husband wants to buy house with his parents

[Anonymous]

I guess I still don't understand why you have to be involved the more I read...
They buy a house and put $200k down (from sale of their home) pay the monthly mortgage payments.
How is that different than them giving you 200k from sale of their home to put down on a home you buy, then they pay the mortgage every month.
Is that the plan or am I missing something? I truly don't get it, not trying to be snarky I promise. I thought you were going to say they were broke and had nowhere to live that was even decent

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute. His parents don't want to take on their own debt, but are okay with the two of you taking on debt on their behalf? This just sounds off. And I'm sorry to say this but given your description of your DH's helpfulness, or lack thereof, with household responsibilities, I think your divorce risk may be higher than average. Sucks that he is trying to force this on you. It just sounds like a horrible and illogical plan all around. I can't see where it benefits anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute. His parents don't want to take on their own debt, but are okay with the two of you taking on debt on their behalf? This just sounds off. And I'm sorry to say this but given your description of your DH's helpfulness, or lack thereof, with household responsibilities, I think your divorce risk may be higher than average. Sucks that he is trying to force this on you. It just sounds like a horrible and illogical plan all around. I can't see where it benefits anyone.

That sounds not just off, it's waaaaaay off. No, no, no, just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Some more details: I like my in-laws. They own a house in another area outright. If they sold, they'd get about 200K. They have been looking in Va, near here but not Nova. They can't find anything they like in their price range and are debt avoidant; maybe because of their age.

To be clear, they have money and to my knowledge, are not in debt. My FIL is a lawyer and my husband has an MBA. I love the idea of consulting an estate planner but DH won't go for it b/c he thinks that those two have it covered.

DH tried to compare my interest-free loan of 2K to my brother to this situation. My brother needed a car to get to work. They just want something bigger, fancier, and more land and no debt.

He keeps countering every single reason I have for not wanting to do this deal. We have investments and he says this is for diversity. All I know is that we live well below our means and could pay off all of our debts with our investments if we had to (car/house are only debts and that amounts to maybe 400K total).

I can think of many reasons to not do this and many are emotional. I need more logical reasons. You've given me some good ones. I mentioned the real estate fund and he said why pay somebody else to do something we can do.

What really pisses me off is that we have a lot of here and now boring stuff to do and he won't do that. Rather, he prefers to live in a fantasy world while the laundry goes undone, house un-clean, birthday party unplanned.

My biggest issue is I would loose my freedom to just quit my job if ever I had to do that. PP mentions some of those other situations and I suppose I could play the thought game but the reality is I will never agree to this so why waste time discussing it?

Final thing: My family is super poor. He would never buy an investment property where they live and make this deal with them but they are the ones who would most benefit from any largess we might possess. Frankly, I wouldn't either because, again, I worked hard, saved a lot and don't want to loose my flexibility.

If he's comparing it to a 2k loan to your brother, I'd say fine, let's give them 2k then. I agree with pps, his arguments are rather manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Also why do two retirees need a big house with land? What happens when one of them needs a 1 story home that is wheelchair accessible and set up for an older person? Who pays for those renovations and how does that affect resale? Building sa ramp to enter? Ripping out a bathroom for a Geri tub?
What if one has to be transitioned to a nursing home and they need the 200k to pay for care? Do you have to take out a HELOC to get the money out? Do they force you to sell and get their money out? Will you do a reverse mortgage and give them the money?
Such a bad bad bad bad idea

[Anonymous]

Could you talk to his parents directly about your objections? Usually I would say include your husband since they are his parents, but if you speak to them directly maybe you will find out if there's something else going on.

There is NO WAY I'd take on debt for people with significant assets. You take all the risk, they get all the benefits. I'd be super pissed at my husband if he pushed me on this given the circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH planning to do all of this above board-- i.e., is he going to claim the rent as income and get a business license and inspection in order to rent it out?

Somehow I'm guessing "no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don't understand why you have to be involved the more I read...
They buy a house and put $200k down (from sale of their home) pay the monthly mortgage payments.
How is that different than them giving you 200k from sale of their home to put down on a home you buy, then they pay the mortgage every month.
Is that the plan or am I missing something? I truly don't get it, not trying to be snarky I promise. I thought you were going to say they were broke and had nowhere to live that was even decent

+1

Would you guys be able to cover the mortgage payments on both homes if something happened to your in-laws, financially or otherwise? I'm with the others who completely fail to see any upside to this arrangement for anyone, unless your in-laws are looking to be able to walk away from the mortgage consequence-free.

[Anonymous]

You say they own a house in another area and own it outright. You also say they'll get only $200,000 when they sell that house. So they live somewhere with a much lower cost of living, is that right?

Are you encouraging them to move to this area? And they find this area much more expensive than where they are coming from?

[Anonymous]

If you say "no" once and mean it - and don't invite discussion/debate, it's done.

Obviously you do not have to, legally, take on this obligation.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why, but this situation is really getting under my skin. Your dh is acting like he's in a financial unit with his parents, instead of with you. I'm kind of horrified he told his parents that he was okay with it before even discussing it with you, and then tried to argue that this was somehow the same thing as lending your brother $2k to buy a beater car.

Good fences make good neighbors. This comingling of y'all's money with his parent's money breaks healthy boundaries. Are they religious at all? You could find a lot of bible stuff against debt like this from Dave Ramsey and others.

I just have the sense they're trying to run roughshod over you, and that dh and FIL think their mba/lawyer credentials make them smarter than everyone else and they'll just poo-poo your concerns. If you want more backup arguments, I'd meet with a tax guy to go over all the tax implications of such a deal. Though honestly, I'd probably just outright refuse to do it at all, no further backup needed. Hill to die on here.

[Anonymous]

This seems like the most complicated way imaginable to assist his parents, which makes me thing there's something else going on. A more direct, transparent, simple way to help would be to simply loan or give them the money. (I'm not advocating this, just saying.) But my commingling your finances and legal responsibilities in a home purchase, of all things, you're getting into a much more complicated rat's nest. Why would your DH want this? Can anyone shed light on what's in it for him or them that would make him pressure his wife this way?

[Anonymous]

We did something similar for DH's parents and have ended up subsidizing them years later on their rent and home maintenance. It is a constant source of friction. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also why do two retirees need a big house with land? What happens when one of them needs a 1 story home that is wheelchair accessible and set up for an older person? Who pays for those renovations and how does that affect resale? Building sa ramp to enter? Ripping out a bathroom for a Geri tub?
What if one has to be transitioned to a nursing home and they need the 200k to pay for care? Do you have to take out a HELOC to get the money out? Do they force you to sell and get their money out? Will you do a reverse mortgage and give them the money?
Such a bad bad bad bad idea

[phone]. Do not do this!! Honestly, so what if this hurts their feelings? They obviously have little regard for your feelings! And for your economic security. You're not the bad guy here-- they and your husband are, for putting you in this position.

[Anonymous]

Tell you DH that, like your in-laws, you are very adverse to taking on more debt. You already have all the debt you are willing to assume. Keep repeating this. Also, do not assume your ILs are well-off or debt-free. They could have too much debt, inadequate income stream or bad credit history making them ineligible for a large mortgage.