Ethics of adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is the law of the land. Adoption is a last resort. No one has to place a child for adoption.

Some people are not willing to get an abortion, which is their prerogative. Adoption shouldn't be their only alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still no one has answered what is to become of the children whose birth parents neither want to provide or are capable of providing a safe and healthy environment for a child. Should they be resigned to an abusive and neglected household or fostercare instead of being given a chance at a living home? Just because you cannot imagine placing a child for adoption does mean that other women do not willingly do do and that it is not in the best interest of the child.

No matter how much money you throw at a situation there will always be a need for adoption. Adoption is not a horrible thing and has been around since the beginning of humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

You are ignorant if you think EVERY agency acts this way. I purposefully chose a Catholic agency b/c they approach this from a mental health perspective and are not for profit. They are not in need of babies to "sell" to stay in business. They actually DO try to find birth parents the resources they need to parent effectively if that is their choice and they explore that option with every client who approaches them.

You really think because an agency is Catholic they are any better? They are not and its all about placing to keep their doors open and a pay check.

No. It's really not. Catholic Social Services provides a ton of other mental health services which are supported by gifts from the diocese. They make minimal placements each year b/c they are committed to open adoption (which research shows is healthier from a mental/emotional perspective when possible) and many birth parents and adoptive parents don't want that. They will not accept a birth parent as an adoption client if they are ambivalent about their choice. Go ahead and Catholic bash all you want, but the difference between them and the private agencies I contacted was stark.

But keep insisting you know everything even though you are obviously ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is the law of the land. Adoption is a last resort. No one has to place a child for adoption.

Some people are not willing to get an abortion, which is their prerogative. Adoption shouldn't be their only alternative.

Birth control certainly is. There is no reason in today's world hit unintended pregnancy at the rates we see beyond sheer irresponsibility which no one false should have to finance.

[Anonymous]

There has been and always will be children who are in need of loving homes. Stop making adoption out to be a horrible act or evil alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is the law of the land. Adoption is a last resort. No one has to place a child for adoption.

Some people are not willing to get an abortion, which is their prerogative. Adoption shouldn't be their only alternative.

Birth control certainly is. There is no reason in today's world hit unintended pregnancy at the rates we see beyond sheer irresponsibility which no one false should have to finance.

Guess you see rape victims (of all stripes) and victims of incest as being sheerly irresponsible.

Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still no one has answered what is to become of the children whose birth parents neither want to provide or are capable of providing a safe and healthy environment for a child. Should they be resigned to an abusive and neglected household or fostercare instead of being given a chance at a living home? Just because you cannot imagine placing a child for adoption does mean that other women do not willingly do do and that it is not in the best interest of the child.

I am not saying adoption should be outlawed. I am saying more support systems should be in place for women without support who find themselves pregnant - that is, if a pregnant woman wants to keep her child, she should be able to do so (not just turn to abortion or adoption).

You keep saying "more support". What exactly do you want? We already have WIC, food stamps, Head Start, etc. There are millions of single moms out there, far more than in previous decades. Some of these mothers are using the resources I just listed, and some have sufficient financial means to support themselves. That seems to indicate that there are plenty of women who feel that raising the child themselves is a viable option.

But we can just leave open a blank check. I have a responsibility to myself, my family, and the society. That means I utilize the resources that are available to me (roads, public schools, etc.) but that doesn't mean I get whatever I want, just because I want it. I live a comfortable middle class lifestyle. I would not be able to do that if I decided to have 8 kids, so I don't.

[Anonymous]

I'm an adoptive parent, and I have come to the conclusion that infant adoption, in most cases, is a solution in search of a problem.

Most women who find themselves pregnant and really don't want to be parents probably will get an abortion. Those women who carry to term are more likely to be conflicted -- they might want to parent but don't have the resources or aren't in a good situation in their lives.

(My daughter's mom was poor and had no family support. She actually took our daughter home from the hospital but brought her back three weeks later because she was in over her head. There is no doubt in my mind that with more supportive resources, she would've chosen to parent.)

The situations that keep women from parenting are often temporary problems, and they are problems that have lots of solutions that are way less drastic than saying, "Fine, we'll just have someone else parent your child." The reason why adoption is so often trumpeted as a solution is because there are so many couples who can't readily have children by other means, and who are willing to pay a lot of money to adopt. Even a nonprofit agency relies on income from adoptive parents to continue operating and pay its staff and directors.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of older kids and disabled kids who really need homes. But most couples considering adoption after infertility are not interested in parenting kids with those sorts of challenges. (Not trying to guilt trip anyone -- I'm not, either.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been and always will be children who are in need of loving homes. Stop making adoption out to be a horrible act or evil alternative.

I don't know who you're addressing, but my argument is that pregnant women - especially vulnerable pregnant women lacking resources - ought to be supported in motherhood. Governments and societies should do whatever possible to ensure that birth mothers - *if they want to* - are able to raise their children. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is the law of the land. Adoption is a last resort. No one has to place a child for adoption.

Some people are not willing to get an abortion, which is their prerogative. Adoption shouldn't be their only alternative.

Birth control certainly is. There is no reason in today's world hit unintended pregnancy at the rates we see beyond sheer irresponsibility which no one false should have to finance.

Guess you see rape victims (of all stripes) and victims of incest as being sheerly irresponsible.

Please.

Read a little more carefully. Rapes and incest would only be a minuscule portion of the number of unintended pregnancies. Of those, abortion is certainly most likely the option chosen. Throwing out the extreme incidences isn't helping your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is the law of the land. Adoption is a last resort. No one has to place a child for adoption.

Some people are not willing to get an abortion, which is their prerogative. Adoption shouldn't be their only alternative.

Birth control certainly is. There is no reason in today's world hit unintended pregnancy at the rates we see beyond sheer irresponsibility which no one false should have to finance.

Guess you see rape victims (of all stripes) and victims of incest as being sheerly irresponsible.

Please.

No one is calling victims of rape/incest irresponsible, and no one is putting a gun to the head of these women and telling them they must give their child up for adoption. Statistics show a significant increase in the number of unwed mothers. They have three choices: abortion, adoption, keep the baby. Adoption is a perfectly appropriate, acceptable option, one of three, and we live in a society where woman can choose which of these three choices is best for them.

Well, not women in Texas, since they are closing all the abortion clinics. Where's the outrage for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still no one has answered what is to become of the children whose birth parents neither want to provide or are capable of providing a safe and healthy environment for a child. Should they be resigned to an abusive and neglected household or fostercare instead of being given a chance at a living home? Just because you cannot imagine placing a child for adoption does mean that other women do not willingly do do and that it is not in the best interest of the child.

I am not saying adoption should be outlawed. I am saying more support systems should be in place for women without support who find themselves pregnant - that is, if a pregnant woman wants to keep her child, she should be able to do so (not just turn to abortion or adoption).

You keep saying "more support". What exactly do you want? We already have WIC, food stamps, Head Start, etc. There are millions of single moms out there, far more than in previous decades. Some of these mothers are using the resources I just listed, and some have sufficient financial means to support themselves. That seems to indicate that there are plenty of women who feel that raising the child themselves is a viable option.

But we can just leave open a blank check. I have a responsibility to myself, my family, and the society. That means I utilize the resources that are available to me (roads, public schools, etc.) but that doesn't mean I get whatever I want, just because I want it. I live a comfortable middle class lifestyle. I would not be able to do that if I decided to have 8 kids, so I don't.

We, as a society, lack comprehensive care for families - even middle class families (family leave, preschool, etc.) Do not act as though women have real options or support. I spoke with an Irish couple who were shocked at the lack of support given pregnant women and families in the US. We have very meager resources and support systems in place.

[Anonymous]

I have an adopted daughter who wants nothing more in life than to adopt herself. She has several adopted friends who feel the same way and have plans to or have adopted. Not everyone who actually have a real experience with adoption respond with the vitriol and hatred of bored, pious dcum mommies. Some of you need to get a little perspective and understand that sometimes adoption is the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You keep saying "more support". What exactly do you want? We already have WIC, food stamps, Head Start, etc. There are millions of single moms out there, far more than in previous decades. Some of these mothers are using the resources I just listed, and some have sufficient financial means to support themselves. That seems to indicate that there are plenty of women who feel that raising the child themselves is a viable option.

But we can just leave open a blank check. I have a responsibility to myself, my family, and the society. That means I utilize the resources that are available to me (roads, public schools, etc.) but that doesn't mean I get whatever I want, just because I want it. I live a comfortable middle class lifestyle. I would not be able to do that if I decided to have 8 kids, so I don't.

Not the PP, but I would say:

1. Long-term paid parental leave (say, 12 months after a child is born)
2. High-quality, affordable child care until kids are school age
3. Accessible, affordable mental health care, including better options to treat substance abuse & addiction

Those three things would probably go a long way toward enabling women in precarious situations to parent their kids. As an added benefit, they would help a TON of people who aren't pregnant or poor or even female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You keep saying "more support". What exactly do you want? We already have WIC, food stamps, Head Start, etc. There are millions of single moms out there, far more than in previous decades. Some of these mothers are using the resources I just listed, and some have sufficient financial means to support themselves. That seems to indicate that there are plenty of women who feel that raising the child themselves is a viable option.

But we can just leave open a blank check. I have a responsibility to myself, my family, and the society. That means I utilize the resources that are available to me (roads, public schools, etc.) but that doesn't mean I get whatever I want, just because I want it. I live a comfortable middle class lifestyle. I would not be able to do that if I decided to have 8 kids, so I don't.

Not the PP, but I would say:

1. Long-term paid parental leave (say, 12 months after a child is born)
2. High-quality, affordable child care until kids are school age
3. Accessible, affordable mental health care, including better options to treat substance abuse & addiction

Those three things would probably go a long way toward enabling women in precarious situations to parent their kids. As an added benefit, they would help a TON of people who aren't pregnant or poor or even female.

Thank you.