustworthy, and two, adults other than you or dad or the teacher can't really be trusted. That's not what you want her to feel, and you'll say that of course SHE's trustworthy, she's just smart and gets delayed reading stuff, etc. but that is not how she will think of it in her kid's mind. You can tell her all day that it's not about her, she's great, etc., but what you tell her and what she'll feel can be two very different things. She'll internalize the idea that mom and dad can't let her do things without their being there, so there must be some reason she's different from the other kids whose parents aren't on every single field trip. And she'll wonder if there's something "off" about every other adult so maybe she should be suspicious and scared.

When your smart daughter misses a field trip, she may also end up stressed by the fact that she'll have to do busy work or extra assignments later as a result of not being there. Many field trips for kids from fourth grade upward involve at least some actual schoolwork, (some middle school field trips have quite a lot) and are not just about sitting there watching a show or running around a museum. The kids sometimes have to fill in worksheets or gather facts at various places on the field trip, and are required to use those facts for reports or other assignments back at school. What is your plan for when your kids are kept home because you couldn't chaperone, and they have to do some other make-up assignment and resent it -- and they also resent missing out on a shared experience with their classmates?

I know, shared experiences mean nothing if they're not safe. But having mom or dad on every field trip indefinitely sends some messages to your kids that they'll carry far beyond the actual field trip. That' won't change your choice as you have said here over and over. Just know that you will have other fallout when your kids start to feel that things aren't safe unless a parent is present, or that they themselves are somehow always in need of monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That sends two messages - one, she's not really trustworthy, and two, adults other than you or dad or the teacher can't really be trusted. That's not what you want her to feel, and you'll say that of course SHE's trustworthy, she's just smart and gets delayed reading stuff, etc. but that is not how she will think of it in her kid's mind. You can tell her all day that it's not about her, she's great, etc., but what you tell her and what she'll feel can be two very different things. She'll internalize the idea that mom and dad can't let her do things without their being there, so there must be some reason she's different from the other kids whose parents aren't on every single field trip. And she'll wonder if there's something "off" about every other adult so maybe she should be suspicious and scared.

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OP, please please take this paragraph to heart. That's fine that you don't want to change your mind now. But your little girl is almost a young lady, and in an effort to keep her safe, you are sending her some extraordinarily dangerous messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That sends two messages - one, she's not really trustworthy, and two, adults other than you or dad or the teacher can't really be trusted. That's not what you want her to feel, and you'll say that of course SHE's trustworthy, she's just smart and gets delayed reading stuff, etc. but that is not how she will think of it in her kid's mind. You can tell her all day that it's not about her, she's great, etc., but what you tell her and what she'll feel can be two very different things. She'll internalize the idea that mom and dad can't let her do things without their being there, so there must be some reason she's different from the other kids whose parents aren't on every single field trip. And she'll wonder if there's something "off" about every other adult so maybe she should be suspicious and scared.

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But the truth is that the kid is not trustworthy, and OP doesn't trust anyone other than herself or her spouse. So OP is sending the correct message. Until the kid learns how to behave on a field trip, she should not be allowed to go on one without her parents. I feel that OP is doing the other chaperones a favor here -- I know I wouldn't want to be saddled with watching kids like OPs during a field trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That sends two messages - one, she's not really trustworthy, and two, adults other than you or dad or the teacher can't really be trusted. That's not what you want her to feel, and you'll say that of course SHE's trustworthy, she's just smart and gets delayed reading stuff, etc. but that is not how she will think of it in her kid's mind. You can tell her all day that it's not about her, she's great, etc., but what you tell her and what she'll feel can be two very different things. She'll internalize the idea that mom and dad can't let her do things without their being there, so there must be some reason she's different from the other kids whose parents aren't on every single field trip. And she'll wonder if there's something "off" about every other adult so maybe she should be suspicious and scared.

.

But the truth is that the kid is not trustworthy, and OP doesn't trust anyone other than herself or her spouse. So OP is sending the correct message. Until the kid learns how to behave on a field trip, she should not be allowed to go on one without her parents. I feel that OP is doing the other chaperones a favor here -- I know I wouldn't want to be saddled with watching kids like OPs during a field trip.

OP here - I do want to clear up that I don't believe DH and I are the only ones to be trusted with her. They've both started in a home daycare at 6 weeks old and we have babysitters all of the time. That doesn't address being outside the house without us, but I think demonstrates that we've trusted our kids to others from the very beginning. We trust her with most family members and many friends of ours. My kids go off with these other adults quite often without us. I was shocked by the lack of supervision, however, that I saw in the parents that went on the field trips that I have attended. This may not be the case for every school, but most of the moms couldn't bother to stop talking to each other for a minute to even look up to see where the kids they had been entrusted with were at. Some locations, this isn't really a bad thing At an over-crowded museum I thought it was negligent.

Technically, DD is considered in the genius range for IQ so she does behave differently than a lot of kids in *certain* situations. Her mind goes beyond her actual maturity level and that can get a kid in trouble when a parent or trusted adults isn't around. Thinking she can do something that is dangerous and she knows is dangerous, but rationalizes that she knows best. She views everything in a logical way so that gut instinct just isn't there. So, if she gets separated, it doesn't even register that she needs to stop and go find an adult to get her back with her group. You might think, well once she realizes that she's separated from her group that logically she would think the next step is to get an adult to help her. But, in her case, if they are at a place that captures her interest and especially that has something to read she will just keep reading and ignore that gut instinct to get back with her group. Her brain prioritizes the absorbing of "fun" information is more important than staying with the group. Most of the time the other kids are walking pretty quickly through the exhibits and stopping to read a few things (so if she were to keep an eye on her group she wouldn't get anything out of the field trips any way.) She feels this way and prefers that she go to these places with us or a trusted friend so she can enjoy it her way.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. You do trust other adults all the time, as long as you personally have carefully selected them. And your child is far too advanced for school field trips and other group activities. You have made this quite clear.

[Anonymous]

Aren't feild trips just a huge waste of time and resources anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't feild trips just a huge waste of time and resources anyway?

Why do you say that?