Fitting into Upper Income Neighborhood Or Where Should Live/School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the partying comment.

We spent our $ on sweat equity. Our friends were literally partying/drinking/other cool event-ing while we could only afford our home projects.

We are financially farther ahead because of the home, but they are farther ahead in the cool story department because they were able to spend their disposable income on fun. Our fun and our hobby was our house.

Our home went from 530G to 689G in 4 years. Not a lot but enough to put into our next home.

Well, it sounds like your life sucks. Maybe sell the rentals and go on a vacation. Sounds like you guys don't know how to manage them well.

Either that, or you are downplaying for effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is something of a beaten dead horse, since it has been covered in many similar threads, such as:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/309642.page

We live close-in now, and are at a public elementary, but we worry about our family not fitting in. There is lots of family discussions about exotic vacations, private schools, and folks dressing well and driving nice cars. As a whole, the parents are great and all seem interesting and more or less on-level; we know us parents will have no probably relating in PTA etc, and kids are young enough now that really we have no complaints.

But we worry down the line, when our kids become most obviously some of the have-nots in the class; we've heard about the effects of growing up with less than your peers and now it cause issues later on. And end of the day, it would be nice to 'fit' in to the community and the school and not feel a bit like interlopers.

I can't even believe I am reading this. You are so worried that your precious child might feel like a have-not that you are desperate to move? That is ridiculous. You can't shield your kids from stuff like this. They will always have less than someone else. If you are a 200K family I would bet your do fit in, income wise, with the other families at the school. What you need to do is grow some self-respect and not care so much about the Joneses, and teach your kids to do the same!

When I was in middle school, I went to a nice private school inside the Beltway (VA). We probably had the median income of anyone else at the school, but one day, I confessed to my mom that I felt poor because we didn't have a BMW like everyone else, we didn't go to the Bahamas for Spring Break, etc. We had a Chrysler K car.

Mom had some sage wisdom, and I've never forgotten it: "we have enough to buy a BMW, but we choose to put our money in the bank." That was huge for me -- it gave me the self esteem to realize people make different choices with their money (some show it off and some put it in the bank), and it showed me I did belong there because we could afford to be there, even if we didn't look like it.

All you need to do is teach your kids that. There, just saved you $1M for that home you don't have to buy.

[Anonymous]

I'm really wondering where OP's kids go to school. what public elementary does a family with a 200k income and a house budget of 1 million not fit in because of being too poor? I can't think of a single school in DC_-including the JKLMs--where a family making 200k is too poor?

I'm also just confused about what OP really wants. Doesn't want to stand out as being the poorest family, yet also can't imagine buying a house for less than 1 million that is acceptable (clearly you have not been to 95 percent of the homes in DC!)--this to me suggests a very narrow range of experience in the district. Wants schools with diversity (eg, no Mclean) but worries that diversity will mean bad education and poor test scores. Wants a super close in commute, but seems to have decided that decent school options are only in particular suburbs far from "southern DC" (cap hill or anacostia?).

I guess I'd suggest parts of cap hill already mentioned, arlington, parts of alexandria and maybe the woodside neighborhood of silver spring or nearby silver spring neighborhoods. Or perhaps woodley park/adams morgan in the Oyster school district.

[Anonymous]

If you think you'll like Takoma, look at Del Ray in Alexandria. Same type of community, better commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have said it more nicely, but I also don't understand the impulse to liquidate retirement assets to keep up with the Joneses. One of the best gifts you can give your children is the ability to be happy with what they have. Followed by the ability to take care of yourself in retirement.

So, buy the house you can afford in the school district you have your heart set on, and forget about what other people think.

That's the rub. It's house you can afford with all-in or time in the car? Or stick renting apartments and gamble on our kids being odd man out ? We couldn't care less about joneses, but kids are by nature more sensitive to such things.

I disagree that kids are "sensitive to such things." I think this is a learned thing from parents for the most part. When a kid says, "you have a small backyard" it is rooted in fact, not judgment. When you get huffy about it over wine with your DH and your DD hears you, she learns your reaction. And, while young kids may like big yards, when they are in middle school they will want subway access, so unless you plan on moving every few years, you can't have a home that fits your needs perfectly at all times. You are really overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Middle school kids do not all want Metro access, nor should they be provided with it on their own unless you want to be the parents of one more mugged pre-teen or teenager. Didn't you read that over 70% of DC pregnancies are unplanned? Do you really think that lends itsellf to good parenting skills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school kids do not all want Metro access, nor should they be provided with it on their own unless you want to be the parents of one more mugged pre-teen or teenager. Didn't you read that over 70% of DC pregnancies are unplanned? Do you really think that lends itsellf to good parenting skills?

And your point is?

[Anonymous]

Rockville is quite a hike from downtown. Most of friends commute an hr from north Bethesda to downtown, let alone rockville.

Heh. North Bethesda is Rockville.

[Anonymous]

"Well, it sounds like your life sucks. Maybe sell the rentals and go on a vacation. Sounds like you guys don't know how to manage them well.

Either that, or you are downplaying for effect."

I have no idea what you are talking about. Our life is awesome. But I don't judge our friends for not buying homes to flip or rent. They have their priorities; we have ours.

I have no idea what you think we are not managing or are downplaying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think you'll like Takoma, look at Del Ray in Alexandria. Same type of community, better commute.

I think OP wanted good public school choices though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think you'll like Takoma, look at Del Ray in Alexandria. Same type of community, better commute.

I think OP wanted good public school choices though.

Yeah, in that important regard, Del Ray is not Takoma of Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Oooo was not aware that my DD might get pregnant on the Metro! I better confiscate her SmarTrip card!

[Anonymous]

Middle school kids do not all want Metro access, nor should they be provided with it on their own unless you want to be the parents of one more mugged pre-teen or teenager. Didn't you read that over 70% of DC pregnancies are unplanned? Do you really think that lends itsellf to good parenting skills?

So, if my DC middle-schooler takes the metro they will be mugged and impregnated? huh?

[Anonymous]

AU Park.

Great schools, and Deal is a great middle school, the PP that said otherwise does not have recent information. Over 90% of the kids going to the sought after elementary feeder schools move on to Deal now. That was always the problem for many parents, whether the middle school cohort was equally prepared. There are good high school options in DC and they are only getting better.

I commute to SW DC and it is 20 minutes (I go early like OP), DH commutes to the same area after school drop off and it takes him 30 minutes in the middle of rush hour.


While there are families with more, a $200K income is not poor by AU Park standards, plenty of older hybrids in the hood. And we have 3, count em 3, whole foods within a 5 minute drive from almost anywhere in the neighborhood so plenty of neighbors getting their organic fix.

Most houses are walking distance to a metro (Friendship Heights or Tenleytown), and most families are there for the good commute and schools, not the housing stock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody in the other thread the OP referenced noted that many desirable neighborhoods are full of residents that were "grandfathered in" and could not now easily afford the houses they live in. So if you move into a $1 million house, there probably many families that bought their houses for half that a few years ago and are living a lifestyle well below what a $1 million house implies. So this would pose a favorable force on OP's concerns about being "outclassed" by neighbors.

Waving hand-- Over here! We are in southern McLean HHI of $150-$180k. We could not afford our current home and still keep our current work/family life balance. However, unless poster has children in MS and HS, that is changing fast. Families with younger kids definitely make more than the MS/HS cohort. We used to call our section of McLean the "braownbag" section, but that is changing faster than the teardowns are being turned into McMansions.

This stuff makes me upset but whatever. We have a HHI of over 300K but since we just started out and are in our early 30s and have high kids costs we don't have enough saved to buy in places where people make half.

Why?

We couldn't afford to buy in our neighborhood now, either - but when we did buy, it was a stretch. What is upsetting to you about PP's post?

It's upsetting because the housing market is being distorted by hedge funds and the Fed QE, which benefits existing homeowners at the expense of first time homebuyers. If the bubble of the 2000s had popped properly, then we would have much more diverse communities

And PP probably can't afford the delorean either to go back and buy a house in 1999.

I don't disagree, but to try to pretend that people with HHI of $200k+ don't have options--and good ones--is just silly. No, perhaps you can't afford to have good public schools k-12 AND a SFH with yard AND new gourmet kitchen AND a short commute into the city. But with that kind of money, you can get 3 out of 4. In Arlington, you can get good schools, short commute, and SFH+ yard, but probably not the new gourmet kitchen. Suck it up, buy a small, old house, and deal with it. In Fairfax County, you can have good schools, a SFH with yard, and gourmet kitchen, but you'll have a longer commute. In Loudoun County, you can have good schools, gigantic SFH & yard, gigantic gourmet kitchen, and really long commute. In PG County or Anacostia, you can have SFH & yard, gourmet kitchen (and plenty of money left over), and short commute, but you will have far more school worries.

If you aren't rich, you can't have everything you want. But at $200k HHI, you can have a helluva lot. THAT's the lesson you should be imparting to your kids. Quit complaining.

+1000 Preach