Please don't give your elementary school child a smart phone

[Anonymous]

These threads always deteriorate and I am not sure why I am bothering but starting in MS in MCPS, some teachers allow students to use their phones for research, and kids who do not have them either share or they can use school computers ipads. It is a modest solution to a funding issue. One of the distinctions is that MSs start at different grades in different places (and finish in different grades too) and DCPS has a cooky policy where MS starts in 5th grade. Students certainly don't need a smartphone to go to school but having one turns out to be useful in some circumstances, and the constant thread on this site of the anti-technology crowd is really tiresome. It might have been a useful debate 5 years ago, but that ship has sailed, if you don't want to get on, fine, but I don't think you should expect to pull the ship back.

[ThatSmileyFaceGuy]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your kids weren't raised to the point that you can trust them has no bearing on me and mine. I gave my 1st grader a 5c iPhone so he has something for emergencies. It has been perfectly fine.

How often is your 1st grader alone without proper adult supervision to the point of needing an iPhone to call you?

Exactly this, when my 4th grade kids friend was given one by his single mom, mine started on wanting one too. I told them that at their age they are never without an adult that has a phone or able to use the landline in the house so they don't need one yet.

[Anonymous]

No cell phones in Elementary school for my kids, period. I understand that some may need a basic phone if they have a complicated pick-up schedule with different parents or other caregivers, but for the average kid - no.

[Anonymous]

OP, what about parents who take their kids on expensive vacations? Do you want them to stop too? Expensive clothes? There will always be people who have more. Start dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

I think that's a pretty personal decision. What works for one family/kid is that parent's business. I don't think you, I, or anyone else has any business telling another parent what to buy for their kid.

My kid got a hand me down smartphone when we decided she was old enough to have her own email account and access to the online family calendar. She was 8. I put kajeet parental controls on the phone, so it will be pretty heavily locked down until at least late middle school.

Overkill? Possibly, but we would require her to have a basic phone anyway to keep in touch with us about her pick up situation, and we like that the smartphone gives her both email and calendar access at any time since we're specifically working with her on time management and organization. If we hadn't given her the phone now we would have by 5th grade when she started taking city buses and metro on her own -- I would want her to have access to the google maps feature and metro's/the city's trip planner website to check for timing and outages. I wouldn't consider it appropriate or safe for her to travel on her own without that safety net in case something went wrong; even I do not like to do so as an adult with many years of experience navigating via public transit.

Obviously I would not condone my child badgering yours about not having a phone, and it would be wrong for anyone to interfere in your decision regarding whether or when you deem it appropriate for your child to have access to such technology, but on the flip side I do not tend to make decisions for my kids based on what other families find appropriate for theirs.

[Anonymous]

Grow up and be a parent. My kid doesn't have a smart phone. If other kids ask if they can text him, he has to say no. If he whines about it, I tell him that I'm not interested in hearing it and walk away. Why is this so difficult for you to do?


Two reasons:

1) My child is a social animal. It's how she is wired. So, if all of her friends are texting, getting Instagram, she naturally wants to be connected. So, there's an internal conflict between what I believe as a parent is appropriate and how my child is actually wired. So, yes, it's a bit of a struggle, and I don't flippantly dismiss my child's desires the way you do. By the way, turning your back on someone and walking away is deeply disrespectful. That you model that for your children is extraordinarily bad parenting.

2) I resent the intrusion and badgering, period. No one likes to listen to whining. And whining is usually a continuum: "Can I have something?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Why not?" "Because I said so/I don't owe you an explanation/whatever response" "But so and so has one!" "So and so's family has different rules than ours." "I really want one!" "Quit badgering me. This conversation is over." Followed by future rejoinders. No one likes that shit in their house. And this is a fairly common communication pattern with children, unless you hit them or something.

My son is social as well, but I'm simply not buying him a smartphone. We've discussed my reasons for the decision, his feelings about it, etc., and I'm unwilling to debate the issue with him further. You may call that "deeply disrespectful" and "extrodinarily bad parenting," and hey, you are entitled to your opinion. The fact is, I'm satisfied with the choices I've made for my family, and don't expect other people to parent their own children differently in order to make me comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I don't care if you other parents get smartphones or other devices, but if you do - please monitor what your child is saying and posting.

[Anonymous]

And please don't have their b- day parties at a bounce house, chuck e cheese, etc. Please do not go on a disney cruise. Do not buy your 16 yr-old a car! You see how silly this can be. My kids wanted all of the above as friends did/got these things and we just said " different families choose to spend their money differently."

Op, I get it. I am not crazy about all of this " stuff" either but it is a tool that works for a lot of families for a lot of different reasons. It can be a pain and must be monitored but there are so many things that kids are going to see other kids with ( and they will want) that to single out one thing is not going to solve the problem for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what about parents who take their kids on expensive vacations? Do you want them to stop too? Expensive clothes? There will always be people who have more. Start dealing with it.

I think you are completely missing the point, PP. This isn't about the money. Plenty of parents, myself included, could easily afford smart phones for our toddlers if we wanted. It's about common sense and what's appropriate for children. No kid in elementary school needs to carry around free rein to the internet, texting, etc. Unless, of course, you like the idea of technology sucking up most of the free time in their childhood years as well as their teens. It also gives them a jump start on all those cute little websites like ask.fm, where little girls can talk about blow jobs and the size of guy's dicks, field questions about their boobs and worse, while learning to bully as good as they get. All without a parent nearby to monitor them. It's called too much too soon.

If communication with your child is what's important to you, a simple phone will do.

[Anonymous]

The younger the child, the less technology in their life. I always have and always will go by that general rule of thumb and then decide for our family. No phones for elementary school kids. It's ridiculous. No tablets. No laptops. No PCs. No TVs. Children do not need to own their own electronic devices, they need to go outside and play. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

$700 a year? On our family plan with EVERYTHING it's $30 a month. Free iphone too.

[Anonymous]

My ms-student has a smart phone @ $15/mo for a total of $180 annually. Doesn't have to be $700+. He's never whined about not having data. The key is to teach your kids not to whine, someone will always have more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what about parents who take their kids on expensive vacations? Do you want them to stop too? Expensive clothes? There will always be people who have more. Start dealing with it.

I think you are completely missing the point, PP. This isn't about the money. Plenty of parents, myself included, could easily afford smart phones for our toddlers if we wanted. It's about common sense and what's appropriate for children. No kid in elementary school needs to carry around free rein to the internet, texting, etc. Unless, of course, you like the idea of technology sucking up most of the free time in their childhood years as well as their teens. It also gives them a jump start on all those cute little websites like ask.fm, where little girls can talk about blow jobs and the size of guy's dicks, field questions about their boobs and worse, while learning to bully as good as they get. All without a parent nearby to monitor them. It's called too much too soon.

If communication with your child is what's important to you, a simple phone will do.

I think you are completely missing the point.

OP doesn't want other parents to give their kids smartphones because she does not want her child to want one and bother her for one, since she agrees with you that it's inappropriate at her kid's age. This could apply to literally anything a parent might buy for their child. Perhaps I think it is inappropriate for young kids to have designer clothing because I think it fosters materialism -- so do I get to tell other families not to buy their kids such clothing so my kid won't ask for any? Perhaps I think it is inappropriate for kids or tweens to get manicures because I think it leads to too much focus on appearance -- should I start a thread asking moms to refrain from spa days with their DDs until high school so my DD doesn't ask for one? Perhaps I find it ridiculous to buy a car for a 16 year old teen -- can I convince other families not to buy one for their kids so my teen doesn't want one?

The point is, it's an individual parent's decision and it is incredibly presumptuous to try to get parents to make the decision you find appropriate simply so your child doesn't want something his or her friends have. There's always going to be a friend or classmate who has something your kid wants that you are going to say no to, but that's on you to enforce your boundaries, not on the classmate's parent to conform to your expectations.

As for your last sentence, that's not your decision to make for someone else's kid no matter how imperiously you state it, and there are specific features/capabilities we wanted our child to have that are only available on a smart phone, so no a simple phone will not do for our purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please realize that at this age, it will always be a battle of haves and have nots. When I was at that age, it was all about who had Vuarnet T shirts, Sony Walkmans, or certain shoes (I believe at the time it was Bass Weejunsor Tretorns). Of course, this was in the days before technology really bit, but the principle remains : there will always be a wedge between the haves and perceived have nots. It's time to teach your kid that not everyone has everything, and if their friendships are based on having a "thing", then it's not really a friend.

Many children of that age have iPod Touches,which allow texting through iMessage without being a smart phone. If you've chosen that your child is not that mature, than that's fine. Own it, and teach them to own it. It's okay. They will never have everything that "everyone else" has, being it stuff, brains, or looks. An excellent teaching time.

OP here. Yes, I understand that, and thanks for the reminder. The one thing that's different now is Sony Walkmans or certain shoes didn't involve an element of danger (i.e., text communications that stray from just friends, or whatever.). They weren't interactive. That''s one of the elements that's bothering me.

I disagree, people used to get car jacked for their 8 ball jackets.

[Anonymous]

My kids won't get phones in elementary school. It has nothing to do with cost, as that's not an issue for is. I think people who do are ignorant on the dangers. However, it is none of my business what you buy your child.