husband wants to buy house with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

you are painting with an overly broad brush. not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking care of parents means ensuring they have an adequate standard of living. It doesn't mean enabling their bad decisions. It doesn't mean a fancy house with land that they can't really afford and can't manage on their own, at the expense of your own financial stability.

I may print this out and frame it in my husband's closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Philosophy or not, most people feel that way who had good parents.

I don't know your group of "most people". Many people I know would help their parents but not to the detriment of their own retirement or their children. Parents have no right to think their kids owe them financially.

"Good parents" want their children and their grandchildren to thrive and succeed, and thus would happily do without a new shiny house/car/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

a lot of "ifs" in this post. this poster is living in la la land, where family means rainbows, unicorns, and no such thing as financial smarts, b/c "we are family."

[Anonymous]

I do not think this is about liking or not liking the parents. It just violates some very basic principles regarding money: if it does not make sense to you, and you are paying for it that is a red flag. If it signs you up for a huge debt with a lot of uncertainty about another's health, is it prudent? If there is a death or divorce, what will happen? would you like to be a landlord of a relative? And how would you handle eviction/ non payment? when you set something up that is so disadvantageous to yourself, who will you turn to if something goes awry? what happens if you lose your job and can't make the payments? And the retirees have no money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid off our first home in 10 years. While house hunting for our next home, out of the blue, DH mentioned that we need to buy a house with an MIL suite for his mother to live in someday.

I nearly fell over in shock and told him he was out of his mind. He pouted for a while, but got over it.

His sister ended up buying a house with an MIL suite.

That's a nice outcome for you.
How did the sister's husband feel about this, I wonder?

BIL went along with it to keep peace in the family. 12 years later he dumped DH's sister and 3 kids for his "soul mate" co-worker. Very bitter divorce. DH's sister was outraged when she had to get a job. There are multiple divorces in DH's family.

They might not have divorced had you not dumped MIL on them.

what a bitch you are

[Anonymous]

OP maybe you should put this over in Money and Finances. Or better on a money management site. see what they say about this.

[Anonymous]

The main reason not to do this deal is RISK. You and your husband are taking all of the risk. So, say your the home cost $100K, inlaws put $20K down. If the market tanks and the home is only worth $50K in a few years (not saying this is going to happen but it could) the inlaws lose $20K, you lose $30K plus the realtor fees.

What if the foundation cracks? Who pays for that? Usually that is the owner. What if the plumbing needs to be replaced or a new roof? You are the one taking on 80% of the risk here.

If you and your DH want a rental property then buy a rental.

You and DH buying this home because the inlaws "don't want debt" is just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.

Then let them get jobs and work for what they want.

Guess you don't like your parents either ...and I'm pretty sure OP said her FIL is a lawyer.

Your attempts to shame any poster as not loving his/her parents when questioning this set up is manipulative and dishonest.

It's more dishonest to be snarky behind their back and assume the worse behavior.

No shaming here . I could less if you love your parents or not. I just find it really interesting the amount of posters that seem to really distrust parental motivation. Granted these are the OPs in laws but she loves their son - right? He mostly likely was shaped by them - right?

i love my husband in spite of his parents, not because of them. he turned out well in spite of some really dysfunctional shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.

I would never enter into any agreement like this with a sibling. Parents are another story. I thinks it's really amazing that most of these posters think their parents will cheat them or be nightmare tenants. This is crazy talk. These posters must have had just the worst parents, it's a wonder they were even able to go to college and have careers. Gee, I wonder if their did something right in instilling that desire ?

Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.

In the interests of finding out the truth, I think YOU, pp, should go ahead and buy your responsible parents a house and report to us how it works out, k?

PP most people who take charity never start out wanting to screw anyone. It happens. Perhaps you have very limited life experience. People will shirk responsibility when things get hard and feel completely justified.

You know I would if I could. I talked to my parents. We had a NORMAL adult relationship. They are now both deceased and never in a million years would they have taken advantage on me. Let's flip the coin, if you have children, would you screw them over ?

My guess is I'm much older than you and probably have much more life experience. My family has a sense of responsibility, tied to their value system. It's pride. This whole situation really depends on OPs relationship with these people. They could be scam artists but then what does that say for her choices? She married their son..

older and not wiser. she married their SON. not them. she is not tied or bound to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not think this is about liking or not liking the parents. It just violates some very basic principles regarding money: if it does not make sense to you, and you are paying for it that is a red flag. If it signs you up for a huge debt with a lot of uncertainty about another's health, is it prudent? If there is a death or divorce, what will happen? would you like to be a landlord of a relative? And how would you handle eviction/ non payment? when you set something up that is so disadvantageous to yourself, who will you turn to if something goes awry? what happens if you lose your job and can't make the payments? And the retirees have no money?

You've hit the nail on the head but you are ignoring the important red flags the op has raised regarding her dh. He is less than honest and forthcoming about the details. Throw that in the mix and this is a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's more dishonest to be snarky behind their back and assume the worse behavior.

No shaming here . I could less if you love your parents or not. I just find it really interesting the amount of posters that seem to really distrust parental motivation. Granted these are the OPs in laws but she loves their son - right? He mostly likely was shaped by them - right?

Unfortunately, not everyone we love is worthy of our trust.

The parents are being greedy. They want more than they need, and more than they can afford, and they went behind their DIL's back to try to get it. They are also being unrealistic about the financial aspect of this deal. They may be lovely people and not intend to harm their DIL, but they are being greedy and foolish. DIL does not have to indulge them. Love does not mean enabling bad choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

a lot of "ifs" in this post. this poster is living in la la land, where family means rainbows, unicorns, and no such thing as financial smarts, b/c "we are family."

Use capitals and maybe we'll take your post seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ps

"Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet. "


Yeah, um that is really a reasonable philosophy. Kids owe their parents for doing the job of parenting. Right.

Wow. You hate your parents huh...

OP maybe he just loves his parents and wants them to feel secure. Maybe this is a way for them to pass some wealth without taxes. If they are putting up the down payment and paying the mortgage thru the rent, then until/ if something goes wrong you have to take over. Yes, there will be taxes but you could draw up an agreement to be gifted annually the extra amount. Although you will have the extra mortage on your credit, if it's paid in time and your debt load is low hiw us that a negative? They aren't starting out with NOTHING down, you should be able to sell if you need to.

This is family. You have two kids with this man, unless there are other serious issues, it doesn't sound like you are headed to divorce. You knew he's in dreamland but you let him manage your investments? Maybe this isn't as bad as your emotions have lead you to believe.

a lot of "ifs" in this post. this poster is living in la la land, where family means rainbows, unicorns, and no such thing as financial smarts, b/c "we are family."

Use capitals and maybe we'll take your post seriously.

ppp I'll take your post seriously because you make a good point. I also can't believe op would consider this risk given that she has children. It is very selfish of the ils to expect this type of help. The ils shouldn't be involving their children in their financial issues.

[Anonymous]

I know a family who did this and it's worked out well. Same scenario - husband is an only child with a wife and 2 children.