Mother extremely angry over DC's name

[Anonymous]

Op, you probably had your baby by now and congrats!
My MIL was the same way -- she wanted and insisted on naming our baby, but we went against her and name him our choice. Yes she was a narcissist, and also at that time suffering from dementia. Our feelings were terribly hurt, but it is your baby, and her behavior probably will not change either way if you do give in to the name change. So name your baby what you feel best about. Also, your DH is a father now and that is a strong bond for both of you. Crazy parents do exist! Or perhaps and hopefully she is only crazy about this and can be normal about other things? Good luck and enjoy your baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I decided to tell our parents DC's name. HUGE mistake, I should have listened to my friends who said it was never a good idea. Three out of four parents love the name.

My mother freaked out. I mean completley lost her shit. She hates DC's middle name and is extremely angry with me. There is a "family middle name" that a lot of women in her family give to their first born children and I chose not to use it because I didn't grow up around her family (I've met some of them only a handful of times, they live in another state) and didn't really feel an attachment to it. She and I both have the middle name, but her mother did not. She blames my husband for it when in actuality I chose the middle name, it is similar to both the "family" one and one in DH's family, and I thought it was a nice touch to name DC after both families. Especially since after DC is born, there is a high likelihood that I will be unable to have more children due to a medical problem.

She basically never wants to see/speak to DH ever again because she is convinced that he bullied me into not using the name and there is no convincing her otherwise. (My parents live about 30 mins from us, so it will be hard for her to avoid DH entirely and interact w/ DC at the same time). Before this incident, she was planning to come help me with DC while I'm on leave, after DH went back to work. I don't see this happening now. She refuses to speak to me on the phone if DH is in the house. She's told my father that she doesn't even want to come to the hospital when DC is born, though he thinks she's just angry and ranting. She sees my choice of name as some kind of personal betrayal and thinks that I'm being selfish because I didn't take her feelings into account and I should have considered how hurt she'd be. She is also angry because now she will have to tell her family that I picked a different name. Honestly, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I really didn't expect this level of anger, it's disproportionate IMO. I figured she'd be a little disappointed, but would get over it since (1) it's my kid, not hers and (2) she got to name me whatever she wanted and I deserve the same courtesy.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have no idea how to address this situation. I'm hurt, disappointed in my mom, and very angry at her all at the same time. I don't know if there's a solution to this mess, I'm just venting and looking for support from other people with moms who are a similar type of crazy.

Why can't you say your chlid instead of DC, your husband instead of DH, etc...this makes me CRAZY!

[Anonymous]

PS I bet your mother will come around. My mother in law was furious with my husband and I over not wanting to have a big christening party and didn't talk to us for three months! I did not buckle even though I was incredibly hurt, it was our decision to make not hers. She eventually obviously wanted to see her new granddaughter so came around..and all is fine now. Just give her a cooling off period and hope congratulations are in order!