husband wants to buy house with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Please don't take financial advice from this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid off our first home in 10 years. While house hunting for our next home, out of the blue, DH mentioned that we need to buy a house with an MIL suite for his mother to live in someday.

I nearly fell over in shock and told him he was out of his mind. He pouted for a while, but got over it.

His sister ended up buying a house with an MIL suite.

That's a nice outcome for you.
How did the sister's husband feel about this, I wonder?

BIL went along with it to keep peace in the family. 12 years later he dumped DH's sister and 3 kids for his "soul mate" co-worker. Very bitter divorce. DH's sister was outraged when she had to get a job. There are multiple divorces in DH's family.

They might not have divorced had you not dumped MIL on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Please don't take financial advice from this person.

Don't take financial advice from this person! What about the step-up basis!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Oh come on. Maybe it's not that bad a deal on the face of it, if they structure it right. But that is beside the point. The problem is that it's a bigger property than they're going to be able to manage on their own. OP and her DH will be constantly having to help them. And it's unclear whether they can afford the maintenance either. And what if one of them gets sick and they need to spend their nest egg on long-term care? The only way OP can sell the house is if she gets her in-laws out of it, which is very difficult to do. It's going to end up with one of them in long-term care, the other one clinging to the house, and OP and her DH getting no rent, paying everything, and going down there to help them constantly as well.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to say the "no" word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Please don't take financial advice from this person.

Don't take financial advice from this person! What about the step-up basis!

What about it ??? They need a structured agreement. Not every parent is out for themselves.

[Anonymous]

All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

Oh come on. Maybe it's not that bad a deal on the face of it, if they structure it right. But that is beside the point. The problem is that it's a bigger property than they're going to be able to manage on their own. OP and her DH will be constantly having to help them. And it's unclear whether they can afford the maintenance either. And what if one of them gets sick and they need to spend their nest egg on long-term care? The only way OP can sell the house is if she gets her in-laws out of it, which is very difficult to do. It's going to end up with one of them in long-term care, the other one clinging to the house, and OP and her DH getting no rent, paying everything, and going down there to help them constantly as well.

Listen the are in their 60's you have no idea of their health situation. A 30 year old could end up in long term care. I know people in their 80's that still maintain their property.
And you said it your self : structure it right.

OP, ask your in laws why they want to do this. Have a nice dinner with your DH and explain your concerns. Why is this

[Anonymous]

* so hard?

I really think you might have abandonment issues. You are a former widow - right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. What I find interesting is that it doesn't seem clear to me how DH benefits unless he does want to "save" his parents and he is not being totally forthright with me as to their need. He tells me that they have a net worth, not debt. I know their house would sell for 200K and saw FIL's 410K statement: 500K.

I think last pp has a great idea. Stick to the fact that I don't want more debt and since they don't either, how can he counter argue. We'll see how it goes. He's pouting today.

OP perhaps he is planning to divorce you and move into his parents house while requiring you to keep on paying for it? In some areas it is impossible to evict a person, so he just goes and lives there, while you pay for all of them? I think scenarios like this should be going through your mind b/c this is the most screwed up complicated way to "help" his parents. usually that means help himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.

I would never enter into any agreement like this with a sibling. Parents are another story. I thinks it's really amazing that most of these posters think their parents will cheat them or be nightmare tenants. This is crazy talk. These posters must have had just the worst parents, it's a wonder they were even able to go to college and have careers. Gee, I wonder if their did something right in instilling that desire ?

Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH was an only child. He LOVED LOVED LOVED going to his mothers house where she praised him to the skies and manipulated him and us. He never had to do a chore there, be an adult there, have responsibilities there -- he was just the adored one. Did not do a lot for the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH was an only child. He LOVED LOVED LOVED going to his mothers house where she praised him to the skies and manipulated him and us. He never had to do a chore there, be an adult there, have responsibilities there -- he was just the adored one. Did not do a lot for the marriage.

And...you're divorced now ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.

I would never enter into any agreement like this with a sibling. Parents are another story. I thinks it's really amazing that most of these posters think their parents will cheat them or be nightmare tenants. This is crazy talk. These posters must have had just the worst parents, it's a wonder they were even able to go to college and have careers. Gee, I wonder if their did something right in instilling that desire ?

Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.

In the interests of finding out the truth, I think YOU, pp, should go ahead and buy your responsible parents a house and report to us how it works out, k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

DH still pouting.
Regarding income, I earn a lot more than him. We can live off my income but not his (almost his and when we aren't paying for preschool, probably his). However, he manages our portfolio and does a really great job at it. We have 2 kids together and no other children.

The more I think about this, the less mad I am and the more confused. I honestly DO NOT think my ILs are irresponsible. Maybe they made a bad investment, or a few, but they don't really spend a lot of money as far as outward appearances go although I did hear my FIL tell my DH that MIL uses a very expensive face cream that cost hundreds of dollars. (Mine is from Target).

Anyway, i am not curious why DH is so pouty because of this. For the sake of our marriage, we are going to have to discuss this.

Thank you all, again, for giving me support but also pointing out the logic flaws.

I love the gold toilet comment especially.

Regarding supporting MY family, that's another thread entirely.

OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you came from a moneyed background, your parents would have taught you to say an emphatic NO! to schemes like this one. right now you feel like you are riding the financial wave up up up, but you never know when things could go south. And paying for some one else's retirement is not a way to protect yourself from this. You have a responsibility to your kids and your self, not to your in laws.